How do you cope if you regret having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced mom, 50/50 custody, 2 kids, 9 and 3. The setup now is a million times better than when I was married, but I still regret having kids (especially having a second).

Most days I feel like I’m just counting down the minutes until they go back to their dads’ and counting down the years until they leave for college. I always feel overwhelmed and like everyone understands this parenting thing except me. I resent that every day is a battle just to get them out the door, that I need to make snacks and drinks a million times a day, that they’re so damn expensive and I’ve watched all my money dwindle away.

I know it’s not their fault, I know I suck as a parent, I know they’re gonna end up with all kinds of problems because of this. But I can’t help that I really, truly regret all of this and just want my easy life back.

I feel the same way, OP. A lot of us do. You are not in this alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe depression

Or PTSD. Divorce is hard.

[Anonymous]

If your kids being around 50% of the time still feels like too much, then I would try an every other weekend approach and see if that works for you.

It could be better for your kids to be at their other parents most of the time and visits with you. They may not be managing well with the 50/50 and need a more stable home base. Having different routines each week might be not working for them and that is why they are so wild with you. It is also better for them to spend more time in a home where they are loved and wanted. I would talk to the other parent to see if they want more custody and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice to see someone being honest about being a parent. It's exhausting and truly miserable at times. I'm a Dad who builds a lot of resentment when I'm unable to do any of the hobbies I enjoy. Id just recommend getting outside as much as you can w them - playgrounds or just long walks wherever... whatever gets you moving your body and breathing fresh air

Couldn’t learn how hard this is with the first one and need to have a second one? Some people are just idiots.

Some people don't know when to stfu

[Anonymous]

Is the Dad mentally healthy and happy and a good parent?

Does he WANT more than fifty fifty custody?

If so, it's fine if you want to give into that. You are not a bad mom if you let the dad have more custody.

I am a stepmom in a situation where the mom was depressed. My husband did not fight her for custody as his attorney told him that was a waste of time, but over the years she slowly gave up more custody, de facto. Now the boys are with us most of the time and they spend the night with her one night a week and have school pick up to nine pm with her another night a week. I think it's better for the boys, honestly.

I say this as someone who grew up with a mom who got really depressed in high school. She was married to my dad but he was pretty absent due to his job. It really affected my psychology to come home to a mom who was depressed. It manifested in her being irritable and critical of me because I was the available punching bag who was there. I think I would have been better off going to boarding school than being around a depressed mom all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice to see someone being honest about being a parent. It's exhausting and truly miserable at times. I'm a Dad who builds a lot of resentment when I'm unable to do any of the hobbies I enjoy. Id just recommend getting outside as much as you can w them - playgrounds or just long walks wherever... whatever gets you moving your body and breathing fresh air

Couldn’t learn how hard this is with the first one and need to have a second one? Some people are just idiots.

Some people don't know when to stop having kids

FIFY

[Anonymous]

OP you are not a "bad parent" you are a person who would have preferred not to have children but is trying to do right by them nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need mental health help. IT IS NOT NORMAL to regret having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need mental health help. IT IS NOT NORMAL to regret having kids.

Of course it is.

OP ignore this shit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give Dad more custody or primary custody.

+1

[Anonymous]

Totally unfair to kids. Poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need mental health help. IT IS NOT NORMAL to regret having kids.

Of course it is. It's something the pro life crowd ignores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the kind words. I was feeling down this morning but feeling better now.

It's been a tough few years. I went from being a SAHM with zero job skills, to divorced making $10/hour, and over the last 3 years managed to build my salary to $80k. Things are still tight, and unfortunately I ended up with quite a bit of credit card debt along the way (which still hangs heavy over me), so money stresses me out and every dollar I see leave hits me hard.

I also had severe PPD after my second child (coupled with depression over my xH cheating and us splitting up), so I've been in survival mode for some time and let SO many things like routines slide. Now it just feels overwhelming trying to build them back up. And everything just has SO much friction, even just getting the kids ready, everyone is running around and not listening.

It sounds like you're doing the work. That is love.

They will get easier and more interesting as they get older. They will be companions rather than all work. Teach both of them to do chores, take care of themselves, do simple cooking, etc. They will like this and respond.

Teach them to do well in school so they will leave to go away to schoo when the time comes.

There are different ways to parent and to be a parent. Someone who is all talk and neglectful may think they're a good parent but they're not. You are voicing the dark part out loud but doing the work.

Keep doing the work and let life evolve. It will.

[Anonymous]

It gets easier, OP. I am married, have no money issues, and only one child but still - the zero to five years were about survival. Just really difficult all of the time. I got through them and so will you. I am sure the kids love you to pieces and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need mental health help. IT IS NOT NORMAL to regret having kids.

It was pretty normal before widely available birth control, ask many older members of my family.

Some people get pressured into having kids and don't realize it's not a good fit for them even today. It's quite possible you will like your kids more as they are OP.