Mother Expects me to pay for my younger sister's college education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And as far as I know, international students cannot take student loans.

I said the same thing on the first page. Who is going to give a kid who has no ties to this country other than the university 300k?

OP, has she looked into smaller private institutions? I was accepted to a couple of very prestigious schools but had to go with a much lesser tier one because they gave me a full ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re probably right not to co-sign the student loan.

But your math is all over the place. After your sister’s scholarship, you first wrote that the rest of the tuition is $31K a year. Is the $10K your mother wants from you over two years or each year?

If it’s over two years, that’s not much more than you’ve been doing in the past, $5000 vs. $3750, only $1250 more per year. If it’s each year, then $31K split among the four of you is $7750, which is $4000 more a year than you’ve been giving.

If you’re willing to get a part-time job, you should be able to make that much working retail one day a week.

Tell your mother and sister what you amount can afford to contribute and then say no to any other requests.

Your sister should get a job and may have to look into deferring her admittance (and hopefully also the scholarship) for a year while she works to save up for her tuition.

OP here.

My sister has a 15k scholarship and admission to VCU. Co-pilot says after the scholarship room and board for 1 year will cost approx $40K – $50K.

She also got into GMU with a 10k scholarship. Co-pilot says with room and board for 1 year the cost is approx $49K – $55K

If she goes to GMU there is a possibility she may get to live with my rich sister at her house. So then the cost for tuition alone would be $29K – $30K.

However my rich sister says she is done having my sister living with her and she and her husband want privacy and to focus on their own little family.

I live in a small apartment by myself and as such cannot have her.

Ok so to sum it up your sister's education costs too much money, nobody has it, and your mother wants you to pay for it? What is it that you want to do? I don't see even if you contribute $10K for tuition, where is the rest of the money coming from? Especially if she will need room and board?

[Anonymous]

Look up the actual costs on the college s websites in case AI is off. The tuition is set, but room and board and other expenses vary.

Would your rich sister consider letting her stay and helping to pay for college in exchange for being a nanny?

Can your little sister take extra classes and finish in 1.5 years instead of 2 to cut costs?

Do you have any other family who could contribute?

[Anonymous]

She might tg not want this but places like Mary Washington give aid based on grades and test scores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up the actual costs on the college s websites in case AI is off. The tuition is set, but room and board and other expenses vary.

Would your rich sister consider letting her stay and helping to pay for college in exchange for being a nanny?

Can your little sister take extra classes and finish in 1.5 years instead of 2 to cut costs?

Do you have any other family who could contribute?

I feel for the rich sister. She's already hosted her for 2 years. She has a family of her own. She's asking for privacy. It's likely causing marital conflict.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both first gen immigrants. There was an understanding that DH, the first born son would should the cost of education for his younger sister as the parents couldn’t afford it. DH went to college on scholarships and work/study programs. So when we started getting serious in mid 20s, he had asked how I felt about his financial responsibilities. I didn’t hesitate to support him on that as there was no way his sister would be able to go to med school without support. So we did what we could on our combined starter income.

30 years later, SIL is now a specialist making good income. We have never asked her to repay us. She is grateful for everything we did and has supported my children on their education (even though we have enough to cover the costs ourselves).

OP’s family dynamics might be different. I guess I see this as the typical immigrant way of trying to break out of the bottom rung.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What can the rest of the family contribute?

They are contributing. In my own family, my father sent his 6 nephews and 1 younger brother to college after the death of his father and brother. It was very hard for us because all that money flowed to his family.

But, all branches of my paternal family did very well and today our entire clan is doing well.

All males. Interesting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both first gen immigrants. There was an understanding that DH, the first born son would should the cost of education for his younger sister as the parents couldn’t afford it. DH went to college on scholarships and work/study programs. So when we started getting serious in mid 20s, he had asked how I felt about his financial responsibilities. I didn’t hesitate to support him on that as there was no way his sister would be able to go to med school without support. So we did what we could on our combined starter income.

30 years later, SIL is now a specialist making good income. We have never asked her to repay us. She is grateful for everything we did and has supported my children on their education (even though we have enough to cover the costs ourselves).

OP’s family dynamics might be different. I guess I see this as the typical immigrant way of trying to break out of the bottom rung.

I think there's a big difference in helping to get a medical degree versus a random undergraduate degree. It seems your SIL had already acquired the undergraduate degree and she had to be smart and determined to do medicine, much smarter than the average. The fact that the OPs sister hasn't managed to get an undergraduate in her home country and instead was sitting at home for 3 years shows that she's none of that. Most international students end up in the US on graduate scholarships, especially from third world countries, having already acquired undergraduate at home. Now it's true that at "home" only the smartest get to state universities (say top 20%), which is free, and the rest have to find pay-to-play private schools or jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both first gen immigrants. There was an understanding that DH, the first born son would should the cost of education for his younger sister as the parents couldn’t afford it. DH went to college on scholarships and work/study programs. So when we started getting serious in mid 20s, he had asked how I felt about his financial responsibilities. I didn’t hesitate to support him on that as there was no way his sister would be able to go to med school without support. So we did what we could on our combined starter income.

30 years later, SIL is now a specialist making good income. We have never asked her to repay us. She is grateful for everything we did and has supported my children on their education (even though we have enough to cover the costs ourselves).

OP’s family dynamics might be different. I guess I see this as the typical immigrant way of trying to break out of the bottom rung.

Must be nice to be the youngest in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What can the rest of the family contribute?

They are contributing. In my own family, my father sent his 6 nephews and 1 younger brother to college after the death of his father and brother. It was very hard for us because all that money flowed to his family.

But, all branches of my paternal family did very well and today our entire clan is doing well.

All males. Interesting

And again the oldest gets absolutely screwed and the younger get a free education. What a lopsided system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your parents finance your education or how was that paid for?

I wonder the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Well ship her back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family lives abroad and my father passed away 2 years ago. He never had a financial plan to send my youngest sister to college and as such she was living at home for 3 years after graduating high school since she had no way to begin school.

After my father died, my sister and I paid for this sister to come and enroll at NOVA as an international student. We split the bill for her tuition, and since my sister is rich and has a house, my college aged sister moved in with her and got all her expenses covered.

Now its been two years and she is set to graduate NOVA. I have probably contributed $7500 for her tuition which is not a small sum for me.

She wants to transfer for VCU or Mason and tuition alone is 31k per year after the 10k scholarship she recieved.

My mom called and said I need to contribute 10k every semester.

I don't know how to feel.

You say "Student loans" her education is not your problem or responsibility. Was she working the three years she was at home? If not. Why?

[Anonymous]

You don't say a word about how much it cost your father to put you through college or how you paid it back.
If you have $450k in 401k, you make a good salary. You, your 'rich' sister, your college sister, and the scholarship are absolutely enough to get her through school. She should have been working since day one.
I've been an international student twice. Don't tell me how she can't work.
What is the end game here? Is she supposed to get a job here or go back?
Your mother needs to cut back on spending and learn about money now that dad is dead. She lives in third world country, but it takes 4 people working in first world to support her. How?!
You absolutely owe the money back with interest it took to educate you. The money is in your 401k. And stop putting that much money into that lousy account. Your sister's education will have much bigger return that your 401k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't say a word about how much it cost your father to put you through college or how you paid it back.
If you have $450k in 401k, you make a good salary. You, your 'rich' sister, your college sister, and the scholarship are absolutely enough to get her through school. She should have been working since day one.
I've been an international student twice. Don't tell me how she can't work.
What is the end game here? Is she supposed to get a job here or go back?
Your mother needs to cut back on spending and learn about money now that dad is dead. She lives in third world country, but it takes 4 people working in first world to support her. How?!
You absolutely owe the money back with interest it took to educate you. The money is in your 401k. And stop putting that much money into that lousy account. Your sister's education will have much bigger return that your 401k.

My parents lived in America when I was in college. My dad had a good job and paid for me to attend nova as that’s all he could afford. He also took out a 20k loan from a friend to put me through 2 remaining years at Va tech.

My mother lives with my brother who also works. My other sister lives with her husband and she also has a job.

My rich sister and I live in the US. We both work in corporate and her husband makes great money.