Mother Expects me to pay for my younger sister's college education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family lives abroad and my father passed away 2 years ago. He never had a financial plan to send my youngest sister to college and as such she was living at home for 3 years after graduating high school since she had no way to begin school.

After my father died, my sister and I paid for this sister to come and enroll at NOVA as an international student. We split the bill for her tuition, and since my sister is rich and has a house, my college aged sister moved in with her and got all her expenses covered.

Now its been two years and she is set to graduate NOVA. I have probably contributed $7500 for her tuition which is not a small sum for me.

She wants to transfer for VCU or Mason and tuition alone is 31k per year after the 10k scholarship she recieved.

My mom called and said I need to contribute 10k every semester.

I don't know how to feel.

The math isn't mathing. VCU or Mason are not $41,000 a year in tuition. Are you counting room and board?

A quick google search shows Mason tuition is that much for out of state students. Why do you think an international student would get in-state tuition?

[Anonymous]

Tell your mother it’s not happening. $20k per year do two years? No.

[Anonymous]

What's the rich sister contributing? If she is in a much better situation why isn't she covering a majority of it?

[Anonymous]

Tell your mother no.
She as that childs parent needs to figure that out.
Also that sister w parents who cant afford college needs to stay at that lower cost college.

Both your mother and sister are delusional!

[Anonymous]

It's okay that she asked, especially if your parents paid for your education but not your sibling's. It's also okay for you to say no, or to say yes to a smaller amount.

Also, look into whether there are tax advantages, to you, to putting money in a 529 for your sister.

[Anonymous]

No is a complete sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's okay that she asked, especially if your parents paid for your education but not your sibling's. It's also okay for you to say no, or to say yes to a smaller amount.

Also, look into whether there are tax advantages, to you, to putting money in a 529 for your sister.

I think you can’t do 529s on behalf of a sibling

OP is your sister smart enough to go way, way higher up the college rankings list? If she can get in, top schools do give loans and aid to international students.

[Anonymous]

Tell your mom you can’t do that, then offer her what you can do (e.g. help your sister look for a job)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

Another NP. What PP said was clever but also potentially committing to more than just a big sum twice a year. Saying you’ll take care of it and then doing whatever you want implies getting super invested in finding solutions for your sister, a combination of a cheaper college, more fun aid, a job, a room in your house, etc etc, some reasonable combo that gets the sis the education she wants and keeps OP most of her money.

[Anonymous]

What can the rest of the family contribute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What can the rest of the family contribute?

They are contributing. In my own family, my father sent his 6 nephews and 1 younger brother to college after the death of his father and brother. It was very hard for us because all that money flowed to his family.

But, all branches of my paternal family did very well and today our entire clan is doing well.

[Anonymous]

Figure how much you can afford to contribute, whether that feels good to you, and tell your mother and sister that's your number. Your mom and sister can figure out the difference.

[Anonymous]

Your sister can take out loans. Be strong enough to face the blowback you will get. But you get to have boundaries, financially and otherwise, and if you don't stand up for yourself, then nobody else in the world will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family lives abroad and my father passed away 2 years ago. He never had a financial plan to send my youngest sister to college and as such she was living at home for 3 years after graduating high school since she had no way to begin school.

After my father died, my sister and I paid for this sister to come and enroll at NOVA as an international student. We split the bill for her tuition, and since my sister is rich and has a house, my college aged sister moved in with her and got all her expenses covered.

Now its been two years and she is set to graduate NOVA. I have probably contributed $7500 for her tuition which is not a small sum for me.

She wants to transfer for VCU or Mason and tuition alone is 31k per year after the 10k scholarship she recieved.

My mom called and said I need to contribute 10k every semester.

I don't know how to feel.

Break the immigrant parental nonsense. Your mother doesn’t get to spend your families income. Be clear with her that it’s not hers to give.

For your sister, I would consider talking to the other sister and determining whether you both could give her a no interest or low interest loan. However, with the changes to OPT and H1B there may not be a path for her to stay.

[Anonymous]

Are you married? If so, what does your spouse think? If not, how are you going to handle family demands when you are married? They cause so much stress in my marriage - I had no idea going in how much it would be.