Reply to 26 and never had a boyfriend - what the hell is going on?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not even the stereotypical reclusive, frumpy, Ben & Jerrys eating person. I don't really think I'm socially anxious. On the one hand, I know why I have been single up till the age of 24 - I wanted an arranged marriage and didn't want to date. (I'm Sri Lankan American - not religious or anything, just was brought up thinking arranged marriages were the most successful ones). But from the age of 24 to now, I haven't wanted an arranged marriage and I'm not sure why it has been so difficult to get a boyfriend.

I can count the number of times I've been asked out, that's how pathetic it is. I only got asked out three times in high school, twice in college, and once during my Masters.  Yup. Pathetic.

And I was always sociable and popular, and though I'm conservative, I'm not a prude. I'm pretty in a bookish-librarian way and plenty of people say it. I have lots of friends and I find it easy to make friends. I see guys stare at me, but they don't approach me. Why are men such pussies? I'm a nice, sweet, non-threatening, traditionally feminine woman. I don't think I look like a ball-buster. I'm not flirtatious, but that's because of how I was raised. I have often wondered why I make friends so quickly and easily (I make male friends easily too, I might add), and yet it is hard for me to get a guy to ask me out.

It's gotten to the point where I'm really wrapped up in negative thinking. I'm angry that I haven't had the fun romances that tons of girls my age have had. For some of them, getting a boyfriend is as easy as breathing. My little sister is 20 years old and has already been through like 9 boyfriends. I feel undesirable, like I'm not a real woman, or that I'm unfuckable or undateable. I see fat girls and dumb girls and socially awkward girls get boyfriends and husbands, so why not me? Is it really just because I have no clue about flirting?

I am sad and angry and don't know what to do. And I'm embarrassed - acutely embarrassed. [/quote]

Not that you're asking for my opinion on the matter but I'll offer my 2 cents just for the hell of it... 
I'm gonna take a wild guess and assume that the primary root of the problem here may be cultural.  Granted the OP says she's not reclusive or frumpy nor is she "hyper-religious" (Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim) but the fact of the matter is that from a cultural perspective Sri Lanka is not exactly the most renowned place in the world when it comes to gender equality.  Women are responsible for cooking, raising children, and taking care of housework - period.  Women aren't encouraged to be outgoing and expressive and women aren't supposed to approach men out or to even have male friends.  People often forget that the US is an anomaly of sorts when it comes to how women are perceived and what where women's respective roles are.  For the OP overcoming the familiarity of patriarchy and asserting her autonomy may indeed be a very daunting challenge and truth be told I think she needs to deal with the responsibility of helping herself first and foremost (confidence, self-esteem, etc.) before looking to take on the responsibility of being in a relationship.[/quote]

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