3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

I know I'm going to start a debate here, but I really want to know how it comes to be that an able body/mind 4 year old is still not fully potty trained. I am a mother to an infant and am genuinely curious how that happens.

I'm a long time nanny and have potty trained two children, for what it's worth. I know how hard it is. But, I wasn't about to let a 3 year old go on not being potty trained. It seems to me that if the child can ask to be changed ("I need my diaper changed") then they're probably too old for a diaper. Is that not true?

Is it laziness? On the part of the parent and child to not start earlier?
Did you start and then stop?
Is 2 years old too young?
Is it just too darn hard so everyone waits until the child can basically do it all themselves, even if that takes until they're 4?

Sorry if this is all too harsh. I really want to know why your 3/4 year old isn't potty trained.

[Anonymous]

So you've trained two children, and you know everything now, huh?

My son trained at 3.5. That's when he was ready. We tried at 2.75, with an experienced day care worker who had trained literally dozens of children and said he would be no problem. Two weeks later, she gave up and told us to send in the diapers, that he simply wasn't ready. I tried again at 3 and 3.3, then at 3.5, we were done within a week.

I have many, many friends with boys who said their boys trained right at 3, and that no amount of cajoling worked earlier, but it was easy at 3. I had another friend whose child stubbornly refused to train until 4. My niece was another stubborn trainer. Her brother trained easily, she was a nightmare.

It depends so much on the kid.

[Anonymous]

All of the above?

Idk. Some kids are stubborn. But once we knew our children could understand and physically do it, diapers were gone and that was that. My kids trained at 2y4m and 2y10m (younger one we tried earlier but he just didn't understand.)

[Anonymous]

Young 3 is one thing.

4 is another. There is no excuse for 4 unless it is medical.

[Anonymous]

Some kids just aren't developmentally ready. My child has a mild developmental delay and wasn't there yet until 4.5. And when it happened it was full bore, including immediate night training. I can't really get worked up about it. Early training is like early reading or walking -- it doesn't mean anything except that it happened early.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're changing their diapers, why do you care? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

agree- it's often medical. Children will want to do what their peers are doing but for some kids it's really hard. Children with developmental delays or low tone can have a hard time 'feeling' when they have to go.

[Anonymous]

My child was trained around 3.75, but continued to have frequent accidents for a couple years after that. I think he just didn't pay enough attention to his body to know when he had to go. When he was 6, he was diagnosed with ADHD and autism. Even now, he doesn't pay attention to his body cues to know, for example, when he's hungry.

So at 3, he would have appeared to judgy people like you as "able mind/body" but in fact he had some developmental disabilities that made potty training difficult.

In contrast, his typical little brother, with the same parents, trained himself right around 2 and hasn't had an accident since.

[Anonymous]

For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

[Anonymous]

here's my theory -- it's easier to deal with the diapers now in the age of disposables and pullups, so parents aren't as motivated to start the training sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

What? why do they need to be able to read on the toilet? Business on the toilet should take less than five minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

then how are you sending this message?

[Anonymous]

Lazy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

then how are you sending this message?

^^pretty sure that was perfect satire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

LOL!