Mother Expects me to pay for my younger sister's college education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your parents are deadbeats
Your sister in college is entitled

You and that rich sister created and enabled both

Good luck!

I always love it when Americans who have no idea how poor the rest of the world is chime in with comments like this. And lets be clear, I've repeatedly told OP she is not responsible for her sister's education, but this is the kind of uneducated, uninformed nonsense that boggles the mind.

Which is why these poor people get the undergrad at home. There are many scholarships for grad studies. I think many immigrants can say that they got accepted to a prestigious university or an Ivy in the US and couldn't go, because they didn't have the money. In a poor country, $20K is A LOT. I got accepted to Cornell and didn't have the money required for room and board, my tuition was covered. Ended up in Europe for grad school and afterwards came back to the US. The sister and mom are catastrophizing.

None of what you said justifies calling the parents deadbeats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your parents are deadbeats
Your sister in college is entitled

You and that rich sister created and enabled both

Good luck!

I always love it when Americans who have no idea how poor the rest of the world is chime in with comments like this. And lets be clear, I've repeatedly told OP she is not responsible for her sister's education, but this is the kind of uneducated, uninformed nonsense that boggles the mind.

Which is why these poor people get the undergrad at home. There are many scholarships for grad studies. I think many immigrants can say that they got accepted to a prestigious university or an Ivy in the US and couldn't go, because they didn't have the money. In a poor country, $20K is A LOT. I got accepted to Cornell and didn't have the money required for room and board, my tuition was covered. Ended up in Europe for grad school and afterwards came back to the US. The sister and mom are catastrophizing.

None of what you said justifies calling the parents deadbeats.

NP. But the parents are deadbeats if they expect siblings to pay for college, and not just expect, but DEMAND and say it's the end of the world if they don't. It was up to the OPs parents to make arrangements or have less kids, if they couldn't manage. Or they should have insisted they get education in their home country, where it's either free or much cheaper. None of this should be on the OPs shoulders. How many siblings have you put through college?

[Anonymous]

It also looks like the OP went to college in the US because her family lived here at the time and had jobs. None of it is the case any more. The dad has passed away and the mom lives in the home country. There is no reason for the sister to get college education here as an international student (which at least triples college costs). She'd be better off being undocumented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your parents are deadbeats
Your sister in college is entitled

You and that rich sister created and enabled both

Good luck!

I always love it when Americans who have no idea how poor the rest of the world is chime in with comments like this. And lets be clear, I've repeatedly told OP she is not responsible for her sister's education, but this is the kind of uneducated, uninformed nonsense that boggles the mind.

Which is why these poor people get the undergrad at home. There are many scholarships for grad studies. I think many immigrants can say that they got accepted to a prestigious university or an Ivy in the US and couldn't go, because they didn't have the money. In a poor country, $20K is A LOT. I got accepted to Cornell and didn't have the money required for room and board, my tuition was covered. Ended up in Europe for grad school and afterwards came back to the US. The sister and mom are catastrophizing.

None of what you said justifies calling the parents deadbeats.

NP. But the parents are deadbeats if they expect siblings to pay for college, and not just expect, but DEMAND and say it's the end of the world if they don't. It was up to the OPs parents to make arrangements or have less kids, if they couldn't manage. Or they should have insisted they get education in their home country, where it's either free or much cheaper. None of this should be on the OPs shoulders. How many siblings have you put through college?

So effing uncultured and clueless.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your parents are deadbeats
Your sister in college is entitled

You and that rich sister created and enabled both

Good luck!

I always love it when Americans who have no idea how poor the rest of the world is chime in with comments like this. And lets be clear, I've repeatedly told OP she is not responsible for her sister's education, but this is the kind of uneducated, uninformed nonsense that boggles the mind.

Which is why these poor people get the undergrad at home. There are many scholarships for grad studies. I think many immigrants can say that they got accepted to a prestigious university or an Ivy in the US and couldn't go, because they didn't have the money. In a poor country, $20K is A LOT. I got accepted to Cornell and didn't have the money required for room and board, my tuition was covered. Ended up in Europe for grad school and afterwards came back to the US. The sister and mom are catastrophizing.

None of what you said justifies calling the parents deadbeats.

NP. But the parents are deadbeats if they expect siblings to pay for college, and not just expect, but DEMAND and say it's the end of the world if they don't. It was up to the OPs parents to make arrangements or have less kids, if they couldn't manage. Or they should have insisted they get education in their home country, where it's either free or much cheaper. None of this should be on the OPs shoulders. How many siblings have you put through college?

So effing uncultured and clueless.......

Try not to swear in the thread. If you have nothing to say, just move on. Classy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your parents are deadbeats
Your sister in college is entitled

You and that rich sister created and enabled both

Good luck!

I always love it when Americans who have no idea how poor the rest of the world is chime in with comments like this. And lets be clear, I've repeatedly told OP she is not responsible for her sister's education, but this is the kind of uneducated, uninformed nonsense that boggles the mind.

Which is why these poor people get the undergrad at home. There are many scholarships for grad studies. I think many immigrants can say that they got accepted to a prestigious university or an Ivy in the US and couldn't go, because they didn't have the money. In a poor country, $20K is A LOT. I got accepted to Cornell and didn't have the money required for room and board, my tuition was covered. Ended up in Europe for grad school and afterwards came back to the US. The sister and mom are catastrophizing.

None of what you said justifies calling the parents deadbeats.

NP. But the parents are deadbeats if they expect siblings to pay for college, and not just expect, but DEMAND and say it's the end of the world if they don't. It was up to the OPs parents to make arrangements or have less kids, if they couldn't manage. Or they should have insisted they get education in their home country, where it's either free or much cheaper. None of this should be on the OPs shoulders. How many siblings have you put through college?

So effing uncultured and clueless.......

OP's culture shifted when she became an American. She's allowed to change with her new culture. Americans are generally good at setting boundaries. That is something positive she can bring to her family and culture. It means figuring out what she can do, offering it, and letting them complain. Read the book "The Let Them Theory". It was very helpful for me, OP. I'd imagine OP can offer $5k a year for the next 2 years? That is a lot for a single woman to offer her sibling. I think OP could live with herself if she offered an attainable amount and left her sister and mother to figure out the rest. There is a lot of space between do nothing and contribute $50k for OP to work with.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Well my parents are from a third world country but live in the Gulf states right now since my brother has a good job there and has sponsored my mother and college aged sister to live there until she moved here on an F-1 for Nova.

She is bright, has a 4.0 and worked her last year at NOVA on campus as allowed by her visa type. But it was part time and just pocket money mostly.

My siblings and I pay for her flights back and forth and my rich sister pays for her food, clothing and incidental expenses.

I married an American when I was in my twenties and we have since divorced but I obtained citizenship which is why I am still in the US. My other sister here did the same.

My rich sister is asking me to contribute $2,200 per semester to my sister's tuition and she and our brother can contribute the rest and that should cover her tution...we still do not have a plan for her room and board. My rich sister is asking college sister to call the schools and discuss RA options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your parents are deadbeats
Your sister in college is entitled

You and that rich sister created and enabled both

Good luck!

I always love it when Americans who have no idea how poor the rest of the world is chime in with comments like this. And lets be clear, I've repeatedly told OP she is not responsible for her sister's education, but this is the kind of uneducated, uninformed nonsense that boggles the mind.

Which is why these poor people get the undergrad at home. There are many scholarships for grad studies. I think many immigrants can say that they got accepted to a prestigious university or an Ivy in the US and couldn't go, because they didn't have the money. In a poor country, $20K is A LOT. I got accepted to Cornell and didn't have the money required for room and board, my tuition was covered. Ended up in Europe for grad school and afterwards came back to the US. The sister and mom are catastrophizing.

None of what you said justifies calling the parents deadbeats.

NP. But the parents are deadbeats if they expect siblings to pay for college, and not just expect, but DEMAND and say it's the end of the world if they don't. It was up to the OPs parents to make arrangements or have less kids, if they couldn't manage. Or they should have insisted they get education in their home country, where it's either free or much cheaper. None of this should be on the OPs shoulders. How many siblings have you put through college?

So effing uncultured and clueless.......

Try not to swear in the thread. If you have nothing to say, just move on. Classy.

Do try to eff off. You have no idea what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your parents are deadbeats
Your sister in college is entitled

You and that rich sister created and enabled both

Good luck!

I always love it when Americans who have no idea how poor the rest of the world is chime in with comments like this. And lets be clear, I've repeatedly told OP she is not responsible for her sister's education, but this is the kind of uneducated, uninformed nonsense that boggles the mind.

Which is why these poor people get the undergrad at home. There are many scholarships for grad studies. I think many immigrants can say that they got accepted to a prestigious university or an Ivy in the US and couldn't go, because they didn't have the money. In a poor country, $20K is A LOT. I got accepted to Cornell and didn't have the money required for room and board, my tuition was covered. Ended up in Europe for grad school and afterwards came back to the US. The sister and mom are catastrophizing.

None of what you said justifies calling the parents deadbeats.

NP. But the parents are deadbeats if they expect siblings to pay for college, and not just expect, but DEMAND and say it's the end of the world if they don't. It was up to the OPs parents to make arrangements or have less kids, if they couldn't manage. Or they should have insisted they get education in their home country, where it's either free or much cheaper. None of this should be on the OPs shoulders. How many siblings have you put through college?

So effing uncultured and clueless.......

OP's culture shifted when she became an American. She's allowed to change with her new culture. Americans are generally good at setting boundaries. That is something positive she can bring to her family and culture. It means figuring out what she can do, offering it, and letting them complain. Read the book "The Let Them Theory". It was very helpful for me, OP. I'd imagine OP can offer $5k a year for the next 2 years? That is a lot for a single woman to offer her sibling. I think OP could live with herself if she offered an attainable amount and left her sister and mother to figure out the rest. There is a lot of space between do nothing and contribute $50k for OP to work with.

Again, none of that nonsense means that her parents are deadbeats.

A deadbeat is an American parent who can afford to pay for college but chooses to have their child take out a ton of student loans as some kind of character-building exercise.

[Anonymous]

This is easy.

Talk to your sister. Tell her that you can contribute X per semester. She needs a financial reality check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not married. Rich sister is married to a rich guy and lives in a house with a spare room where my college aged sister has been living to attend NOVA for the past two years.

My mother has no money as Rich sister, myself and my two other siblings who live abroad support her. My mother wants me to either co-sign for a student loan for my college sister or contribute 10k per adult sibling to help youngest sister finish college in America.

I don't want to co-sign a loan for 100k at least as I am single and need my credit and do not want to take on that huge risk.

I have 25k in emergency savings in addition to maybe 450k in my 401K. That's it.

Rich sister says its her husband's money and not hers and her priroity is her actual children and she already is having college sister live with her and now is ready to focus on her own family.

So tell your mom that you aren't able to do it. What is she going to do?

She will probably disown her.

I went NC with my mom over her demands. I don’t care if we’re family, I’ll not be treated like that.
Just say no and let the chips fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister needs to do work-study or go back home, where I bet the education is much cheaper or even free. Tell your mom you'd be happy to do it if she gives you 10K each semester, otherwise no.

This. She now has a two year degree and hopefully a good command of English. Wouldn't it be cheaper for her to go to college in her home country, and then actually affordable for you and your sister to help pay for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Well my parents are from a third world country but live in the Gulf states right now since my brother has a good job there and has sponsored my mother and college aged sister to live there until she moved here on an F-1 for Nova.

She is bright, has a 4.0 and worked her last year at NOVA on campus as allowed by her visa type. But it was part time and just pocket money mostly.

My siblings and I pay for her flights back and forth and my rich sister pays for her food, clothing and incidental expenses.

I married an American when I was in my twenties and we have since divorced but I obtained citizenship which is why I am still in the US. My other sister here did the same.

My rich sister is asking me to contribute $2,200 per semester to my sister's tuition and she and our brother can contribute the rest and that should cover her tution...we still do not have a plan for her room and board. My rich sister is asking college sister to call the schools and discuss RA options.

Then you have to decide if you're willing to contribute that amount.

Still strange that she didn't do anything worthwhile for 3 years after high school. And she couldn't get to universities in the Gulf states? Yes, paying for undergrad as an international student on an F-1 is going to be costly.

[Anonymous]

Just checked out of curiosity and not only are there local well-regarded universities, there are many American universities operating branches in the Gulf states!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your sister needs to be able to live with either you or your other sister to save on living expenses. Why not George Mason, so you and your sister only split tuition, not living costs. If your sister is flying back to see Mom more than once a year right now, that is probably too much. The flight expenses are going to be huge in the upcoming year, and the money may be best spent on tuition rather than flights.