Mother Expects me to pay for my younger sister's college education

[Anonymous]

My family lives abroad and my father passed away 2 years ago. He never had a financial plan to send my youngest sister to college and as such she was living at home for 3 years after graduating high school since she had no way to begin school.

After my father died, my sister and I paid for this sister to come and enroll at NOVA as an international student. We split the bill for her tuition, and since my sister is rich and has a house, my college aged sister moved in with her and got all her expenses covered.

Now its been two years and she is set to graduate NOVA. I have probably contributed $7500 for her tuition which is not a small sum for me.

She wants to transfer for VCU or Mason and tuition alone is 31k per year after the 10k scholarship she recieved.

My mom called and said I need to contribute 10k every semester.

I don't know how to feel.

[Anonymous]

Wrong forum- this isn't really a money issue. It's a Family Relationships issue.

[Anonymous]

My husband's parents are immigrants who didn't have much to spend on their children's education. The first three got wonderful scholarships and completed their education for reasonable amounts, and the fourth was helped by his brothers. My husband, as the second child, contributed. My husband also got no-interest loans from his older brother when he needed it, and repaid them years later. All the brothers together have put a younger cousin through law school in their home country (much cheaper than here). All this is expected in the diaspora, but my husband was happy to do it. I'm OK with it, because I'd rather have that kind of helping family than my own, a viper's nest of people who knife each other in the back.

Can your sister do a work-study program or find paid work while she studies? Maybe help her do that, to lower your contribution.

[Anonymous]

Your sister needs to do work-study or go back home, where I bet the education is much cheaper or even free. Tell your mom you'd be happy to do it if she gives you 10K each semester, otherwise no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family lives abroad and my father passed away 2 years ago. He never had a financial plan to send my youngest sister to college and as such she was living at home for 3 years after graduating high school since she had no way to begin school.

After my father died, my sister and I paid for this sister to come and enroll at NOVA as an international student. We split the bill for her tuition, and since my sister is rich and has a house, my college aged sister moved in with her and got all her expenses covered.

Now its been two years and she is set to graduate NOVA. I have probably contributed $7500 for her tuition which is not a small sum for me.

She wants to transfer for VCU or Mason and tuition alone is 31k per year after the 10k scholarship she recieved.

My mom called and said I need to contribute 10k every semester.

I don't know how to feel.

You don't have to cover that much per semester. Even if you could afford it, that is a huge ask. You don't say anything about your own finances or needs other than that $7500 is a significant contribution for you over 2 years.

It is okay for you to tell your mother "I cannot afford that" and support your sister in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she needs some student loans

[Anonymous]

Tell her you can contribute $2000 (or whatever) a semester and that is all you are able to do. Then they can plan from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she needs some student loans

When I was an international student, I could not get student loans.

[Anonymous]

As an immigrant myself, I don't think what your mom is asking is necessarily wrong. She wants to see her child succeed like the older two. I don't think it's wrong for you to say that you can't afford it either. Can your mom contribute at all?

[Anonymous]

Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

[Anonymous]

Did your parents finance your education or how was that paid for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family lives abroad and my father passed away 2 years ago. He never had a financial plan to send my youngest sister to college and as such she was living at home for 3 years after graduating high school since she had no way to begin school.

After my father died, my sister and I paid for this sister to come and enroll at NOVA as an international student. We split the bill for her tuition, and since my sister is rich and has a house, my college aged sister moved in with her and got all her expenses covered.

Now its been two years and she is set to graduate NOVA. I have probably contributed $7500 for her tuition which is not a small sum for me.

She wants to transfer for VCU or Mason and tuition alone is 31k per year after the 10k scholarship she recieved.

My mom called and said I need to contribute 10k every semester.

I don't know how to feel.

The math isn't mathing. VCU or Mason are not $41,000 a year in tuition. Are you counting room and board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.