Why don’t parents just cut stand-offish adult children out of their will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s really the most you can do if your adult child doesn’t want to have a relationship with you.

So your adult child doesn't want anything to do with you and to get back at them you cut them off?

That for sure will remove any doubts why they stopped wanting to have a relationship with you. Very mature of you!

This is strange logic. If an adult child doesn't want anything to do with their parent, that should also include wanting nothing to do with the parent's wealth/inheritance. You can't have it both ways. If you cut off your parents, put your entire back into it.

[Anonymous]

Well, normally family money is not just about elderly parents and their adult kids. It's also about their own parents/grandparents inheritance (family money) and about grandchildren/great-grandchildren. Sure, if you earned all your money yourself and adult kids is all you got (no grandchildren), do whatever you please. But don't be this woman who inherits bunch of money from husbands/fathers and then starts to manipulate. That's my mom. She literally made pennies herself, but now sits on a pile of inherited money thinking she's a queen bee.

[Anonymous]

I'm a stand-offish adult kid, especially compared to my siblings. I do visit 1-2x/yr, and I try to facilitate a positive relationship with my kids. But, objectively, my parents weren't good parents. They were emotionally and verbally abusive. They are wealthy and provided me a good education, and they also did facilitate a strong relationship with my grandparents who were wonderful people.

Financially, I don't care if my parents cut me out of their will, but I know my father would never do so. Unlike my siblings, I do not ask for their financial support in my adult life. I would be hurt if they cut me out, as I don't think I've done anything to deserve it. I am more civil to them as an adult than they ever were to me as a kid.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the “put your whole back into it” I have 2 kids that have gone no contact and I’m a decent person and a decent parent, believe what you will. I even facilitate their ability to have a relationship with their father, who makes no effort except where I help him to. They will inherit from him but not me. I will donate their portion to a charity of their choice. That seems fair and doesn’t favor the siblings that do have a relationship with me, which in theory, should allow them to have a sibling relationship without animosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the “put your whole back into it” I have 2 kids that have gone no contact and I’m a decent person and a decent parent, believe what you will. I even facilitate their ability to have a relationship with their father, who makes no effort except where I help him to. They will inherit from him but not me. I will donate their portion to a charity of their choice. That seems fair and doesn’t favor the siblings that do have a relationship with me, which in theory, should allow them to have a sibling relationship without animosity.

so basically you want to punish them from the grave. it would be better if you gave the money to the siblings!

[Anonymous]

My brother needs to do this. He is a multi millionaire, newly retired big house in Florida. He only has one child a daughter. She married a grifter professional student who does not want kids. She locked in on his average looking daughter in college, moved her in to pay 1/2 his rent, then took her newer car dumped his, had her Dad pay a big wedding and talked her out of Catholic mass. Even though her and parents Catholic.

He should change will and make it it goes 100 percent his grandchildren. The grifter needs to know he has to reproduce.

If none goes maybe half his niece and nephew kids and 1/2 to a charity my brother likes but grifter hates.

[Anonymous]

What proportion of adults do you folks think die with any estate plan at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother needs to do this. He is a multi millionaire, newly retired big house in Florida. He only has one child a daughter. She married a grifter professional student who does not want kids. She locked in on his average looking daughter in college, moved her in to pay 1/2 his rent, then took her newer car dumped his, had her Dad pay a big wedding and talked her out of Catholic mass. Even though her and parents Catholic.

He should change will and make it it goes 100 percent his grandchildren. The grifter needs to know he has to reproduce.

If none goes maybe half his niece and nephew kids and 1/2 to a charity my brother likes but grifter hates.

How dare an average-looking woman fall in love, decide she doesn't want a Catholic wedding, and also decide she doesn't want kids. Yep, her dad should definitely cut her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the “put your whole back into it” I have 2 kids that have gone no contact and I’m a decent person and a decent parent, believe what you will. I even facilitate their ability to have a relationship with their father, who makes no effort except where I help him to. They will inherit from him but not me. I will donate their portion to a charity of their choice. That seems fair and doesn’t favor the siblings that do have a relationship with me, which in theory, should allow them to have a sibling relationship without animosity.

so basically you want to punish them from the grave. it would be better if you gave the money to the siblings!

I don't consider it "punishing from the grave" if the parent laid their cards out while they were alive and gave the kids a chance to respond.

[Anonymous]

Cutting a kid out of your will: the final act of your personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

My dad made a big production about notifying a bunch of my relatives that he was cutting me out of the will while we still had a fine relationship.

Now he wonders why I am stand-offish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m transgender and am completely estranged from my parents. When we still talked, they yelled and screamed at me to try to get me to detransition. They hate LGBT people. They were also deeply embarrassed about me transitioning and were ashamed to talk about it with anyone they knew.

There’s absolutely no way I’ll get any money from them when they die. I wouldn’t detransition even if they promised to give me everything. Their money isn’t more important than my happiness.

I'm sure there are some people like this but a lot of lgbtq people use this as an excuse as to why they are no contact. Most people could not care less what orientation their kids or parents are. Not saying this post is untrue but for others I'm saying to not necessarily trust this as a reason. It's highly likely it was something else that caused the estrangement.

I wasn't making up a story, it was literally what happened. I know it might seem like it's less common these days but I know a lot of queer people that are estranged from their family even today. For cisgender LGB people it's less common than it was decades ago but I've met plenty that are still not accepted by their families. For trans people? It's extremely common. I'd say of the people I know, upwards of 90% of them have no relationship or a very poor relationship with their parents. A lot of people do not accept their children when they transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s really the most you can do if your adult child doesn’t want to have a relationship with you.

So your adult child doesn't want anything to do with you and to get back at them you cut them off?

That for sure will remove any doubts why they stopped wanting to have a relationship with you. Very mature of you!

This is strange logic. If an adult child doesn't want anything to do with their parent, that should also include wanting nothing to do with the parent's wealth/inheritance. You can't have it both ways. If you cut off your parents, put your entire back into it.

but usually it’s a much bigger gray area. I am the PP who wrote about how my dad cut me out of his will. At the time he did that, I wasn’t totally estranged or cut off (which was why I was perplexed about it). as best as I can tell it was just (yet another) episode of him using whatever nuclear option was available to try to gain control, as well as a very dysfunctional relationship to money. because there was actually no significant money to leave me anyway.

so his act of cutting me out of his will was what created the definitive estrangement. it wasn’t me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad made a big production about notifying a bunch of my relatives that he was cutting me out of the will while we still had a fine relationship.

Now he wonders why I am stand-offish.

me too!!!

[Anonymous]

The whole obsession over Wills is weird to me. 1) I'm not sitting around waiting for my parents to die 2) I want them to live their best lives and I'm realistic about end of life medical care costs. I'm not expecting any money and I'd much rather have them than their money. Go to Hawaii, mom and dad, take a trip to Ireland. Spend it.