Would you view this to be a breach of trust?

[Anonymous]

A woman I have known many years who is a single professional and financially very well off has broached me repeatedly about being a sperm donor so that she can have a child. I would have no financial obligation nor would I be expected to take care of the child. She is not located anywhere near where we live. Quite apart from having a substantial income, she is also the beneficiary of a substantial trust fund so I am confident that there would be no financial obligation.

I am married and my wife would never agree for me to be a sperm donor. She does not know this woman and just to be clear we have never had any sort of romantic or sexual relationship.

If I asked my wife and she refused - as I am sure she would - then I'd be acting contrary to her stated wishes. Would it be a breach of trust if I did so without her knowledge?

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. Are you asking if you can say no without asking your wife?

[Anonymous]

Why are you so committed to helping this woman that you would go against what your wife wants?

[Anonymous]

I think you are saying you would like to be a sperm donor without letting your wife know. If that is the case, it is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

[Anonymous]

Of course. Don't be an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is definitely a breach of trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so committed to helping this woman that you would go against what your wife wants?

Agreed. This is fishy.

[Anonymous]

If you went against your wife's wishes in this matter, it could end the marriage. It's that big of a deal. It's a huge breach of trust.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids with your wife or are you planning on having kids? She should have input on whether or not her kids have a sibling running around out there.

[Anonymous]

I would actually be supportive of my husband helping an old friend to conceive a child in this way, provided that the rights and responsibilities were very clearly laid out.

That said, if he did it behind my back (even though I was supportive), I would consider it a huge breach of trust. If I was not supportive and he knew that and did it behind my back, I would actually consider divorce because voluntarily conceiving a child with someone else, against the express wishes of your partner, is on the same emotional level as adultery.

[Anonymous]

Um, yes. You know your wife doesn't want you to do this, which is why you don't ask her.

This isn't The Big Chill, where your wife is offering you up to a friend.

[Anonymous]

DW here. I don't think my DH could father a child and not want to be actively involved in his life. But other than that, I'd have no issues with him being a sperm donor.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely a breach of trust. Also risky legally. There was an article in Slate recently about recent cases with sperm donors being ordered to pay child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so committed to helping this woman that you would go against what your wife wants?

She was there for me during a very difficult phase in my life. I don't know that I would have survived that period without her support. It was obviously before I met my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so committed to helping this woman that you would go against what your wife wants?

She was there for me during a very difficult phase in my life. I don't know that I would have survived that period without her support. It was obviously before I met my wife.

Are you so grateful for her support years ago that you would disrespect your wife so extremely?