26 and never had a boyfriend - what the hell is going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I did get a laugh out of the trolls' responses here, so thanks

You're welcome. I'll be with DH and the kids tonight. What will you be doing? Impressing yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I did get a laugh out of the trolls' responses here, so thanks

Just because someone offered you advice and opinions you don't like doesn't make them a troll.

FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not even the stereotypical reclusive, frumpy, Ben & Jerrys eating person. I don't really think I'm socially anxious. On the one hand, I know why I have been single up till the age of 24 - I wanted an arranged marriage and didn't want to date. (I'm Sri Lankan American - not religious or anything, just was brought up thinking arranged marriages were the most successful ones). But from the age of 24 to now, I haven't wanted an arranged marriage and I'm not sure why it has been so difficult to get a boyfriend.

I can count the number of times I've been asked out, that's how pathetic it is. I only got asked out three times in high school, twice in college, and once during my Masters. Yup. Pathetic.

And I was always sociable and popular, and though I'm conservative, I'm not a prude. I'm pretty in a bookish-librarian way and plenty of people say it. I have lots of friends and I find it easy to make friends. I see guys stare at me, but they don't approach me. Why are men such pussies? I'm a nice, sweet, non-threatening, traditionally feminine woman. I don't think I look like a ball-buster. I'm not flirtatious, but that's because of how I was raised. I have often wondered why I make friends so quickly and easily (I make male friends easily too, I might add), and yet it is hard for me to get a guy to ask me out.

It's gotten to the point where I'm really wrapped up in negative thinking. I'm angry that I haven't had the fun romances that tons of girls my age have had. For some of them, getting a boyfriend is as easy as breathing. My little sister is 20 years old and has already been through like 9 boyfriends. I feel undesirable, like I'm not a real woman, or that I'm unfuckable or undateable. I see fat girls and dumb girls and socially awkward girls get boyfriends and husbands, so why not me? Is it really just because I have no clue about flirting?

I am sad and angry and don't know what to do. And I'm embarrassed - acutely embarrassed.

Are you really that sweet? For such a nice person you claim to be you pretty readily dissed the "fat girls," and "dumb girls." Maybe you just aren't that nice and guys pick up on that.

Agreed. The real problem is no one has told her to her face that she's actually a judgmental snob. She needs someone to knock some sense into her that way she can realize that her attitude is her problem. Maybe ask your sister point blank how she gets boyfriends and have her tell you what you're doing wrong. Because you are doing something wrong if you can't even get a date.

Men who approached her online lost interest after taking to her on the phone. That pretty much sums it all up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I did get a laugh out of the trolls' responses here, so thanks

You're welcome. I'll be with DH and the kids tonight. What will you be doing? Impressing yourself?

[Anonymous]

Oh I got plenty of great advice from well meaning people in this thread. But I can also distinguish between the butt hurt and the confident/ normal people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh I got plenty of great advice from well meaning people in this thread. But I can also distinguish between the butt hurt and the confident/ normal people.

And here are you again, making sure yours is the last one. Good job!

[Anonymous]

OP, I had one relationship when I was 20 (that was not very great). The rest of the time, I made good friends and studied like mad to do well in my undergraduate years, then on the first years of my Ph.D. Like you, I am friendly but bookish. Not too comfortable with flirting, and probably I spent too much time working.

I tried a dating site on a lark. It turned out to be a great decision, because it helped me connect with someone who shared similar traits and interests. I simply didnt know that many people in real life with whom I shared those things. But the site allowed me to meet someone in a different area ... and despite how crazy it sounds to jump on the phone with someone a few hundred miles away, we hit it off.

Got married at 25, been married 10 years, and never looked back.

Lesson? You are not that old! There is lots of time to meet someone. And if you have passions and interests and work, there is a lot to do. You just need more ways to meet people who share a lot in common with you. Feel optimistic and go hunting.

[Anonymous]

I should add that in the DC area, and the professional world at large, 25/26/27 is not old at all. Enjoy yourself and meet people. If it takes a few more years, you'll be very normal statistically!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had one relationship when I was 20 (that was not very great). The rest of the time, I made good friends and studied like mad to do well in my undergraduate years, then on the first years of my Ph.D. Like you, I am friendly but bookish. Not too comfortable with flirting, and probably I spent too much time working.

I tried a dating site on a lark. It turned out to be a great decision, because it helped me connect with someone who shared similar traits and interests. I simply didnt know that many people in real life with whom I shared those things. But the site allowed me to meet someone in a different area ... and despite how crazy it sounds to jump on the phone with someone a few hundred miles away, we hit it off.

Got married at 25, been married 10 years, and never looked back.

Lesson? You are not that old! There is lots of time to meet someone. And if you have passions and interests and work, there is a lot to do. You just need more ways to meet people who share a lot in common with you. Feel optimistic and go hunting.

OP tried to date online but nobody cared to meet her after talking to her on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Don't be embarrassed but go doing something about it. You live in America... Men (normally, this day and age) aren't awesome about 'asking you out'. You gotta make that happen. If your not willing to go do something about it, don't bitch...

But for what it's worth, you sound Kind of rude 'dumb girls and fat girls'??

[Anonymous]

Wow, lots of insecure haters in this thread. Sorry to see the venom here. OP, I had the same experience with online dating - it's all about writing your profile well, taking GOOD photographs, and choosing a good dating site! After I changed all that, I got tons of responses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had one relationship when I was 20 (that was not very great). The rest of the time, I made good friends and studied like mad to do well in my undergraduate years, then on the first years of my Ph.D. Like you, I am friendly but bookish. Not too comfortable with flirting, and probably I spent too much time working.

I tried a dating site on a lark. It turned out to be a great decision, because it helped me connect with someone who shared similar traits and interests. I simply didnt know that many people in real life with whom I shared those things. But the site allowed me to meet someone in a different area ... and despite how crazy it sounds to jump on the phone with someone a few hundred miles away, we hit it off.

Got married at 25, been married 10 years, and never looked back.

Lesson? You are not that old! There is lots of time to meet someone. And if you have passions and interests and work, there is a lot to do. You just need more ways to meet people who share a lot in common with you. Feel optimistic and go hunting.

OP tried to date online but nobody cared to meet her after talking to her on the phone.

That's a bit like saying "I went to a club three times but nothing really happened."

Unless on review one finds one is doing some definite thing that is off-putting, one tries again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had one relationship when I was 20 (that was not very great). The rest of the time, I made good friends and studied like mad to do well in my undergraduate years, then on the first years of my Ph.D. Like you, I am friendly but bookish. Not too comfortable with flirting, and probably I spent too much time working.

I tried a dating site on a lark. It turned out to be a great decision, because it helped me connect with someone who shared similar traits and interests. I simply didnt know that many people in real life with whom I shared those things. But the site allowed me to meet someone in a different area ... and despite how crazy it sounds to jump on the phone with someone a few hundred miles away, we hit it off.

Got married at 25, been married 10 years, and never looked back.

Lesson? You are not that old! There is lots of time to meet someone. And if you have passions and interests and work, there is a lot to do. You just need more ways to meet people who share a lot in common with you. Feel optimistic and go hunting.

OP tried to date online but nobody cared to meet her after talking to her on the phone.

That's a bit like saying "I went to a club three times but nothing really happened."

Unless on review one finds one is doing some definite thing that is off-putting, one tries again.

That's right. Except that she is clearly doing things that are off putting. But yes, she should try again.

[Anonymous]

This post came up in a google search I did because I'm also 26 years old, have never had a boyfriend, and felt sad.

Then I went through 8 pages of Internet trolling, racism, and bitchiness towards the OP.

Now I feel like I never want to post my problems on the Internet, ever. I don't know how some of you bare your hearts to the trolls of DCUM. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post came up in a google search I did because I'm also 26 years old, have never had a boyfriend, and felt sad.

Then I went through 8 pages of Internet trolling, racism, and bitchiness towards the OP.

Now I feel like I never want to post my problems on the Internet, ever. I don't know how some of you bare your hearts to the trolls of DCUM. Yikes.

As bad as the trolls are, there is a lot of solid advice and support on here. I don't know about this particular thread but in general.