Question for SAHMS..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I really enjoy having the money. So I'm glad I'm working. but not for anything would I have missed those early years being home with the kids, not if I could have helped it. I cherish those years and memories. "

And DH?

DH quite honestly wasn't much of a baby/toddler person. Of course he loved the kids incredibly from day one, but it hasn't been until they reached preschool age that he was really able to connect with them and feel comfortable doing activities with them as much as I did when they were babies and toddlers. He certainly had no interest in staying at home with them full time, although I'm sure if that had been what he had to do, he would have figured out a way to make the best of it. As it was, he was very happy that I was willing to stay home with them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These SAHMs lives so incredibly dull. Everyone reading this is thinking the same thing but is afraid to say it. Sorry to be so blunt.

Deadly dull.

There's not a lot of glamour in doing the day to day work of raising a child and keeping a home. This is very true.

Of course, my day job now that I'm back in the workforce isn't all that glamorous or exciting, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I really enjoy having the money. So I'm glad I'm working. but not for anything would I have missed those early years being home with the kids, not if I could have helped it. I cherish those years and memories. "

And DH?

DH quite honestly wasn't much of a baby/toddler person. Of course he loved the kids incredibly from day one, but it hasn't been until they reached preschool age that he was really able to connect with them and feel comfortable doing activities with them as much as I did when they were babies and toddlers. He certainly had no interest in staying at home with them full time, although I'm sure if that had been what he had to do, he would have figured out a way to make the best of it. As it was, he was very happy that I was willing to stay home with them!

I'm a mom who's not much of a baby/toddler person and so was happy to work full time. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You are probably gone 40 to 50 hours a week, and alot of growth and development goes on in that time in those early years and you are simply not there for it. Does that worry you a great deal? "

Does that worry DH?

Yes, but that's dad not mom. Sorry men and women are not the same - there's a reason why throughout the animal kingdom the female of the species is the primary caregiver.
There, I said it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You are probably gone 40 to 50 hours a week, and alot of growth and development goes on in that time in those early years and you are simply not there for it. Does that worry you a great deal? "

Does that worry DH?

Yes, but that's dad not mom. Sorry men and women are not the same - there's a reason why throughout the animal kingdom the female of the species is the primary caregiver.
There, I said it.

This sounds like a HUGE justification. The fact is there are plenty of women who weren't crazy about their job or career and are happy to quit. Others feel they need to support a husband who works with long hours/travels and can't provide much day-to-day household/childcare support. Others feel overwhelmed. All good reasons to quit but saying it is biology is just wrong. Plenty of women out there being a mom and working, doing a great job at both, for many years, all over the world.

Total cop out to say "biology." And a huge insult to SAHDs, as if they are wrong or going against nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These SAHMs lives so incredibly dull. Everyone reading this is thinking the same thing but is afraid to say it. Sorry to be so blunt.

Yes, and being an accountant or computer programmer is a life of glamour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, but that's dad not mom. Sorry men and women are not the same - there's a reason why throughout the animal kingdom the female of the species is the primary caregiver.
There, I said it.

ya, men are just amazingly self centered. I love my DH, but he really does not know how self-centered he is. He just figures everybody should take care of themselves (except the ones that take care of him). It makes me so depressed. We women are stuck being the world's maids (maid defined as somebody who takes care of other people's personal needs without expecting anything in return except permission to live and maybe a very small salary. so sad)

[Anonymous]

OP here again... I just want to thank everyone in the first two or three pages of this thread for answering my questinos.. but I have completely checked out of the conversation at this point as it has turned into another SAHM/WOTH mom fight, and I truly didn't want that.. I'm sorry that it has turned out this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You are probably gone 40 to 50 hours a week, and alot of growth and development goes on in that time in those early years and you are simply not there for it. Does that worry you a great deal? "

Does that worry DH?

Yes, but that's dad not mom. Sorry men and women are not the same - there's a reason why throughout the animal kingdom the female of the species is the primary caregiver.
There, I said it.

This sounds like a HUGE justification. The fact is there are plenty of women who weren't crazy about their job or career and are happy to quit. Others feel they need to support a husband who works with long hours/travels and can't provide much day-to-day household/childcare support. Others feel overwhelmed. All good reasons to quit but saying it is biology is just wrong. Plenty of women out there being a mom and working, doing a great job at both, for many years, all over the world.

Total cop out to say "biology." And a huge insult to SAHDs, as if they are wrong or going against nature.

To put it bluntly, most dads don't MIND missing out on parts of their kids childhood the same way women do. That's not to say that the majority of dads wouldn't like to be able to spend more time with their families, but they just don't seem to have the same kind of interest and concern that women do. And please, no comments about how I must have a crappy husband. My dh is a very loving and attentive father, most of the men I know are. But out of pretty much every couple I know, regardless of whether the wife works or stays at home, the women are the ones who worry most about their kids schooling, friends, nutrition, etc. In fact, I've even seen this with a friend of mine who works and has a sah husband. Must be something to it. Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again... I just want to thank everyone in the first two or three pages of this thread for answering my questinos.. but I have completely checked out of the conversation at this point as it has turned into another SAHM/WOTH mom fight, and I truly didn't want that.. I'm sorry that it has turned out this way.

Oh come on. Are you really surprised?

[Anonymous]

Surprised, no... perhaps disappointed.. It's sad to see that we have such an anger towards eachother based on our choices.

[Anonymous]

"My dh is a very loving and attentive father, most of the men I know are. But out of pretty much every couple I know, regardless of whether the wife works or stays at home, the women are the ones who worry most about their kids schooling, friends, nutrition, etc. In fact, I've even seen this with a friend of mine who works and has a sah husband. Must be something to it. Just sayin'. "

Maybe the men are on the right track. Most of the worry about schooling, friends, nutrition is a total waste of time. Maybe that's why some mothers look like worn out hags long before the fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My dh is a very loving and attentive father, most of the men I know are. But out of pretty much every couple I know, regardless of whether the wife works or stays at home, the women are the ones who worry most about their kids schooling, friends, nutrition, etc. In fact, I've even seen this with a friend of mine who works and has a sah husband. Must be something to it. Just sayin'. "

Maybe the men are on the right track. Most of the worry about schooling, friends, nutrition is a total waste of time. Maybe that's why some mothers look like worn out hags long before the fathers.

I agree. I say hire a nanny from birth to school age, after-school programs through elementary and middle, and away to boarding school for HS. Hell, if you shell out the bucks for private -they'll probably still acquire the skills needed to get into a good college; and then you can brag to your friends about how well your kids turned out. All without really having to deal with that dull, brain-rotting, mothering business!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You are probably gone 40 to 50 hours a week, and alot of growth and development goes on in that time in those early years and you are simply not there for it. Does that worry you a great deal? "

Does that worry DH?

Yes, but that's dad not mom. Sorry men and women are not the same - there's a reason why throughout the animal kingdom the female of the species is the primary caregiver.
There, I said it.

I'm glad you said it! It's true whether we want it to be true or not. I think one of the biggest problems in our society is this need to constantly redefine gender roles. Generally, men need to provide. Women need to nurture. I know there are plenty of really good stay-at-home dads. And plenty of awesome working mothers. But I'll be honest....I would not be able to respect my husband if he were not providing for our family. And he wouldn't want to be married to a women who wasn't nurturing by nature.

If you're going to skirt those roles, it's important to make sure you are with someone who shares those values. There is nothing wrong with dad staying at home while mom works...unless it causes resentment in the marriage. And I think for most people, it would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These SAHMs lives so incredibly dull. Everyone reading this is thinking the same thing but is afraid to say it. Sorry to be so blunt.

You act as if SAHMs have never had a job. I worked for a long time and there were definitely times that was dull as well! Please do share what kind of exciting career you have that always keeps you on your toes and popping out of bed each morning.

I'm a prosecutor, putting away murderers, rapists, thiefs, drug dealers and white collar criminals. How was your day yesterday?