3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

This could apply to everything! Genius! Don't teach your kid to use silverware and hopefully he will feel like the odd one out and a little ape-like and start using it once he sees peers doing so! Shame! Who would have thought of this?! I am going to lay off all the teaching right now! Will save me a ton of effort.

No one is saying that PT shouldn't have at least been attempted by the age of 4. Yeah, the kid knows what a potty is and what it is used for but for whatever reason is not fully trained by the age of 4. I'm still not sure why a parent would owe you or anyone else an explanation as to why it is taking so long. Ironically, many times these issues stem from having attempted potty training too early - before the child was really ready/willing. I know that must be a hard one for the "I Potty Trained my baby at 9 months!" crowd to believe. But it happens.

If you potty trained your toddler - good for you!! But a kid isn't a freak if he/she is still PT in preschool.

[Anonymous]

Child development / parenting and financial management should be mandatory in high school.

The widespread ignorance is astounding. Not to mention how many parents are too busy, too tired, or too lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Child development / parenting and financial management should be mandatory in high school.

The widespread ignorance is astounding. Not to mention how many parents are too busy, too tired, or too lazy.

...to parent. After all, it's hard work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here's my theory -- it's easier to deal with the diapers now in the age of disposables and pullups, so parents aren't as motivated to start the training sooner.

And it's the simple truth!

There is a direct correlation between age of potty-training and availability and quality of disposable diapers. It's been researched. So what it comes down to, is parent motivation. Many are not putting in the hard work anymore.

My son with diagnosed global developmental delay was potty-trained at 2.5, just like his normally developing sister. The percentage of children with medical issues so severe as to make normal potty-training impossible is very small indeed.

If potty training at age 2 typically takes several weeks (or more), and results in lots of accidents, why not wait until it's easier at age 3? You think absorbent diapers make parents lazy. I believe absorbent diapers save parents the stress and hassle of a long drawn out potty training process. I don't see parents on this post explaining exactly what's so important about having a potty-trained one- or two-year-old.

Does the invention of baby formula mean women today are too lazy to offer themselves up as wet nurses? Are children these days lazy now that we don't all live on farms and make our kids do hard labor?

The reasons are:

1) it does not seem to be easier at 3 (lots of kids battle it and develop constipation/only poop in pull-ups issues);
2) some people actually find it empowering for children to learn to do things that are developmentally appropriate and like to teach their kids to do those things;
3) some people actually find changing diapers on older children not to be "easy" but rather revolting (yes, I love my kids, but I did not think that wiping poop off of them when they could talk/swim/do gymnastics was necessary to prove that).

THIS. I've potty trained two children (Im a nanny like OP) The 2 year old was WAY easier than the 3 year old. Yes, the 3 year old understood the process better...but that understanding also came with the ability to be very defiant.

I love my baby, but I really don't want to be changing his diaper when he can walk, talk, and play. Changing a three year olds diaper is just gross. I'm sorry, if you are of sound mind and body with no other issues, then you can use the toilet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here's my theory -- it's easier to deal with the diapers now in the age of disposables and pullups, so parents aren't as motivated to start the training sooner.

And it's the simple truth!

There is a direct correlation between age of potty-training and availability and quality of disposable diapers. It's been researched. So what it comes down to, is parent motivation. Many are not putting in the hard work anymore.

My son with diagnosed global developmental delay was potty-trained at 2.5, just like his normally developing sister. The percentage of children with medical issues so severe as to make normal potty-training impossible is very small indeed.

If potty training at age 2 typically takes several weeks (or more), and results in lots of accidents, why not wait until it's easier at age 3? You think absorbent diapers make parents lazy. I believe absorbent diapers save parents the stress and hassle of a long drawn out potty training process. I don't see parents on this post explaining exactly what's so important about having a potty-trained one- or two-year-old.

Does the invention of baby formula mean women today are too lazy to offer themselves up as wet nurses? Are children these days lazy now that we don't all live on farms and make our kids do hard labor?

The reasons are:

1) it does not seem to be easier at 3 (lots of kids battle it and develop constipation/only poop in pull-ups issues);
2) some people actually find it empowering for children to learn to do things that are developmentally appropriate and like to teach their kids to do those things;
3) some people actually find changing diapers on older children not to be "easy" but rather revolting (yes, I love my kids, but I did not think that wiping poop off of them when they could talk/swim/do gymnastics was necessary to prove that).

THIS. I've potty trained two children (Im a nanny like OP) The 2 year old was WAY easier than the 3 year old. Yes, the 3 year old understood the process better...but that understanding also came with the ability to be very defiant.

I love my baby, but I really don't want to be changing his diaper when he can walk, talk, and play. Changing a three year olds diaper is just gross. I'm sorry, if you are of sound mind and body with no other issues, then you can use the toilet.

Woman plans, God laughs.

Good luck with all your assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Child development / parenting and financial management should be mandatory in high school.

The widespread ignorance is astounding. Not to mention how many parents are too busy, too tired, or too lazy.

...to parent. After all, it's hard work.

Work smarter, not harder hon. It does not need to take a year of toting around potty seats in your car and a bahzillion accidents to potty train a kid. If you PT when they are willing/ready you can have it done in a week. No mess. No fuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

This could apply to everything! Genius! Don't teach your kid to use silverware and hopefully he will feel like the odd one out and a little ape-like and start using it once he sees peers doing so! Shame! Who would have thought of this?! I am going to lay off all the teaching right now! Will save me a ton of effort.

No one is saying that PT shouldn't have at least been attempted by the age of 4. Yeah, the kid knows what a potty is and what it is used for but for whatever reason is not fully trained by the age of 4. I'm still not sure why a parent would owe you or anyone else an explanation as to why it is taking so long. Ironically, many times these issues stem from having attempted potty training too early - before the child was really ready/willing. I know that must be a hard one for the "I Potty Trained my baby at 9 months!" crowd to believe. But it happens.

If you potty trained your toddler - good for you!! But a kid isn't a freak if he/she is still PT in preschool.

It's not your kid, it's you. Someone else could have trained him. No one thinks your kid can't do it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

This could apply to everything! Genius! Don't teach your kid to use silverware and hopefully he will feel like the odd one out and a little ape-like and start using it once he sees peers doing so! Shame! Who would have thought of this?! I am going to lay off all the teaching right now! Will save me a ton of effort.

No one is saying that PT shouldn't have at least been attempted by the age of 4. Yeah, the kid knows what a potty is and what it is used for but for whatever reason is not fully trained by the age of 4. I'm still not sure why a parent would owe you or anyone else an explanation as to why it is taking so long. Ironically, many times these issues stem from having attempted potty training too early - before the child was really ready/willing. I know that must be a hard one for the "I Potty Trained my baby at 9 months!" crowd to believe. But it happens.

If you potty trained your toddler - good for you!! But a kid isn't a freak if he/she is still PT in preschool.

It's not your kid, it's you. Someone else could have trained him. No one thinks your kid can't do it...

Gah! So what? It isn't a contest. It isn't a race. There is no competition, there is no trophy for getting your kid PT first. YOU are doing that for YOU and your own sense of accomplishment. If you want to spend a year of year life rushing a 2 year old to a little potty seat and changing crapped on underwear and britches - go for it. If you want your kid to learn to go potty all by themselves - wait until they are ready.

Some might be ready for the whole process at 2. MANY are not ready until they are 3/3.5. Some might not be ready until they are 4. Eventually - they do learn!

[Anonymous]

Because parents are gone 10-11 hours every day and it's way easier on the weekends to just put them in pull-ups and let the daycare deal with it. It's time consuming and requires large blocks of time, patience and staying inside to do it the "fast" way (3 day method) and no one is taking days off work to potty train. Or running to spend their only family time I the weekends about potty training. So it gets put off until the daycare starts to apply pressure or kindergarten is looming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Seriously? A 40 ish pound 4 year old who knows letters, numbers, some sight words, the words to a ton of songs, who can tell a story, knows their colors and basic math, can climb to the top of the tall slide, run and pedal a bicycle is supposed to have their mom lift their legs to their ears to wipe feces off their behind like a baby and you can't think of any reason that is not okay?

We are talking healthy normal development children who are going to be in kindergarten in a year and you don't see any reason for them to learn a basic life skill, like eating with utensils and carrying their dish to the sink, using a fork and spoon, and putting themselves to sleep?

The point is that a 4 year old is way too big, in all senses of their development.

[Anonymous]

What does "being ready" even mean? Perhaps everyone is waiting for their child to say "I'm ready!" and that's why so many 4 year olds are gleefully pooping in their pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

This could apply to everything! Genius! Don't teach your kid to use silverware and hopefully he will feel like the odd one out and a little ape-like and start using it once he sees peers doing so! Shame! Who would have thought of this?! I am going to lay off all the teaching right now! Will save me a ton of effort.

No one is saying that PT shouldn't have at least been attempted by the age of 4. Yeah, the kid knows what a potty is and what it is used for but for whatever reason is not fully trained by the age of 4. I'm still not sure why a parent would owe you or anyone else an explanation as to why it is taking so long. Ironically, many times these issues stem from having attempted potty training too early - before the child was really ready/willing. I know that must be a hard one for the "I Potty Trained my baby at 9 months!" crowd to believe. But it happens.

If you potty trained your toddler - good for you!! But a kid isn't a freak if he/she is still PT in preschool.

It's not your kid, it's you. Someone else could have trained him. No one thinks your kid can't do it...

Gah! So what? It isn't a contest. It isn't a race. There is no competition, there is no trophy for getting your kid PT first. YOU are doing that for YOU and your own sense of accomplishment. If you want to spend a year of year life rushing a 2 year old to a little potty seat and changing crapped on underwear and britches - go for it. If you want your kid to learn to go potty all by themselves - wait until they are ready.

Some might be ready for the whole process at 2. MANY are not ready until they are 3/3.5. Some might not be ready until they are 4. Eventually - they do learn!

+1. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked my ass off to potty train my first and it still took her until at least 3.5. She was later diagnosed with ADHD. She's very stubborn and just ignored the cues, especially if she was playing. A whole year of accidents at malls, play places, etc. it sucked.

Same with my son who also has ADHD. I got rid of diapers and he wore underwear around 2.5 yrs old. He would go to the bathroom if there was a "good" incentive and after he got it, he would go back to going in his underwear. He could not have cared less about sitting in pee or poop. Finally, I just kind of gave up and he started going on his own around 3.5. Longest year of my life.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is boy does it not matter at all a few years down the road. People on here sound like control freaks. Very early "trainers" always seem to correlate with people who sleep train as soon as possible, spank, and force kids to clean their plates. It's about people who need to have absolute control. It turns out that even if you don't have absolute control, they grow up anyway. And there's a lot less screaming and power struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

This could apply to everything! Genius! Don't teach your kid to use silverware and hopefully he will feel like the odd one out and a little ape-like and start using it once he sees peers doing so! Shame! Who would have thought of this?! I am going to lay off all the teaching right now! Will save me a ton of effort.

No one is saying that PT shouldn't have at least been attempted by the age of 4. Yeah, the kid knows what a potty is and what it is used for but for whatever reason is not fully trained by the age of 4. I'm still not sure why a parent would owe you or anyone else an explanation as to why it is taking so long. Ironically, many times these issues stem from having attempted potty training too early - before the child was really ready/willing. I know that must be a hard one for the "I Potty Trained my baby at 9 months!" crowd to believe. But it happens.

If you potty trained your toddler - good for you!! But a kid isn't a freak if he/she is still PT in preschool.

It's not your kid, it's you. Someone else could have trained him. No one thinks your kid can't do it...

Gah! So what? It isn't a contest. It isn't a race. There is no competition, there is no trophy for getting your kid PT first. YOU are doing that for YOU and your own sense of accomplishment. If you want to spend a year of year life rushing a 2 year old to a little potty seat and changing crapped on underwear and britches - go for it. If you want your kid to learn to go potty all by themselves - wait until they are ready.

Some might be ready for the whole process at 2. MANY are not ready until they are 3/3.5. Some might not be ready until they are 4. Eventually - they do learn!

This is such an odd characterization. I'm not the PP you're arguing with, but that's such a false dichotomy (I have literally never met a person who PT by 2 or so do that-- rush or clean up inconvenient major accidents-- more than rarely)... not to mention, you know you're changing diapers and wiping poop off your kid for an extra year or two, right? I mean, that's the tradeoff. It doesn't come for free. We're not doing all this AND changing diapers for years.

I'm not even saying there's anything wrong with that, but it's not actually less work for you than for the vast majority of parents of kids who train by 2 or so.

I had a woman on DCUM tell me that having to stop briefly to take my PT'ed 16-month-old potty (at my DC's initiation) every 2-3 hours on a long road trip was "her idea of h*ll" and "why she waited until 3.5 for her kid to PT himself."

Huh?

I mean, if it's her idea of h*ll, I'm not going to convince her otherwise, but she was totally discounting all the work she had to do for an extra 2 years (wiping poop off a preschooler being just the most significant part) because it had become normal to her.

She was saying that she'd rather not have to make maybe one extra stop on a 9-hour road trip she took once or twice a year-- and this was such a deal breaker to her that she would rather change diapers for an additional 2 years instead.

To each her own-- absolutely. But I think some people get so wrapped up in the possibility of rare accidents or "rushing" occasionally (usually for a couple months-- if that-- not a year)-- while totally discounting the thousands of extra diaper changes, etc. (which I'm sure all bigger kids totally 100% tolerate without argument).

It's just kind of myopic, frankly. And I'm talking only about THIS aspect of the argument ("it's so much easier to wait an extra 2 years than deal with occasional accidents for 2 months"). Because if my kid has 4 accidents a week for 2 months, and the training pants are absorbent/waterproof like mine were, it was literally no bigger a deal than changing 32 (pee) diapers during a period which you'd be changing at least, what, 336? And then you'd go on to change another 4000+, when I'd be done. It's not about my sense of accomplishment. It's about my kid for the most part-- but if it's about me, it's about it being easier for me. Or my perception that it's easier-- and that's all yours is, too-- perception-- definitely not a fact.