Mother Expects me to pay for my younger sister's college education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am not married. Rich sister is married to a rich guy and lives in a house with a spare room where my college aged sister has been living to attend NOVA for the past two years.

My mother has no money as Rich sister, myself and my two other siblings who live abroad support her. My mother wants me to either co-sign for a student loan for my college sister or contribute 10k per adult sibling to help youngest sister finish college in America.

I don't want to co-sign a loan for 100k at least as I am single and need my credit and do not want to take on that huge risk.

I have 25k in emergency savings in addition to maybe 450k in my 401K. That's it.

Rich sister says its her husband's money and not hers and her priroity is her actual children and she already is having college sister live with her and now is ready to focus on her own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not married. Rich sister is married to a rich guy and lives in a house with a spare room where my college aged sister has been living to attend NOVA for the past two years.

My mother has no money as Rich sister, myself and my two other siblings who live abroad support her. My mother wants me to either co-sign for a student loan for my college sister or contribute 10k per adult sibling to help youngest sister finish college in America.

I don't want to co-sign a loan for 100k at least as I am single and need my credit and do not want to take on that huge risk.

I have 25k in emergency savings in addition to maybe 450k in my 401K. That's it.

Rich sister says its her husband's money and not hers and her priroity is her actual children and she already is having college sister live with her and now is ready to focus on her own family.

So tell your mom that you aren't able to do it. What is she going to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not married. Rich sister is married to a rich guy and lives in a house with a spare room where my college aged sister has been living to attend NOVA for the past two years.

My mother has no money as Rich sister, myself and my two other siblings who live abroad support her. My mother wants me to either co-sign for a student loan for my college sister or contribute 10k per adult sibling to help youngest sister finish college in America.

I don't want to co-sign a loan for 100k at least as I am single and need my credit and do not want to take on that huge risk.

I have 25k in emergency savings in addition to maybe 450k in my 401K. That's it.

Rich sister says its her husband's money and not hers and her priroity is her actual children and she already is having college sister live with her and now is ready to focus on her own family.

Thanks for explaining. You don't have to pick up the rope just because they are handing it to you. Find the number you'd be comfortable giving and offer that, no more. Either they take it or leave it. I understand the immigrant family angle, but sister is also an adult and needs to start helping to support themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not married. Rich sister is married to a rich guy and lives in a house with a spare room where my college aged sister has been living to attend NOVA for the past two years.

My mother has no money as Rich sister, myself and my two other siblings who live abroad support her. My mother wants me to either co-sign for a student loan for my college sister or contribute 10k per adult sibling to help youngest sister finish college in America.

I don't want to co-sign a loan for 100k at least as I am single and need my credit and do not want to take on that huge risk.

I have 25k in emergency savings in addition to maybe 450k in my 401K. That's it.

Rich sister says its her husband's money and not hers and her priroity is her actual children and she already is having college sister live with her and now is ready to focus on her own family.

So tell your mom that you aren't able to do it. What is she going to do?

She will probably disown her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

Yeah, yeah...we all have family issues. Some of us don't make lying our reflex, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Well then, she can find a way to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not married. Rich sister is married to a rich guy and lives in a house with a spare room where my college aged sister has been living to attend NOVA for the past two years.

My mother has no money as Rich sister, myself and my two other siblings who live abroad support her. My mother wants me to either co-sign for a student loan for my college sister or contribute 10k per adult sibling to help youngest sister finish college in America.

I don't want to co-sign a loan for 100k at least as I am single and need my credit and do not want to take on that huge risk.

I have 25k in emergency savings in addition to maybe 450k in my 401K. That's it.

Rich sister says its her husband's money and not hers and her priroity is her actual children and she already is having college sister live with her and now is ready to focus on her own family.

Your sister's point is valid. Especially if she's not working.

Your point is also valid. You don't have to pay for your sister's college. You can say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not married. Rich sister is married to a rich guy and lives in a house with a spare room where my college aged sister has been living to attend NOVA for the past two years.

My mother has no money as Rich sister, myself and my two other siblings who live abroad support her. My mother wants me to either co-sign for a student loan for my college sister or contribute 10k per adult sibling to help youngest sister finish college in America.

I don't want to co-sign a loan for 100k at least as I am single and need my credit and do not want to take on that huge risk.

I have 25k in emergency savings in addition to maybe 450k in my 401K. That's it.

Rich sister says its her husband's money and not hers and her priroity is her actual children and she already is having college sister live with her and now is ready to focus on her own family.

So tell your mom that you aren't able to do it. What is she going to do?

If she does that, OP won't have to send her more money. Not the worst outcome.

She will probably disown her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Yep... I'm that PP and can totally relate! So both your mom and sister are a united front with their hands out, trying to manipulate all of you! You need to develop a united front with the rich sister, so that the free-ride sister gets pressured to go back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

Yeah, yeah...we all have family issues. Some of us don't make lying our reflex, though.

As I said, I ended with no contact as I couldn't play the games in the long run. It was like a rollercoaster that you couldn't get off of. Anyway, if you think nobody lies to you, you'd be surprised to hear that an average person tells 1-2 lies PER DAY. The ones who don't are autists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

Yeah, yeah...we all have family issues. Some of us don't make lying our reflex, though.

As I said, I ended with no contact as I couldn't play the games in the long run. It was like a rollercoaster that you couldn't get off of. Anyway, if you think nobody lies to you, you'd be surprised to hear that an average person tells 1-2 lies PER DAY. The ones who don't are autists

You're an idiot and a bigot. You also have no idea about people on the spectrum but it didn't stop you from making a deragatory comment.

I never said no one lies to me. I said I make it a point not to lie, especially to my mother. That is well within your control but I don't expect for someone like you to understand.