3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

then how are you sending this message?

^^pretty sure that was perfect satire.

Seriously, though the above was satire, your child should not be able to read the words on the package of diapers before they are potty trained.

I'll answer, OP -- if the child is developmentally average, there is no reason other than lack of follow-through on the part of the parents. This is why children are often potty-trained at daycare, yet aren't on the weekends. Diapers now are so easy (don't get me started on pull-ups), that it is easier for many parents to just put one on the kid and throw a spare in a bag, rather than make sure the child has used the toilet before outings and has one available at all time on outings. When cloth diapers were likely to leak and make a mess, potty-training was more attractive to parents. The new diapers rarely leak.

[Anonymous]

My first trained at 3.5.

I did not learn until after this experience that there was a difference between being potty trained and being able to wake up in the middle of the night when you have to go. I thought it all had to go hand in hand. So even though, looking back, I think he could have been day time trained earlier, I assumed that you had to be able to be 24 hour trained before you could consider it potty trained. So I did not push it earlier. Does that make sense?

Anyway, rookie mistake apparently. So now we are training my just turned 2 year old to be daytime potty trained. Most nights she is dry until morning, but not every night.

[Anonymous]

Your sample of 2 does not make you qualified to judge others..all kids are different in development/temperament. You will see this as your child gets older. Some things seem like they should be no big deal until they are a huge issue for your child.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you were kind of a crappy, stupid nanny, OP, if you really, truly do not *understand* or can't imagine a situation where a child isn't potty trained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry if this is all too harsh. I really want to know why your 3/4 year old isn't potty trained.

I really want to know why you want to know this. I also really want to know why you would think this was any of your business.

(And no, I'm not defensive. My kids were out of diapers well before age 3.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're changing their diapers, why do you care? Seriously?

So annoying when people write that response. Why do people care about anyhthing on this board? Its anonymous and the OP is curious.

[Anonymous]

I have two theories:

1. Because diapers are so crazy-super-absorbent, kids don't get the instant feedback when they've peed, starting at infancy. In the old days, babies/young toddlers felt when they peed and their brain was able to make that cause-effect connection. That had to help them know better when they were going, which of course will help with potty training.
2. For a variety of social/cultural reasons, most parents miss the 18 month - early 2 year old window when potty training is pretty easy for most kids. Perhaps the kids genuinely aren't ready because of issue #1, more likely the cultural norm has just shifted older, so most parents don't even try. And potty training a child deep in the midst of independence and defiance later in their twos is surely harder. So that leaves parents to just wait out the kids until, basically, the kid wants and is capable of doing it all by themselves, without any real "training"

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has a 4 year old who isn't completely trained, and the parents tried everything. It turned out that the child did have a problem getting the signals that it was time to go, so she would wait to long. And medication did help. She also went to a school that was very hands off in terms of taking kids on regular potty breaks/or being otherwise directive-and that approach did not help this kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

then how are you sending this message?

^^pretty sure that was perfect satire.

Seriously, though the above was satire, your child should not be able to read the words on the package of diapers before they are potty trained.

I'll answer, OP -- if the child is developmentally average, there is no reason other than lack of follow-through on the part of the parents. This is why children are often potty-trained at daycare, yet aren't on the weekends. Diapers now are so easy (don't get me started on pull-ups), that it is easier for many parents to just put one on the kid and throw a spare in a bag, rather than make sure the child has used the toilet before outings and has one available at all time on outings. When cloth diapers were likely to leak and make a mess, potty-training was more attractive to parents. The new diapers rarely leak.

I am a very experienced daycare parent and I've literally never seen a child who is potty trained at daycare and not on the weekends. I'm not even sure how that is possible.

[Anonymous]

I too am not sure why you care, other than to judge. I am the parent of two boys. My older son was trained right at three, as were the majority of his peers. A few of the girls were trained around 2 1/2.

My second son just turned two. I suppose if I were to stay home and kill both of us mentally in order to win some kind of contest, I could probably train him. But the bottom line is it will be much easier in a year or so, when he understands the process better.

In a way it IS the devotion to the process of the parent or the child care provider. That said, I do think around three is the easiest time for a child mentally. The people I know who waited longer ran into issues when they tried initially and didn't want to make it into a huge battle. Some might define that as laziness, and I admit I questioned a friend whose 3 1/2 year-old neurotypical son was home with the nanny all day and still was not trained.

That said, you are not going to get an answer that satisfies you here. You should probably start elimination communication now with your infant, so you can be sure you won't be in the situation. Because, you know, it's really easy to control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're changing their diapers, why do you care? Seriously?

So annoying when people write that response. Why do people care about anyhthing on this board? Its anonymous and the OP is curious.

That's the charitable explanation.

[Anonymous]

My oldest trained at 3.25. He was resistant before then and I didn't see the need to make it a traumatizing experience. By 3.25, he was ready and it was easy. One day time pee accident. Nothing else. One of the easiest things I have done. We are happy how it worked out.

[Anonymous]

Why are you asking this Op?

My own kids potty trained around 3 1/2 to 3 3/4 years. I could have really made it my mission to train them before that I suppose....but as it was, they potty trained quickly, no accidents, little hassle.

I had zero interest in toting around a potty seat, dealing with accidents, etc. I have seen lots of "potty trained" child piddle on bus seats and playground slides, poop in their pants to know that not all kids should be potty trained by 3. If it takes some kids another year...so what? And what's it to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:here's my theory -- it's easier to deal with the diapers now in the age of disposables and pullups, so parents aren't as motivated to start the training sooner.

And it's the simple truth!

There is a direct correlation between age of potty-training and availability and quality of disposable diapers. It's been researched. So what it comes down to, is parent motivation. Many are not putting in the hard work anymore.

My son with diagnosed global developmental delay was potty-trained at 2.5, just like his normally developing sister. The percentage of children with medical issues so severe as to make normal potty-training impossible is very small indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you asking this Op?

My own kids potty trained around 3 1/2 to 3 3/4 years. I could have really made it my mission to train them before that I suppose....but as it was, they potty trained quickly, no accidents, little hassle.

I had zero interest in toting around a potty seat, dealing with accidents, etc. I have seen lots of "potty trained" child piddle on bus seats and playground slides, poop in their pants to know that not all kids should be potty trained by 3. If it takes some kids another year...so what? And what's it to you?

Posters on DCUM have a surprising amount of difficulty understanding the following two related concepts:

1. People who are not me sometimes make decisions that are different from the decisions that I might make.
2. I don't have any control over this.

I don't know whether this difficulty is specific to posters on DCUM, or whether it's a general human failing.