3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

All the kids I know 3.5+ are potty trained, and many trained earlier. With the exception of overnight, as I know lots of boys who were not overnight trained until much later.

[Anonymous]

You sound tremendously judgmental OP.

If the child in question is neither your own child, or one for whom you are being paid to provide care, then how is this your business or concern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest trained at 3.25. He was resistant before then and I didn't see the need to make it a traumatizing experience. By 3.25, he was ready and it was easy. One day time pee accident. Nothing else. One of the easiest things I have done. We are happy how it worked out.

Same at our house. I didn't push before that because I didn't want it to become an issue and we also had a lot going on at home during that time and neither of us needed additional, self-imposed stress. As it turned out, I mentally prepared for a few weeks of hell and it didn't happen. The clouds parted and angels sang and my kid figured it out the minute the pull-up was ditched. I assume that means that it might have been a non-issue earlier, too, but that's hindsight.

Really, though, when I find myself judging other parents and their decisions, I ask myself why I care. My own peeve is older kids (3+) walking around with pacifiers in their mouths. I have this irrational urge to ask WHYYYYYYYYY. But it doesn't actually matter because it isn't my kid or my problem or my oral fixation or dental bills. A casual onlooker didn't know that I didn't push PT until 3 because my kid had a severe speech delay AND a father who was away on long term assignment overseas and I didn't think that he needed additional pressure. So if folks thought I was just lazy (and, hey, I might be lazy on top of all of that) then that's on them.

[Anonymous]

Do you get an award for potty training before 3? Does it really affect anyone else if your kid potty trains before 3? A year or so later does anyone even care if your kid potty trains before 3?

Is a child's life ruined forever if he/she potty trains at 3.5 or 4 years old instead? What is the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here's my theory -- it's easier to deal with the diapers now in the age of disposables and pullups, so parents aren't as motivated to start the training sooner.

And it's the simple truth!

There is a direct correlation between age of potty-training and availability and quality of disposable diapers. It's been researched. So what it comes down to, is parent motivation. Many are not putting in the hard work anymore.

My son with diagnosed global developmental delay was potty-trained at 2.5, just like his normally developing sister. The percentage of children with medical issues so severe as to make normal potty-training impossible is very small indeed.

I agree with this. The availability of disposables to fit an older child makes it possible, and the willingness of parents to have a medical reason for something they don't want to deal with.

My second one was S.T.U.B.B.O.R.N. He did not care if he was wet, we put him in regular underwear thinking that would help. I had him stop playing to go.. everything I could think of. Someone suggested he wasn't ready, at a little over 3. I didn't believe it, he just couldn't be bothered. Guess what worked? We had planned a trip to Disneyland and told him he couldn't see Mickey if he was still wearing diapers or wetting his pants. Lo and behold he started using the toilet. Rarely if ever had an accident after that. I guess he was ready!

[Anonymous]

I worked my ass off to potty train my first and it still took her until at least 3.5. She was later diagnosed with ADHD. She's very stubborn and just ignored the cues, especially if she was playing. A whole year of accidents at malls, play places, etc. it sucked.

[Anonymous]

I have three - trained my youngest and oldest at 20 months and 22 months. The kid in the middle wasn't potty trained until almost four. I tried EVERYTHING. It just wasn't clicking. It was awful.

[Anonymous]

It's the parents. They give the kid the option. There is your answer. Apologies to the late trainers who have been blaming their children. And I don't mean that people who don't give the option to wear diapers past 2 are punishing. It just is not an option, and the parents act confident that the kids can do it. Barring SN, the child can by 2.5 at the latest. If the parent acts doubtful, wishy washy, begs, pleads, but ultimately gives in, the kid will not do it until he decides to, long after winning the power battle. Don't flinch--even when you want to. I realized my mistake later with the night training--I trained my kids before 2 but let the night training go on and on after that because they were young to start with and then it just seemed impossible. I should have just told them they could do it and taken away the pull-ups and not let that go on for 2 more years. Big mistake, and in retrospect, I realize it was me, and not them.

[Anonymous]

Not all of us are perfect mom's like you. I started at 11 months - my kid easily peed and pooped on the potty. BUT, he had developmental delays where he could not tell us he had to go so he was not PT till 4. We tried for 3 years... now, if we were perfect parents like you, it would have been done by 12 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

then how are you sending this message?

^^pretty sure that was perfect satire.

Seriously, though the above was satire, your child should not be able to read the words on the package of diapers before they are potty trained.

I'll answer, OP -- if the child is developmentally average, there is no reason other than lack of follow-through on the part of the parents. This is why children are often potty-trained at daycare, yet aren't on the weekends. Diapers now are so easy (don't get me started on pull-ups), that it is easier for many parents to just put one on the kid and throw a spare in a bag, rather than make sure the child has used the toilet before outings and has one available at all time on outings. When cloth diapers were likely to leak and make a mess, potty-training was more attractive to parents. The new diapers rarely leak.

This. Developmental delays aside, some parents just aren't prepared to commit. While I think it's essential to wait until the child is ready, starting between 2-3 is the norm for average, healthy children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

then how are you sending this message?

^^pretty sure that was perfect satire.

Seriously, though the above was satire, your child should not be able to read the words on the package of diapers before they are potty trained.

I'll answer, OP -- if the child is developmentally average, there is no reason other than lack of follow-through on the part of the parents. This is why children are often potty-trained at daycare, yet aren't on the weekends. Diapers now are so easy (don't get me started on pull-ups), that it is easier for many parents to just put one on the kid and throw a spare in a bag, rather than make sure the child has used the toilet before outings and has one available at all time on outings. When cloth diapers were likely to leak and make a mess, potty-training was more attractive to parents. The new diapers rarely leak.

I am a very experienced daycare parent and I've literally never seen a child who is potty trained at daycare and not on the weekends. I'm not even sure how that is possible.

What does that even mean? A very experienced daycare parent?

Anyway I know of several people whose kids are potty trained at daycare but the parents didn't keep it up and the child would regress/not be potty trained on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:agree- it's often medical. Children will want to do what their peers are doing but for some kids it's really hard. Children with developmental delays or low tone can have a hard time 'feeling' when they have to go.

This. And constipation.

[Anonymous]

He has a language delay. We're finding out some of his behavioral issues may be related to autism. We're struggling but thanks for the judgment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

I like you, PP - that made me laugh.

OP, two kids does not an expert make. Every kid is different. Some kids are spectacularly stubborn. My son wasn't trained until just after 3.5 because he developed a constipation issue from not wanting to go away from home, something my daughter never had an issue with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

then how are you sending this message?

^^pretty sure that was perfect satire.

Seriously, though the above was satire, your child should not be able to read the words on the package of diapers before they are potty trained.

I'll answer, OP -- if the child is developmentally average, there is no reason other than lack of follow-through on the part of the parents. This is why children are often potty-trained at daycare, yet aren't on the weekends. Diapers now are so easy (don't get me started on pull-ups), that it is easier for many parents to just put one on the kid and throw a spare in a bag, rather than make sure the child has used the toilet before outings and has one available at all time on outings. When cloth diapers were likely to leak and make a mess, potty-training was more attractive to parents. The new diapers rarely leak.

I am a very experienced daycare parent and I've literally never seen a child who is potty trained at daycare and not on the weekends. I'm not even sure how that is possible.

What does that even mean? A very experienced daycare parent?

Anyway I know of several people whose kids are potty trained at daycare but the parents didn't keep it up and the child would regress/not be potty trained on weekends.

A parent who's very involved in the center and has had two kids there a total of 7 years. Literally never heard of this happening. Once a kid is trained, they don't WANT to use diapers, especially if they're in a social setting with other kids their age who are (this all assumes kids are neurotypical). Are you saying these parents WANT their kids in diapers?