Should we cancel our 4th of July party?

[Anonymous]

Is the timing exactly the same?

[Anonymous]

Don't cancel.
I would also check in with her to remind her about yours.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t cancel. Proceed as you would have. People may go to both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People will likely split their time between the 2 parties. Don't cancel, it makes you seem dramatic and people like to avoid drama

Agreed. Fourth of July parties I've been to are usually pretty chill- BBQ and hang out for a few hours. It's not weird to go to different parties for a couple hours.

Yes but it's not usually two people within the same friend group throwing parties after rsvp-ing to each other. Usually people are attending .multiple events from unrelated friend groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

Don’t do this if you want to keep friends in your new town. Yes, I’d cancel. She’s a B too and not a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is her issue, not yours. Host the party you already said you were having, and plan for the number of people who RSVP’d. I’m not sure I’d say anything directly but I might repush out the evite to make sure she sees it.

One of two things is going to happen. Either everyone who RSVP’d will show up, or else many will go to Queen Bee’s party and you’ll know that you’ve got a toxic social scene in that neighborhood and you can scale back to “polite and pleasant” and look for your social life elsewhere. Even if it is the toxic one, the people who show up are probably tired of Queen Bee’s BS and will probably be the core of your new friend group.

Nope won’t happen. This isn’t how Queen bees work. She’s Queen bee because people follow her. They won’t follow new girl unless she has more to offer them. This sounds terrible, I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

You are imagining things. Host your party, whoever comes, comes.

[Anonymous]

Do not reach out to her. Queen Bees feed off drama. As long as you have friends coming outside the neighborhood group, host your party and have fun with those who show up. If you live near the Queen Bee, I agree that people will likely hit both parties, especially those who already RSVP'd to yours.

[Anonymous]

You can’t cancel. Just try to get a sense of how many are coming and calibrate accordingly. I’ve been to July 4th parties where it was just a small group and it was more fun than a bunch of people milling about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t cancel. Just try to get a sense of how many are coming and calibrate accordingly. I’ve been to July 4th parties where it was just a small group and it was more fun than a bunch of people milling about.

Yeah just have your party and have fun.

The way to win conflicts with people like that is just to not play their game. Invite some more people if you want. Make.it an open house maybe, keep an open invite, have a bunch of food and lawn games and don't care about what anyone else is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

Don’t do this if you want to keep friends in your new town. Yes, I’d cancel. She’s a B too and not a friend.

No, assume she forgot. Remind her directly. How she responds will tell you what you need to know about her going forward.

Unless you prefer all this guessing and sniping and drama. Which, it seems, some PPs do.

[Anonymous]

Nobody forgets they RSVPed to a 4th of July party, so they decide to throw their own.

Geez, be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

Don’t do this if you want to keep friends in your new town. Yes, I’d cancel. She’s a B too and not a friend.

No, assume she forgot. Remind her directly. How she responds will tell you what you need to know about her going forward.

Unless you prefer all this guessing and sniping and drama. Which, it seems, some PPs do.

+1
Remind her directly in a very public post. It's all very factual so why not be honest and transparent about it.

[Anonymous]

Basically, you're in a no-win here. If you reach out again to remind her you're having a party, then you are signaling that you want her to cancel hers. Bad. If you cancel, then you are showing that you care too much about QB. Also bad. If you have yours and no one shows up. No fun. And a waste of money. But you'll know where you stand and can plan accordingly for how to deal with this clique.

Hopefully by you being flexible and fun (I'd have a fun party drink--I know, not great but it helps with parties) people will show up at your party and enjoy themselves, even if for just part of the evening. It's a shame, but you really have to not care about this woman.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing Queen Bee wants to have her own party and since you didn't attend her MD party you either don't matter enough to not step on your toes, or she worries you're gaining ground to usurp her and wants to nip that in the bud. You are showing independence.

I know this sounds insane, and is, but don't under estimate the emotional baggage of the type of woman who becomes a Queen Bee as an adult.