26 and never had a boyfriend - what the hell is going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get in shape .. Work out.
Have your hair and nails perfectly done
Wear small hoop earrings
Whiten teeth
Get a boob job
Wear yoga pants
Learn to walk gracefully in heels

You can now be choosy!!

Eww do not wear hoops unless you want to look trashy. Studs only.

Do you always clutch your pearls?

Bahaha. "Studs only." I need to start using that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have to agree with these posters and put my spin on it.... Your insides seem as unattractive as your outside. Tone down the inside and tone up the outside.

This person thinks insulting you will make him/herself feel better about their sad life. Please know that they are a pathetic minority amongst us.

OP here. Thanks. I know.

[Anonymous]

Maybe stop thinking of guys as potential boyfriends and just see them as people to get to know, the same as you would with women you meet and female friends.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to see a therapist. You are desperate, sad and angry. That isn't attractive. Until you can get comfortable with the choices you have made, and happy in yourself, you aren't going to be attractive to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to see a therapist. You are desperate, sad and angry. That isn't attractive. Until you can get comfortable with the choices you have made, and happy in yourself, you aren't going to be attractive to anyone.

OP here. Been reflecting on the hurdle of overcoming my anger and sadness/bitterness, and I definitely think that this is something I may need help overcoming.

[Anonymous]

Pp, have you asked any friends for honest feedback in how you come across. I understand your anger and sadness, but you may come off to guys as a "do not fucking talk to me/hit on me" type of girl. Would you want to approach a guy who seemed angry and didn't act a bit flirty towards you?

Sometimes we don't realize how we come across and immediately dismiss what people say by calling them assholes. But I think there is some truth in what some Pps were saying.

[Anonymous]

I understand that you don't want an arranged marriage, but could your parents set you up with some dates with "eligible" people? You might not want to discount this possibility, though the pool here is probably relatively small...

I would not stress about this. Yes, you need to make some changes, but don't throw yourself whole-heartedly into searching for a mate full-time. Concentrate on being happy in yourself, and as an incidental benefit you might come across the right partner more easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your expectations for a mate do not match your level of attractiveness. Period. Seen this many times. Would you date a mildly dorky engineer, like someone who works at NASA or a dense contractor? They are often into strong willed women and are comfortable with many races b/c they work in more diverse workplace (unlike lawyers or finance folk).

But you are not paying attention to the smart cute geeky guys, because there have probably been some noticing you if you are at least passingly attractive, but you have been fixated on the unattainable and wondering why that one won't pursue you. Open your eyes and your mind.

+1 you sound too picky, OP.

+1
If you were attractive you would have gotten a ton of interest online. Also, you just kind of seem like a pain in the ass, trying to prove every point in a kind of tiring, boring, non humorous way. That might be a reason men online lost interest in you after talking to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am so heartened by all the wonderful replies I've gotten in this thread from women who are like me. I'm so happy for all of you and so encouraged that all of you got past it and found wonderful men.

I'm not going to lie, I'm very scared at the prospect of changing. I also have to figure out how to let go of a certain undercurrent of anger and bitterness I feel over all of this. I hope I get there.

Therapy?

[Anonymous]

Why are the suggestions on this thread for the OP to work out, get her nails done, etc. but on the thread of the woman in her 40s people are telling her to give up hope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your expectations for a mate do not match your level of attractiveness. Period. Seen this many times. Would you date a mildly dorky engineer, like someone who works at NASA or a dense contractor? They are often into strong willed women and are comfortable with many races b/c they work in more diverse workplace (unlike lawyers or finance folk).

But you are not paying attention to the smart cute geeky guys, because there have probably been some noticing you if you are at least passingly attractive, but you have been fixated on the unattainable and wondering why that one won't pursue you. Open your eyes and your mind.

+1 you sound too picky, OP.

+1
If you were attractive you would have gotten a ton of interest online. Also, you just kind of seem like a pain in the ass, trying to prove every point in a kind of tiring, boring, non humorous way. That might be a reason men online lost interest in you after talking to you.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am so heartened by all the wonderful replies I've gotten in this thread from women who are like me. I'm so happy for all of you and so encouraged that all of you got past it and found wonderful men.

I'm not going to lie, I'm very scared at the prospect of changing. I also have to figure out how to let go of a certain undercurrent of anger and bitterness I feel over all of this. I hope I get there.

Who exactly are you angry at? you think the world somehow owes you a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Smh, there are some overreacting posters on here. I absolutely don't think op comes off as picky, ugly on the inside (really?), etc. I mean bitter much??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not even the stereotypical reclusive, frumpy, Ben & Jerrys eating person. I don't really think I'm socially anxious. On the one hand, I know why I have been single up till the age of 24 - I wanted an arranged marriage and didn't want to date. (I'm Sri Lankan American - not religious or anything, just was brought up thinking arranged marriages were the most successful ones). But from the age of 24 to now, I haven't wanted an arranged marriage and I'm not sure why it has been so difficult to get a boyfriend.

I can count the number of times I've been asked out, that's how pathetic it is. I only got asked out three times in high school, twice in college, and once during my Masters. Yup. Pathetic.

And I was always sociable and popular, and though I'm conservative, I'm not a prude. I'm pretty in a bookish-librarian way and plenty of people say it. I have lots of friends and I find it easy to make friends. I see guys stare at me, but they don't approach me. Why are men such pussies? I'm a nice, sweet, non-threatening, traditionally feminine woman. I don't think I look like a ball-buster. I'm not flirtatious, but that's because of how I was raised. I have often wondered why I make friends so quickly and easily (I make male friends easily too, I might add), and yet it is hard for me to get a guy to ask me out.

It's gotten to the point where I'm really wrapped up in negative thinking. I'm angry that I haven't had the fun romances that tons of girls my age have had. For some of them, getting a boyfriend is as easy as breathing. My little sister is 20 years old and has already been through like 9 boyfriends. I feel undesirable, like I'm not a real woman, or that I'm unfuckable or undateable. I see fat girls and dumb girls and socially awkward girls get boyfriends and husbands, so why not me? Is it really just because I have no clue about flirting?

I am sad and angry and don't know what to do. And I'm embarrassed - acutely embarrassed.

Not that you're asking for my opinion on the matter but I'll offer my 2 cents just for the hell of it...
I'm gonna take a wild guess and assume that the primary root of the problem here may be cultural. Granted the OP says she's not reclusive or frumpy nor is she "hyper-religious" (Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim) but the fact of the matter is that from a cultural perspective Sri Lanka is not exactly the most renowned place in the world when it comes to gender equality. Women are responsible for cooking, raising children, and taking care of housework - period. Women aren't encouraged to be outgoing and expressive and women aren't supposed to approach men out or to even have male friends. People often forget that the US is an anomaly of sorts when it comes to how women are perceived and what where women's respective roles are. For the OP overcoming the familiarity of patriarchy and asserting her autonomy may indeed be a very daunting challenge and truth be told I think she needs to deal with the responsibility of helping herself first and foremost (confidence, self-esteem, etc.) before looking to take on the responsibility of being in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are the suggestions on this thread for the OP to work out, get her nails done, etc. but on the thread of the woman in her 40s people are telling her to give up hope?

1) OP on this thread is open to change and just doesn't know what to do. 2) She's also pretty young and there are many, many guys in her age group who are still thinking about settling down eventually.

1) OP on the other thread isn't open to change. She just wants to continue doing what she is going and hope something pops up. 2)If you are 48 and something has popped up by now, you either need to let it go or make a change.