Should we cancel our 4th of July party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly you love drama

Clearly Op is looking for a way out of this silly drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly you love drama

All the posts putting down op are such bull shite. Women do crap like this all the time. She isn't inviting the drama. Those of you saying this is in her head are gaslighting. In the suburbs, often the nastiest b rules the social groups. Everyone is so afraid of being the target, they just go along like sheep.

[Anonymous]

A lot of groups of women in the suburbs are held together by their hatred of one or two others. They build their groups around a target. It brings them together. I'm so surprised by the women who go along with this without a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the responses yet but I did reach out.

First I tried to call, no answer. Then I texted

“Hey! I just saw the invite for your 4th of July party and wanted to check in. I wasn’t sure if you remembered that we’re hosting ours that afternoon too, since you’d RSVP’d a while back. I figured I’d reach out in case there was some mix-up with dates or times”

I got a response within a minute.

“No, no mix up.”

So clearly she’s upset and I was talking to my husband all night to see if either of us did anything else to make her angry. I am going to ask her point blank but feel like some space is needed.

But if she’s that angry, why would she still invite us?

Regardless we both feel like she’s angry we didn’t attend her Memorial Day party which seems a little silly.

But to answer other questions.

- We do have friends outside of this social group. But the majority of our friends are mutual. Again, we’ve been here for two years and because we all have similar aged children who are friends we see each other more often.

- I cannot think of anything else my husband, myself or my children did to upset her but I may ask.

- I guess I like drama as much as anyone would. I like reality tv. I like gossip to an extent. I truly don’t like being involved in drama, or at the very least the cause or making anyone angry.

You didn't do anything unreasonable. She's just a childish nut. She's a dime a dozen. I thought we all get better as we get older and mellow out. The opposite is true. People become more petty and childish.

[Anonymous]

I saw the update. This is a very toxic person OP. Now you know for sure. Use her to the extent it benefits you but this is not a person to consider a friend.

I remember scheduling an overlapping bday with my kid's friend (booked before their invite went out, and not even totally incompatible for people to attend both) and I reached out and explained / apologized. This is a clear choice she is making yo send a signal.

July 4th is also a 3 day weekend and clearly if she just wanted to throw a BBQ it could have been on another day with the same festive cheer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most dignified path is just to pretend not to notice the utter rudeness, have your party and be kind and gracious even if only two people show up. People will observe your dignity & lack of drama and you will “win”. Then you can seek out other friends because who wants this kind of petty crap as an adult!

100% Agree. This is the best advice. OP, maybe you to take a step back and stop obsessing about this woman and your need for drama. Just throw a great party, have a great time, and forget about her.

Op can hold her head high and take the high road, but no doubt it could impact her children's relationships. They will be frozen out of the friendship group. It is awful for the whole family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe ask another neighbor who knows her better for advise Do you think Betty may have forgotten rsvp'ing to our party?

I have to assume she forgot . If she didn't forget ...find a new group.

Do not ask another neighbor. Then you just get labeled as a gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most dignified path is just to pretend not to notice the utter rudeness, have your party and be kind and gracious even if only two people show up. People will observe your dignity & lack of drama and you will “win”. Then you can seek out other friends because who wants this kind of petty crap as an adult!

100% Agree. This is the best advice. OP, maybe you to take a step back and stop obsessing about this woman and your need for drama. Just throw a great party, have a great time, and forget about her.

Clueless. Op isn't obsessed. She knows, like a lot of us who've experienced this, how bad this can be. My entire family was excluded from so much in our neighborhood because of one very insecure awful woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

Have other families rsvpd? Seems like she knew of the 4th party during her MD party. Maybe her hosting a competing event was discussed in your absence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most dignified path is just to pretend not to notice the utter rudeness, have your party and be kind and gracious even if only two people show up. People will observe your dignity & lack of drama and you will “win”. Then you can seek out other friends because who wants this kind of petty crap as an adult!

100% Agree. This is the best advice. OP, maybe you to take a step back and stop obsessing about this woman and your need for drama. Just throw a great party, have a great time, and forget about her.

Clueless. Op isn't obsessed. She knows, like a lot of us who've experienced this, how bad this can be. My entire family was excluded from so much in our neighborhood because of one very insecure awful woman.

+1. I feel bad for OP because I've also dealt with exclusion in our neighborhood because of one very insecure woman. It started with something very similar too, she scheduled a last minute birthday brunch for herself and all of the mom's in the neighborhood overlapping with my daughter's birthday party weeks after the birthday party was scheduled, and her family was invited and had already RSVPed. Then got very upset when I said that I wouldn't be able to attend because I was going to be setting up for my daughter's party. It went downhill from there, she has a a trail of friends she's burned - but somehow she maintains this queen bee status in the neighborhood. Women like that are toxic, and they are everywhere in the suburbs. OP has mad this woman mad, and if she has enough social power as the OP says she does, the other women will not defend OP. They might still be nice to her, but they absolutely will not defend her to the queen bee. OP needs to find new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

[Anonymous]

Op, can you have a brief but private moment with her to reiterate (yes, exaggerate) how sorry you were that you missed her Memorial Day Party. She may have been hurt and her hurt turned into a bit of anger or wanting to feel more empowered. You never know what else someone else might have said about your absence. I would express humble regret that you weren't there. And then leave things the way they are. If it's possible to host yours and show up for a bit to hers, do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, can you have a brief but private moment with her to reiterate (yes, exaggerate) how sorry you were that you missed her Memorial Day Party. She may have been hurt and her hurt turned into a bit of anger or wanting to feel more empowered. You never know what else someone else might have said about your absence. I would express humble regret that you weren't there. And then leave things the way they are. If it's possible to host yours and show up for a bit to hers, do that.

You mean grovel at the feet of the Queen Bee? No, OP should not do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.