26 and never had a boyfriend - what the hell is going on?

[Anonymous]

OP I posted saying you're making yourself sound more and more insufferable...which I stand by but realize may not actually be helpful.

So let me give you some tangible advice: most people, including most men, are more attracted to someone relaxed, someone willing to admit when they're wrong, and someone who doesn't belabor a point.

Let me give you an example. You're at a party talking in a small group of 4-6 people. One person is making an argument and states a "fact" you know to be wrong. What should you do? KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Don't prove someone wrong in front of their friends or colleagues, don't get sucked in by a need to prove yourself or how much you know, just be kind and gracious. THAT is the kind of personality that lands you a great partner.

[Anonymous]

Those "fat" and "dumb" girls have great personalities, unlike you. You think you're too good for everyone, that's you're problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here Thanks soooo much for the people who also offered their own experiences with this - immensely helpful and appreciated. Unfortunately some ignorant people also responded, so let's set them straight.

Anonymous wrote:
Not that you're asking for my opinion on the matter but I'll offer my 2 cents just for the hell of it...
I'm gonna take a wild guess and assume that the primary root of the problem here may be cultural. Granted the OP says she's not reclusive or frumpy nor is she "hyper-religious" (Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim) but the fact of the matter is that from a cultural perspective Sri Lanka is not exactly the most renowned place in the world when it comes to gender equality. Women are responsible for cooking, raising children, and taking care of housework - period. Women aren't encouraged to be outgoing and expressive and women aren't supposed to approach men out or to even have male friends. People often forget that the US is an anomaly of sorts when it comes to how women are perceived and what where women's respective roles are. For the OP overcoming the familiarity of patriarchy and asserting her autonomy may indeed be a very daunting challenge and truth be told I think she needs to deal with the responsibility of helping herself first and foremost (confidence, self-esteem, etc.) before looking to take on the responsibility of being in a relationship.

Hi. Accept that you're COMPLETELY clueless about South Asian culture and move on with your blinkered life. Every single line in this post is total bullshit and would be refuted by any South Asian American woman, considering that we are raised in pretty damn empowered environments and are encouraged to be as outgoing and expressive as we please. Are you saying that we're apparently chattel because dating is discouraged in our communities? It's discouraged for the boys too, FYI. And it's hard to argue that we're poor, oppressed females when every single female in my family - and in the wider Sri Lankan/Indian network I know - is either gainfully employed or else a SAHM who rules the roost at home. I am sure it makes you feel better to believe that non-Anglo Saxon cultures are drowning in oppressive patriarchy, but I think you need a reality check.

OP, do you have a naturally high, medium or low libido? Mine is high, and because of that, learning to flirt with guys just came naturally. I can't imagine being a virgin at 26. No wonder you're angry.

This is hilarious. 1) Don't assume that I'm a virgin because I haven't had any opportunities, or because it has anything to do with my libido, 2) It may have escaped your attention, but there are toys that deliver the same result, and virgins not only have the ability to buy these, but we also enjoy them, 3) It's irresponsible, idiotic, and shows a painful lack of understanding to assume that any of my anger has to do with sex. Some people place value on, and crave, companionship, which is not the same thing as sex.

I was exhausted just reading this and I have a PhD. Nobody wants to date a pompous a@@.

[Anonymous]

Op, I can't help but laugh as I read through all your responses. If these post represent your true self than I understand exactly why you're single. It doesn't matter how pretty, smart, and wealthy you are if you're a bitch. Sure, it's easy making guy friends, they can deal with your personality in social settings but realize you're too high maintenance and rude to actually date. You want want want but you're clueless as to what you need to give in order to receive.

Here's some solid advice, learn to be humble and drop the expectations. Focus on a person's personality rather than their degree and maybe some nice guy will accept you.


P.s. You definitely seem sexually frustrated. Sex toys can't compare to actually getting laid.

[Anonymous]

I'm 39, and you've been asked out five times more often than I ever have been.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is not rude per se, but lacks empathy, tact, and social skills. Its amazing how in a few short responses she managed to offend different types of people and annoyed the majority of PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is not rude per se, but lacks empathy, tact, and social skills. Its amazing how in a few short responses she managed to offend different types of people and annoyed the majority of PPs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, every response you post makes you sound more insufferable.

+1
She needs to prove that she is right all the time and it's so boring and tiring.

Ditto. OP is a complete PIA.

[Anonymous]

"OP here Thanks soooo much for the people who also offered their own experiences with this - immensely helpful and appreciated. Unfortunately some ignorant people also responded, so let's set them straight."

THIS is your problem, OP. You are an asshole and don't know when to shut up and listen. Hopefully you won't breed and produce more self righteous assholes. The world doesn't need them, or you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is not rude per se, but lacks empathy, tact, and social skills. Its amazing how in a few short responses she managed to offend different types of people and annoyed the majority of PPs.

+1

+1 - she called me an ass hole and i gave her very good advice. i can see why she has issues. keep shuttin em down op with your tude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not even the stereotypical reclusive, frumpy, Ben & Jerrys eating person. I don't really think I'm socially anxious. On the one hand, I know why I have been single up till the age of 24 - I wanted an arranged marriage and didn't want to date. (I'm Sri Lankan American - not religious or anything, just was brought up thinking arranged marriages were the most successful ones). But from the age of 24 to now, I haven't wanted an arranged marriage and I'm not sure why it has been so difficult to get a boyfriend.

I can count the number of times I've been asked out, that's how pathetic it is. I only got asked out three times in high school, twice in college, and once during my Masters. Yup. Pathetic.

And I was always sociable and popular, and though I'm conservative, I'm not a prude. I'm pretty in a bookish-librarian way and plenty of people say it. I have lots of friends and I find it easy to make friends. I see guys stare at me, but they don't approach me. Why are men such pussies? I'm a nice, sweet, non-threatening, traditionally feminine woman. I don't think I look like a ball-buster. I'm not flirtatious, but that's because of how I was raised. I have often wondered why I make friends so quickly and easily (I make male friends easily too, I might add), and yet it is hard for me to get a guy to ask me out.

It's gotten to the point where I'm really wrapped up in negative thinking. I'm angry that I haven't had the fun romances that tons of girls my age have had. For some of them, getting a boyfriend is as easy as breathing. My little sister is 20 years old and has already been through like 9 boyfriends. I feel undesirable, like I'm not a real woman, or that I'm unfuckable or undateable. I see fat girls and dumb girls and socially awkward girls get boyfriends and husbands, so why not me? Is it really just because I have no clue about flirting?

I am sad and angry and don't know what to do. And I'm embarrassed - acutely embarrassed.

Are you really that sweet? For such a nice person you claim to be you pretty readily dissed the "fat girls," and "dumb girls." Maybe you just aren't that nice and guys pick up on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I posted saying you're making yourself sound more and more insufferable...which I stand by but realize may not actually be helpful.

So let me give you some tangible advice: most people, including most men, are more attracted to someone relaxed, someone willing to admit when they're wrong, and someone who doesn't belabor a point.

Let me give you an example. You're at a party talking in a small group of 4-6 people. One person is making an argument and states a "fact" you know to be wrong. What should you do? KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Don't prove someone wrong in front of their friends or colleagues, don't get sucked in by a need to prove yourself or how much you know, just be kind and gracious. THAT is the kind of personality that lands you a great partner.

best advice, but OP is clearly too annoying to take it. She would rather respond with a know it all answer. And therein lies the problem.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and I did get a laugh out of the trolls' responses here, so thanks

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I see the OP is a "last word" freak too - that's sure to go over well with potential partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not even the stereotypical reclusive, frumpy, Ben & Jerrys eating person. I don't really think I'm socially anxious. On the one hand, I know why I have been single up till the age of 24 - I wanted an arranged marriage and didn't want to date. (I'm Sri Lankan American - not religious or anything, just was brought up thinking arranged marriages were the most successful ones). But from the age of 24 to now, I haven't wanted an arranged marriage and I'm not sure why it has been so difficult to get a boyfriend.

I can count the number of times I've been asked out, that's how pathetic it is. I only got asked out three times in high school, twice in college, and once during my Masters. Yup. Pathetic.

And I was always sociable and popular, and though I'm conservative, I'm not a prude. I'm pretty in a bookish-librarian way and plenty of people say it. I have lots of friends and I find it easy to make friends. I see guys stare at me, but they don't approach me. Why are men such pussies? I'm a nice, sweet, non-threatening, traditionally feminine woman. I don't think I look like a ball-buster. I'm not flirtatious, but that's because of how I was raised. I have often wondered why I make friends so quickly and easily (I make male friends easily too, I might add), and yet it is hard for me to get a guy to ask me out.

It's gotten to the point where I'm really wrapped up in negative thinking. I'm angry that I haven't had the fun romances that tons of girls my age have had. For some of them, getting a boyfriend is as easy as breathing. My little sister is 20 years old and has already been through like 9 boyfriends. I feel undesirable, like I'm not a real woman, or that I'm unfuckable or undateable. I see fat girls and dumb girls and socially awkward girls get boyfriends and husbands, so why not me? Is it really just because I have no clue about flirting?

I am sad and angry and don't know what to do. And I'm embarrassed - acutely embarrassed.

Are you really that sweet? For such a nice person you claim to be you pretty readily dissed the "fat girls," and "dumb girls." Maybe you just aren't that nice and guys pick up on that.

Agreed. The real problem is no one has told her to her face that she's actually a judgmental snob. She needs someone to knock some sense into her that way she can realize that her attitude is her problem. Maybe ask your sister point blank how she gets boyfriends and have her tell you what you're doing wrong. Because you are doing something wrong if you can't even get a date.