Should we cancel our 4th of July party?

[Anonymous]

We moved to our current area two years ago and made a solid group of friends with similar aged children.

All has been going well. There’s is one woman who has a lot of pull with our social group. She has always been friendly with me but I know she is capable of being catty.

For Memorial Day she hosted a party. We did not attend and instead saw old friends on our old neighborhood about an hour away.

After we returned I noticed a shift in her behavior towards me. She was just less friendly, a bit shorter.

We planned to host a 4th of July party and sent out invites mid-May (6-8 weeks advance tends to be the norm for this friend group). She RSVP’d as well as many others.

Today I got an invite for the same day and the same time to *her* 4th of July party.

This seems very weird no? We didn’t just not show up to her Memorial Day party. We let her know we couldn’t make it far in advance. We had already planned on seeing our old friends.

This is the only thing I can think of that would upset her. We are all in our mid to late 30s so this kind of behavior just seems juvenile.

My husband and I aren’t about social drama so are thinking about canceling our party. We honestly only threw ours because we don’t host often and felt like we should but won’t if it’s going to split our group. We know we’d lose anyways and I don’t want to waste time, money and effort on a party no one attends.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, that is bizarre. Sympathy.

[Anonymous]

"no one attends"? aren't you being a bit dramatic ?

[Anonymous]

Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

[Anonymous]

If people have RSVPd to your party, of course you should host as planned. Stop being a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"no one attends"? aren't you being a bit dramatic ?

Possibly.

We have a few friends coming we know outside of this friend group. Also, maybe a handful of people would attend ours over hers but not the bulk.

She’s far more established in the social group and that’s fine.

Another alternative is canceling the larger party and hosting something small? But I really don’t want to be put in the situation where we compete for attendance it sounds like a headache.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

That is possible, I suppose. I do not think that’s the case given her history but I’ll reach out and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

That is possible, I suppose. I do not think that’s the case given her history but I’ll reach out and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

This.
I bet she forgot. But even if not, reminding her she RSVPd to yours already will clarify what is going on. I would not simply cancel: that's weird, plus you'll never know whether she was actually trying to schedule over you.

[Anonymous]

I’d start by giving her the benefit of the doubt- she likely forgot, so I’d address it head on and text her to figure out what’s happening and a solution. “Hi Larla, just got your party invite for July 4th. We were also planning to host a July 4th party at the same timeslot (which I see you RSVP’d to). Would you like to join forces on the party instead of hosting separate ones?” If it was intentional, that is just really bizarre behavior- I would want an explanation.

[Anonymous]

It's a bit high school that all your friends are in the same circle. M

[Anonymous]

This is her issue, not yours. Host the party you already said you were having, and plan for the number of people who RSVP’d. I’m not sure I’d say anything directly but I might repush out the evite to make sure she sees it.

One of two things is going to happen. Either everyone who RSVP’d will show up, or else many will go to Queen Bee’s party and you’ll know that you’ve got a toxic social scene in that neighborhood and you can scale back to “polite and pleasant” and look for your social life elsewhere. Even if it is the toxic one, the people who show up are probably tired of Queen Bee’s BS and will probably be the core of your new friend group.

[Anonymous]

People will likely split their time between the 2 parties. Don't cancel, it makes you seem dramatic and people like to avoid drama

[Anonymous]

Maybe ask another neighbor who knows her better for advise Do you think Betty may have forgotten rsvp'ing to our party?

I have to assume she forgot . If she didn't forget ...find a new group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People will likely split their time between the 2 parties. Don't cancel, it makes you seem dramatic and people like to avoid drama

Agreed. Fourth of July parties I've been to are usually pretty chill- BBQ and hang out for a few hours. It's not weird to go to different parties for a couple hours.