3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

People accept the comforting lie from disposable diaper manufacturers that the kid is the one who should be in control. When people had to boil cloth diapers and wash them by hand, somehow babies magically trained by 18 months. My SIL said she didn't believe the 18 month stat, I offered her to come over and hand wash my poopy cloth diapers and I never heard back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy parents.

You sound terribly ill informed.

I had one child who was potty trained at 3.5 but not night trained until 6 years old!!!
Want to know why? Well when he was 2.5, we decided to renovate a house and we would go there every evening after work and there was no running water turned on.
It was much easier to keep him in diapers rather than look for a McDonald's to take him to and I didn't know about travel potties.

He also has severe ADHD which affects potty training. I bet you didn't know that - or just don't care.
My son tried as he turned 3 but just couldn't do it. He was such a sweet kid and just got upset every time he failed. He finally came home one day from preschool at age 3.5 and said he wanted to really get it this time.
He stayed dry for an entire 3 day weekend and was done with pullups. HE was finally ready!! He stayed in pull ups at night because he had accidents almost every night.

I am seriously afraid for kids not that I see such awful comments on here. Some parents are overwhelmed and could possibly do better but nobody is perfect. Why must we judge everyone?
I'm really concerned for kids who have ADHD too. It's often not diagnosed at potty training age but it is affecting potty training. Punishing these kids won't work.

LET"S BE KIND.

I am starting to train my 16 month old and I can report to you she couldn't care less about accidents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids have delays and it takes a long time. Some have fears and withhold. Some caregivers/parents aren’t firm enough or don’t go into it with a solid plan. Some wait too long thinking it will be easier when the child is older. I’d say half the time potty training issues are due to the kid and the other half due to parents.

This is not a judgement or blanket statement, but as an anecdote I have three friends whose kids did not PT until 3-4 and had a horrible time getting there. Each of those kids also had bad sleep habits — never sleep trained, wake multiple times, and bed share. Generally they were catered to I think too much. Again just anecdotes of what I’ve seen in my circle of friends but in SOME cases the whole “baby tells us when baby wants to do anything” hands-free route can cause major problems.

This. The children I know who aren’t potty trained by a reasonable age have parents who think they are nice to their kids by not establishing boundaries. They don’t want potty training to be stressful and practically expect the child to get their on their own. Similar story with sleep training. I’ve never understood it because it’s not like there is some benefit to a child by not sleeping well or going in a diaper at age 3. These parents seem to really struggle and it will be interesting to see what happens as their children get older and don’t have parents who will establish boundaries or rules. many of the moms in these situations seem to be moms who get a lot of their identity from parenting. They are all about their kids and their kids come before really anything or anyone including their spouse. There are a lot of common characteristics with the kids who aren’t potty trained at a reasonable time and it’s interesting. But you can’t ever say anything to these parents because they assume you just have a good sleeper or a child who was easy to potty train. Nope, my kid is stubborn too but I did the hard work because of what is best for my child.

Unfortunately the pull ups encourage later potty training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy parents.

You sound terribly ill informed.

I had one child who was potty trained at 3.5 but not night trained until 6 years old!!!
Want to know why? Well when he was 2.5, we decided to renovate a house and we would go there every evening after work and there was no running water turned on.
It was much easier to keep him in diapers rather than look for a McDonald's to take him to and I didn't know about travel potties.

He also has severe ADHD which affects potty training. I bet you didn't know that - or just don't care.
My son tried as he turned 3 but just couldn't do it. He was such a sweet kid and just got upset every time he failed. He finally came home one day from preschool at age 3.5 and said he wanted to really get it this time.
He stayed dry for an entire 3 day weekend and was done with pullups. HE was finally ready!! He stayed in pull ups at night because he had accidents almost every night.

I am seriously afraid for kids not that I see such awful comments on here. Some parents are overwhelmed and could possibly do better but nobody is perfect. Why must we judge everyone?
I'm really concerned for kids who have ADHD too. It's often not diagnosed at potty training age but it is affecting potty training. Punishing these kids won't work.

LET"S BE KIND.

I mean it does kind of sound like lazy parenting. You had your child going in a diaper because of a house renovation. That’s crazy.

You also had your kid in pull ups. Of course he was going in them.

ADHD isn’t an excuse. Until Pull-ups and modern parenting, almost all kids were potty trained by 20 months. Seriously all of them. Just like now almost all kids are potty trained by age Six baring a disability. You’ve been had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People accept the comforting lie from disposable diaper manufacturers that the kid is the one who should be in control. When people had to boil cloth diapers and wash them by hand, somehow babies magically trained by 18 months. My SIL said she didn't believe the 18 month stat, I offered her to come over and hand wash my poopy cloth diapers and I never heard back.

Yes this.

[Anonymous]

We waited to start each kid until they moved to a daycare room with a restroom, as daycare wouldn't support training until then. For my first, that was just after 2yo, and for the second, 2.5yo. Having trouble with my second as he keeps having to stay home from daycare due to Covid exposure/potential Covid, while I still have to work, so there is far less consistency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids have delays and it takes a long time. Some have fears and withhold. Some caregivers/parents aren’t firm enough or don’t go into it with a solid plan. Some wait too long thinking it will be easier when the child is older. I’d say half the time potty training issues are due to the kid and the other half due to parents.

This is not a judgement or blanket statement, but as an anecdote I have three friends whose kids did not PT until 3-4 and had a horrible time getting there. Each of those kids also had bad sleep habits — never sleep trained, wake multiple times, and bed share. Generally they were catered to I think too much. Again just anecdotes of what I’ve seen in my circle of friends but in SOME cases the whole “baby tells us when baby wants to do anything” hands-free route can cause major problems.

This. The children I know who aren’t potty trained by a reasonable age have parents who think they are nice to their kids by not establishing boundaries. They don’t want potty training to be stressful and practically expect the child to get their on their own. Similar story with sleep training. I’ve never understood it because it’s not like there is some benefit to a child by not sleeping well or going in a diaper at age 3. These parents seem to really struggle and it will be interesting to see what happens as their children get older and don’t have parents who will establish boundaries or rules. many of the moms in these situations seem to be moms who get a lot of their identity from parenting. They are all about their kids and their kids come before really anything or anyone including their spouse. There are a lot of common characteristics with the kids who aren’t potty trained at a reasonable time and it’s interesting. But you can’t ever say anything to these parents because they assume you just have a good sleeper or a child who was easy to potty train. Nope, my kid is stubborn too but I did the hard work because of what is best for my child.

Unfortunately the pull ups encourage later potty training.

My child is 3, resistant to potty training, and has been sleep trained for over two years. He has boundaries and is a sweet, kind child. There is no one size fits all answer. Stop judging parents and maybe acknowledge that they know their child better than you, a stranger, does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids have delays and it takes a long time. Some have fears and withhold. Some caregivers/parents aren’t firm enough or don’t go into it with a solid plan. Some wait too long thinking it will be easier when the child is older. I’d say half the time potty training issues are due to the kid and the other half due to parents.

This is not a judgement or blanket statement, but as an anecdote I have three friends whose kids did not PT until 3-4 and had a horrible time getting there. Each of those kids also had bad sleep habits — never sleep trained, wake multiple times, and bed share. Generally they were catered to I think too much. Again just anecdotes of what I’ve seen in my circle of friends but in SOME cases the whole “baby tells us when baby wants to do anything” hands-free route can cause major problems.

This. The children I know who aren’t potty trained by a reasonable age have parents who think they are nice to their kids by not establishing boundaries. They don’t want potty training to be stressful and practically expect the child to get their on their own. Similar story with sleep training. I’ve never understood it because it’s not like there is some benefit to a child by not sleeping well or going in a diaper at age 3. These parents seem to really struggle and it will be interesting to see what happens as their children get older and don’t have parents who will establish boundaries or rules. many of the moms in these situations seem to be moms who get a lot of their identity from parenting. They are all about their kids and their kids come before really anything or anyone including their spouse. There are a lot of common characteristics with the kids who aren’t potty trained at a reasonable time and it’s interesting. But you can’t ever say anything to these parents because they assume you just have a good sleeper or a child who was easy to potty train. Nope, my kid is stubborn too but I did the hard work because of what is best for my child.

Unfortunately the pull ups encourage later potty training.

My child is 3, resistant to potty training, and has been sleep trained for over two years. He has boundaries and is a sweet, kind child. There is no one size fits all answer. Stop judging parents and maybe acknowledge that they know their child better than you, a stranger, does.

Yep. I have two boys. My first was potty trained at 2. It wasn't easy but took about 2 weeks and we were done. We tried with my second at age 2 and he resisted mightily. Same a few months later at age 3. Then he developed constipation and we struggled through that. We consulted a potty training expert and a psychologist. We went through a lot over about a 20-month period. He always had peeing in the toilet downpat but he was using poop as a control thing-- it was all behavioral. We finally cracked the code at 4.5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the diapers in landfills NEVER disintegrate. Do you all so worried about climate change not know this?

Some of us used cloth. Did you?

I certainly did. And hung them to dry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids have delays and it takes a long time. Some have fears and withhold. Some caregivers/parents aren’t firm enough or don’t go into it with a solid plan. Some wait too long thinking it will be easier when the child is older. I’d say half the time potty training issues are due to the kid and the other half due to parents.

This is not a judgement or blanket statement, but as an anecdote I have three friends whose kids did not PT until 3-4 and had a horrible time getting there. Each of those kids also had bad sleep habits — never sleep trained, wake multiple times, and bed share. Generally they were catered to I think too much. Again just anecdotes of what I’ve seen in my circle of friends but in SOME cases the whole “baby tells us when baby wants to do anything” hands-free route can cause major problems.

This. The children I know who aren’t potty trained by a reasonable age have parents who think they are nice to their kids by not establishing boundaries. They don’t want potty training to be stressful and practically expect the child to get their on their own. Similar story with sleep training. I’ve never understood it because it’s not like there is some benefit to a child by not sleeping well or going in a diaper at age 3. These parents seem to really struggle and it will be interesting to see what happens as their children get older and don’t have parents who will establish boundaries or rules. many of the moms in these situations seem to be moms who get a lot of their identity from parenting. They are all about their kids and their kids come before really anything or anyone including their spouse. There are a lot of common characteristics with the kids who aren’t potty trained at a reasonable time and it’s interesting. But you can’t ever say anything to these parents because they assume you just have a good sleeper or a child who was easy to potty train. Nope, my kid is stubborn too but I did the hard work because of what is best for my child.

Unfortunately the pull ups encourage later potty training.

My child is 3, resistant to potty training, and has been sleep trained for over two years. He has boundaries and is a sweet, kind child. There is no one size fits all answer. Stop judging parents and maybe acknowledge that they know their child better than you, a stranger, does.

Yep. I have two boys. My first was potty trained at 2. It wasn't easy but took about 2 weeks and we were done. We tried with my second at age 2 and he resisted mightily. Same a few months later at age 3. Then he developed constipation and we struggled through that. We consulted a potty training expert and a psychologist. We went through a lot over about a 20-month period. He always had peeing in the toilet downpat but he was using poop as a control thing-- it was all behavioral. We finally cracked the code at 4.5.

So for this 20 month period your child was going in his pants and you were NOT using pull ups or diapers? In other words, you couldn’t live a normal life with your child - no birthday parties, trips to the zoo etc?

Or let me guess...you used pull ups and diapers during this time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People accept the comforting lie from disposable diaper manufacturers that the kid is the one who should be in control. When people had to boil cloth diapers and wash them by hand, somehow babies magically trained by 18 months. My SIL said she didn't believe the 18 month stat, I offered her to come over and hand wash my poopy cloth diapers and I never heard back.

Yeah, this is NOT true. Why do you think there were 'rubber pants'? Hint-they were for 2 and 3yos who weren't potty trained!

[Anonymous]

Their body, their choice. Plus I also read this article by a urologist saying there is no benefit to early training (only harm). My kids all PT around 3.5. And it was great for me. One day they put on underwear and that was it. No accidents.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/potty-training_b_1424826/amp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids have delays and it takes a long time. Some have fears and withhold. Some caregivers/parents aren’t firm enough or don’t go into it with a solid plan. Some wait too long thinking it will be easier when the child is older. I’d say half the time potty training issues are due to the kid and the other half due to parents.

This is not a judgement or blanket statement, but as an anecdote I have three friends whose kids did not PT until 3-4 and had a horrible time getting there. Each of those kids also had bad sleep habits — never sleep trained, wake multiple times, and bed share. Generally they were catered to I think too much. Again just anecdotes of what I’ve seen in my circle of friends but in SOME cases the whole “baby tells us when baby wants to do anything” hands-free route can cause major problems.

This. The children I know who aren’t potty trained by a reasonable age have parents who think they are nice to their kids by not establishing boundaries. They don’t want potty training to be stressful and practically expect the child to get their on their own. Similar story with sleep training. I’ve never understood it because it’s not like there is some benefit to a child by not sleeping well or going in a diaper at age 3. These parents seem to really struggle and it will be interesting to see what happens as their children get older and don’t have parents who will establish boundaries or rules. many of the moms in these situations seem to be moms who get a lot of their identity from parenting. They are all about their kids and their kids come before really anything or anyone including their spouse. There are a lot of common characteristics with the kids who aren’t potty trained at a reasonable time and it’s interesting. But you can’t ever say anything to these parents because they assume you just have a good sleeper or a child who was easy to potty train. Nope, my kid is stubborn too but I did the hard work because of what is best for my child.

Unfortunately the pull ups encourage later potty training.

+1 In MOST instances of kids I know who did not train until 3+, there was something else at play, and almost every time (if not a developmental issue) the kids having accidents or not reliably potty trained also only slept in their parents bed and had fractured sleep (up until 11pm, awake during the night). PPs are NOT saying ALL older kids still in diapers are bad sleepers or have major delays but that many of us know ENOUGH kids who fit this mold to know in SOME/MANY instances there is a strong correlation. I personally think it’s most often the parents than the kids causing it to fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So you've trained two children, and you know everything now, huh?

My son trained at 3.5. That's when he was ready. We tried at 2.75, with an experienced day care worker who had trained literally dozens of children and said he would be no problem. Two weeks later, she gave up and told us to send in the diapers, that he simply wasn't ready. I tried again at 3 and 3.3, then at 3.5, we were done within a week.

I have many, many friends with boys who said their boys trained right at 3, and that no amount of cajoling worked earlier, but it was easy at 3. I had another friend whose child stubbornly refused to train until 4. My niece was another stubborn trainer. Her brother trained easily, she was a nightmare.

It depends so much on the kid.

The above explains it perfectly. They started late and missed the window. Very few people even try potty training kids under 2 anymore. They wait until they can’t put it off any longer and are surprised that almost 3 year olds are stubborn! Then they basically wait until the kid can do it with no parental help which is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I feel for any of the other parents out there struggling with PT. My son will be 4 soon and I’ve only ever gotten him to pee in a potty once after almost a year of trying of and on. No amount of bribes or frequent trips to the potty make a difference. It’s so incredibly stressful and I’m tired of wasting our weekends to work on it.
And he’s been sleep trained and sleeping through the night since 1 so no issues there. I just have a stubborn 3yo!