Would you view this to be a breach of trust?

[Anonymous]

OP, who's more important to you?

Your wife or your friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, who's more important to you?

Your wife or your friend?

This is the essential issue. Which is it OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, what the fuck is wrong with you. Why would you want to father a child and not be involved with it? Also, don't buy for a minute that you won't be legally responsible for this child. Case law isn't on your side here. Also, the woman may tell you now in all sincerity that she won't want you involved. Once that kid starts asking questions about his or her father, or displays interests or traits that you have, she'll be giving you a call. And, why are you so committed to helping a friend. If you are that committed, divorce your wife and marry her. I'm not kidding.

[Anonymous]

So after you do this OP, you will then be divorced, alone, and have a child with a lesbian who said she did not want you involved.

Is this really worth it because she "helped save you" from yourself. Seems to be you are going to tank your life with this decision.

[Anonymous]

OP, why is it that your wife has no knowledge of this friend?

[Anonymous]

If OP does this without the knowledge of his wife it would be inexcusable.

For him to do it without her concurrence given that the child will not be someone whose care or financial support will involve OP or his wife is something the latter should not have a veto right. I would feel the same way if my husband made a unilateral decision to donate his sperm to a sperm bank. I have the right to express my opinion but I don't have the right to forbid it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you feel pretty strongly about it. I think rather than trying to find a way to do it behind your wife's back I would work on getting your wife on board with the idea. Slowly, letting her ask whatever she needs to ask and then sitting with it, etc. I think that's the only way for this to work.

I feel a very strong obligation to help my friend. I also don't want to irretrievably destroy my marriage. I am conflicted.

OP, you made a VOW of loyalty to your wife, for the rest of your life. You promised her that you would put her above all others, that you would love her and cherish her as long as you both shall live.

You may feel a sense of gratitude or appreciation for this other female friend, but you did not make a solemn vow to her to be loyal to her for the rest of her life. You made that vow to your wife. Therefore, your wife should and must be your first priority.

The fact that you feel conflicted is really disturbing, and the fact that you are going to persist in this with absolutely no consideration of your vows to your wife is not only selfish and inconsiderate; it is borderline sociopathic. Frankly, you strike me as flattered at this very wealthy woman coveting your sperm, and you're letting your flattery go to your head. As far as I'm concerned your wife is better off without you.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Contributing your biological material to create a child with someone other than your wife, without her knowledge and consent, is a breach of trust on par with cheating.

I would divorce your ass in a second and take you for all that you are worth, since you make it obvious you don't respect your wife's feelings or wishes more than those of some random "friend."

The fact that you are even asking is totally FUBAR.

[Anonymous]

Where is your promised explanation, OP? The readers of DCUM are dying to know what your justification is for this folly. Fait accompli, indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is your promised explanation, OP? The readers of DCUM are dying to know what your justification is for this folly. Fait accompli, indeed.

We're not giving OP the response he wanted, so he's ignoring us just like he ignores his wife's feelings. It's all about OP and what he wants.

[Anonymous]

I will be informing my wife about this over the weekend and will provide the promised explanation thereafter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be informing my wife about this over the weekend and will provide the promised explanation thereafter.

you're insane and the friend is wildly out of line. it's not your place to give your friend a baby and I guarantee you will wreck your marriage.

[Anonymous]

There is no possible explanation that could justify such a breach. She saved his life? She helped him through tough times? The magic contents of his special sperm will grant her immortality?

I cannot fathom any rationale that would justify this betrayal and disloyalty to your wife. Her life is going to be so much better when she divorces you.

[Anonymous]

So OP is till following?

Why do you think it would make a damn difference to post the rationale now or after.

I guarantee you, whatever "reasoning" you think would change anyone's mind is bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Your wife does not own your body - but geezz, fella - you have kinda a sick fascination with this scenario. You obviously love to turn this over in your head, to stir the pot of discontent in your marriage.

Your wife has bigger problems with you, I'm sure, in your marriage, than just this issue.