26 and never had a boyfriend - what the hell is going on?

[Anonymous]

If you put out, they will come

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of Indian American friends whose parents didn't let them date till their early twenties or later and then all of a sudden expected them to be great at finding a boyfriend/husband. And then found themselves without dating skills. As one put it, "all my life it has been, don't talk to boys don't talk to boys, and then a flip switches, and they're like, talk to boys talk talk why haven't you found a husband??"
No solid advice, but I do think for years you probably were shut off and sending out the wrong signals and you may still be doing that.
I think you should go on online dating sites just to get some practice.

DUDE SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY. This is EXACTLY my life right now.

Haha and that PP depressed me because the idea of waiting till my thirties, when my boobs are at knee-level, is depressing as hell.

I'm 41 and my boobs are still high and perky. WTF are you talking about?!

(and I boob-fed two kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of Indian American friends whose parents didn't let them date till their early twenties or later and then all of a sudden expected them to be great at finding a boyfriend/husband. And then found themselves without dating skills. As one put it, "all my life it has been, don't talk to boys don't talk to boys, and then a flip switches, and they're like, talk to boys talk talk why haven't you found a husband??"
No solid advice, but I do think for years you probably were shut off and sending out the wrong signals and you may still be doing that.
I think you should go on online dating sites just to get some practice.

DUDE SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY. This is EXACTLY my life right now.

Haha and that PP depressed me because the idea of waiting till my thirties, when my boobs are at knee-level, is depressing as hell.

You have a very immature, flip attitude. Maybe that's why you haven't had a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I will be reading this whole thread for the night...but just based on OP's post, I've been where you are. I think flirting is key. You either are a flirter or you aren't. If you aren't, you are severely handicapped in the dating department. I didn't get a boyfriend til like late 20's. I seriously never even really touched a guy til then. All the wrong guys asked me out and I usually turned them down. At 25 I went on a few dates but I wasn't interested. I think I just wasn't comfortable flirting, didn't have the confidence, felt like a freak for being different, and just wasn't ready. It drove me crazy uglier girls than me, or ones who were horrible people, got boyfriend after boyfriend. Totally not fair. By like 30 most of the good guys are taken and you're left at a disadvantage again. Is it too late for an arranged marriage? I wound up sort of arranging my own marriage (although I'm not of a race where marriages are arranged). I got married in my mid 30's. It's not too late for you, but there are so many more competitive and dare I say slutty women out there that it's really hard to compete. Men will take who puts themselves out there and don't want to be rejected. If you're not giving out the signals, I'm afraid you will be passed by for someone easier. Try online dating or get an arranged marriage, but choose carefully because your decision can affect the rest of your life. At some point I just thought getting into any relationship is better than none at all. I have kids now and my first grader already has had multiple girlfriends. I think it's true that everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten. I think socialization with the opposite sex starts alot younger than people think and if you miss out on those formative years it's not a level playing field. Still, I think you have time.

[Anonymous]

Are you one of the Twinnies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haha sorry I didn't mean to insult the 30-somethings here. I am sure all of you are hotties. I just think I'm behind the clock a little.

I was just going to post my measurements, but this nice retraction will do
37 but don't break the news to me that I'm not hot anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you put out, they will come

Yes they will !!

[Anonymous]

OP I think you sound sweet and I have a great friend you may get along with. He is similarly inexperienced, but a great guy. Give me some way to contact you and I'll try to set it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not even the stereotypical reclusive, frumpy, Ben & Jerrys eating person. I don't really think I'm socially anxious. On the one hand, I know why I have been single up till the age of 24 - I wanted an arranged marriage and didn't want to date. (I'm Sri Lankan American - not religious or anything, just was brought up thinking arranged marriages were the most successful ones). But from the age of 24 to now, I haven't wanted an arranged marriage and I'm not sure why it has been so difficult to get a boyfriend.

I can count the number of times I've been asked out, that's how pathetic it is. I only got asked out three times in high school, twice in college, and once during my Masters. Yup. Pathetic.

And I was always sociable and popular, and though I'm conservative, I'm not a prude. I'm pretty in a bookish-librarian way and plenty of people say it. I have lots of friends and I find it easy to make friends. I see guys stare at me, but they don't approach me. Why are men such pussies? I'm a nice, sweet, non-threatening, traditionally feminine woman. I don't think I look like a ball-buster. I'm not flirtatious, but that's because of how I was raised. I have often wondered why I make friends so quickly and easily (I make male friends easily too, I might add), and yet it is hard for me to get a guy to ask me out.

It's gotten to the point where I'm really wrapped up in negative thinking. I'm angry that I haven't had the fun romances that tons of girls my age have had. For some of them, getting a boyfriend is as easy as breathing. My little sister is 20 years old and has already been through like 9 boyfriends. I feel undesirable, like I'm not a real woman, or that I'm unfuckable or undateable. I see fat girls and dumb girls and socially awkward girls get boyfriends and husbands, so why not me? Is it really just because I have no clue about flirting?

I am sad and angry and don't know what to do. And I'm embarrassed - acutely embarrassed.

It's 2014, feminism has fought to grant you the power to ask a man out yourself. Even without being flirty, I bet if you go up to the shy guy and say "hi i'm "larla, let's get coffee sometime" - you will be getting dates for every night of the week.

[Anonymous]

Here's a pattern I noticed when I was single: The less physically appealing guys were the most flirtatious. The better looking guys were less. They didn't need to try as hard. I also will say that the better looking guys tended to be more boring because they didn't have to work so hard on having a personality and a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are men such pussies?

OP I skimmed this thread. This sentence from your first post stood out for me. It's a little harsh. Does it reflect an attitude that you project?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I tried OK Cupid. Nobody seemed to really like my profile and I got a lot of messages from guys seeking hook-ups, or guys who can't spell/punctuate, or blue-collar guys (not that I'm a snob, I just know we wouldn't be compatible), or older men. I dunno. Maybe I should try a different online dating site.

I cannot believe this is true. There has to be more to this. ANY woman who is not fat or smells like an outhouse can find a man basically anytime she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I tried OK Cupid. Nobody seemed to really like my profile and I got a lot of messages from guys seeking hook-ups, or guys who can't spell/punctuate, or blue-collar guys (not that I'm a snob, I just know we wouldn't be compatible), or older men. I dunno. Maybe I should try a different online dating site.

I cannot believe this is true. There has to be more to this. ANY woman who is not fat or smells like an outhouse can find a man basically anytime she wants.

True. Did you see 20/20 last night about the pot-smoking couple? What a pairing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be reading this whole thread for the night...but just based on OP's post, I've been where you are. I think flirting is key. You either are a flirter or you aren't. If you aren't, you are severely handicapped in the dating department. I didn't get a boyfriend til like late 20's. I seriously never even really touched a guy til then. All the wrong guys asked me out and I usually turned them down. At 25 I went on a few dates but I wasn't interested. I think I just wasn't comfortable flirting, didn't have the confidence, felt like a freak for being different, and just wasn't ready. It drove me crazy uglier girls than me, or ones who were horrible people, got boyfriend after boyfriend. Totally not fair. By like 30 most of the good guys are taken and you're left at a disadvantage again. Is it too late for an arranged marriage? I wound up sort of arranging my own marriage (although I'm not of a race where marriages are arranged). I got married in my mid 30's. It's not too late for you, but there are so many more competitive and dare I say slutty women out there that it's really hard to compete. Men will take who puts themselves out there and don't want to be rejected. If you're not giving out the signals, I'm afraid you will be passed by for someone easier. Try online dating or get an arranged marriage, but choose carefully because your decision can affect the rest of your life. At some point I just thought getting into any relationship is better than none at all. I have kids now and my first grader already has had multiple girlfriends. I think it's true that everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten. I think socialization with the opposite sex starts alot younger than people think and if you miss out on those formative years it's not a level playing field. Still, I think you have time.

this is me, me, me... first real bf at 30, married him at 33. Don't get me wrong. I love him, and we have a great life together. I've had lots of guy friends, so I really don't think there's anyone out there better than DH. But, I didn't, and still don't know how to flirt. I was always the "pal" rather than the potential gf because I just didn't give off that vibe. I would always find out later that some guy was interested in me a while ago. I've been told I seem unapproachable. I think it's true that Asians tend to focus less on developing their social skills. Part of it is that most of the Asian cultures are quite conservative.

How did I end up with DH, then? It just clicked. It was easy, and we were friends beforehand. Also, I think I was just much easier going and confident as I got older. I asked my DH a while ago if I ever really flirted with him, and he said no. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are men such pussies?

OP I skimmed this thread. This sentence from your first post stood out for me. It's a little harsh. Does it reflect an attitude that you project?

I had a similar reaction (I am male).

OP, your posts come off as a bit "judgy" and you give off a vibe of being a demanding and insecure. Unless you are smoking hot, this is going to deter men.

Have you considered any kind of counseling or therapy? You might not think you need it, but the fact that you a decent looking 26 year old that gets zero attention from men suggests that you could benefit from some insight into how you come across to others.