Would you view this to be a breach of trust?

[Anonymous]

Yes it is a major breach of trust. You don't get to lie (or leave out major information) to your wife to avoid her input. Besides, when she found out, and she would, she would string you up by your nuts while she gave you a piece of her mind, daily, then take you to court for half plus, if the state allows.

Here are your only options if you want to be a person with some integrity:

1. Don't tell and don't donate
2. Tell and discuss and don't donate
3. Tell and discuss and donate anyway, and live with the consequences. Maybe your wife wouldn't care. I don't think I would, but I bet my husband would not guess that right.

Option of not telling and donating anyway leaves you open to be royally F****'d down the road. Besides, it's a sleazy move.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like an excuse to have an affair then say OH OH after the deed is done.

Unless you want a divorce and a lifetime of paying child support, you better stop dreaming of producing a rich Indigo child because in the real world, this never works out.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would consider it a huge breach of trust if my husband knowingly chose to do something he knew would upset me.

The difference between asking me first or just doing it anyway is marginal if my position on things are completely clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an excuse to have an affair then say OH OH after the deed is done.

Unless you want a divorce and a lifetime of paying child support, you better stop dreaming of producing a rich Indigo child because in the real world, this never works out.

She is gay so an affair is not even remotely likely.

[Anonymous]

Absofuckinglutely. My husband is not to have a child with anyone besides me. I can't believe you even need to ask this.

It doesn't matter that this woman helped you through a rough patch. You send a damn thank you card and flowers, NOT SPERM, as a thank you for that.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure what my answer would be if my husband asked me about this. But if he did it without disclosing it to me, I would divorce him immediately. And I am pretty against divorce. But I would never be able to get over it.

[Anonymous]

I would not ever do this. If you want to donate sperm, do it through an official sperm bank. I'm sure your wife wouldn't object. Don't get into this personal donation business, there is too much legal stuff involved to ever be truly sure and secure about your future obligations and possible consequences.

If you do it without your wife's knowledge - yes breach of trust.
If you are so sure of your decision you should TELL your wife your are going to do it and not ask her for permission. You do not need her permission but in order for it not to be a breach of trust she must know what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman I have known many years who is a single professional and financially very well off has broached me repeatedly about being a sperm donor so that she can have a child. I would have no financial obligation nor would I be expected to take care of the child. She is not located anywhere near where we live. Quite apart from having a substantial income, she is also the beneficiary of a substantial trust fund so I am confident that there would be no financial obligation.

I am married and my wife would never agree for me to be a sperm donor. She does not know this woman and just to be clear we have never had any sort of romantic or sexual relationship.

If I asked my wife and she refused - as I am sure she would - then I'd be acting contrary to her stated wishes. Would it be a breach of trust if I did so without her knowledge?

It's your life it's your semen do what you want - but realize that you are responsible for your choices.
If the wife finds out and throws a pot at you or wakes up in the middle of the night and does a Lorena Bobbitt on you only have yourself to blame.
If the rich processional lesbian in dire need of sperm pulls the rug out from under you and files for child support despite your confidence she wouldn't you only have yourself to blame.
If you contract an STD or end up falling in love from the one night insemination attempt and ultimately ruining your life or your marriage you only have yourself to blame.
You're free to make your own choices in life but be willing to accept the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Without your wife's knowledge=breach of trust.

However, if my husband had a lesbian friend who wanted him to be a sperm donor, I would be all for it. I would only be concerned with legal issues down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without your wife's knowledge=breach of trust.

However, if my husband had a lesbian friend who wanted him to be a sperm donor, I would be all for it. I would only be concerned with legal issues down the road.

Agree, 100 percent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you contract an STD or end up falling in love from the one night insemination attempt and ultimately ruining your life or your marriage you only have yourself to blame.

Just to reiterate, there would be no sex involved. It would be done through artificial insemination.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you feel pretty strongly about it. I think rather than trying to find a way to do it behind your wife's back I would work on getting your wife on board with the idea. Slowly, letting her ask whatever she needs to ask and then sitting with it, etc. I think that's the only way for this to work.

[Anonymous]

If this were a donation for a relative, where the genetic connection mattered, that would be one thing. But your friend has many choices available to her. There are dozens of sperm banks she could go to. She's choosing you to father a child, which honestly, as your wife, I would not be okay with. At all. And if I found out you did it behind my back, it would irreparably damage our marriage, if not outright end it.

[Anonymous]

Omg. Yes! I would probably need a ton of therapy if my husband went off to be a sperm donor for some woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you feel pretty strongly about it. I think rather than trying to find a way to do it behind your wife's back I would work on getting your wife on board with the idea. Slowly, letting her ask whatever she needs to ask and then sitting with it, etc. I think that's the only way for this to work.

I feel a very strong obligation to help my friend. I also don't want to irretrievably destroy my marriage. I am conflicted.