Would you view this to be a breach of trust?

[Anonymous]

HUGE breach of trust to you wife! However, "if" you were to do this, do not be fooled by this woman's money, you would be naive to not have an agreement written up for financial obligations and otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It did come up when I told her that I was contemplating marriage; she asked me whether my marriage would affect my ability to be a donor. I said it would not based on what I felt was an understanding I had with my wife at the time. She knew I had made a commitment that I would honor. All she said at that time was that she hoped that my friend would change her mind.

This is an important little morsel. I'm kind of annoyed at the way you keep dropping very key bits of information in dribs and drabs.

From an ethics standpoint, this changes things considerably. No, going behind her back still isn't an answer, but ethically, if you let her know in advance of getting married that you had this commitment and intended to honor it, then you can proceed in good/clear conscience that you are not engaging in a breach of trust. Frankly, your wife's an asshole for arm-twisting you on this.

However your wife's feelings aren't obligated to abide by or respect the court of ethics. She is entitled to 'devolve' on the question of gay people having children, and to decide that no matter what the orientation, she's not comfortable with her husband having children with someone else, and based on those feelings, choose to end the marriage. That's a gamble you took when you decided to marry someone who let you know her values were so different and in conflict with yours, and that she openly hoped your friend would change her mind; your wife did disclose in a way and leaving you over this, would, to a degree, not be a 'breach of trust'.

I really wonder you aren't a troll.

With this kind of difference, she was a fool to marry you and you were a fool to marry her. My values are much more in line with yours, and you have my sympathy to some extent - I have a very close and good friend whose wife has become an increasingly bigoted fundamentalist whack job over the past decade and a half they've been together, so I'm sympathetic. My friend's sister is a married lesbian with an adopted child, and there is no end of constant tension, driven entirely by one person's bigotry. But I often wonder what my friend was thinking when he married her. But they have kids now and it's much harder to walk away.

Honestly, if you and your wife don't have kids, perhaps it's time to see this as irreconcilable differences and get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Bump. What happened?

[Anonymous]

I do not think he is coming back.

Not sure if he was a troll or not.