Boy poked DD9 in the chest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell her to slap/hit him the next time he does if, ideally when the teacher is not looking. He is likely old enough to be really embarrassed by a girl smacking him and probably won’t tattle. Even if he does- whatever. She’s 9, there wont be any actual lasting consequences anyway (and teacher and admin are likely to be sympathetic to her, and he will probably get punished as well). Either way he will stop bothering her, so problem solved. Sorry, minor violence IS the answer sometimes. 🤣

So crazy to me that this is seen as fine advice to give a girl, but if a boy retaliates the whole internet says hes a menace, unfixable, males are ruining schools, etc. Why does the girl get to sneakily attack someone and that is a good thing?

I'm not in support of the boy poking her, but also not in support of girls being empowered to hurt others either.

What girl is continually poking a classmate on the privates after he keeps telling her no?

Sorry but a breast is not equivalent to genitals. You are being purposefully hyperbolic to justify maximum outrage.

The boy can poke his own chest, not another girls! I can't believe you pp

[Anonymous]

In our child’s class, in a similar situation, mom gave the girl to clock a boy back just once. Surprising to all, boy and girl became best friends. Long conversations about respect had little impact on him, but witnesses say you could tell his eyes lit up with respect when she punched him. Kids don’t always feel the way we want them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her the next time, she is to grab a handful of shirt with one hand and set to punching him in the face with the other until they pull her off, all the while shouting stop molesting me.

OP here. Lol you sounds like my husband. But I did tell her to raise her voice and say "STOP TOUCHING ME NOW" over and over. She's a rule follower, so this is not her comfort zone, but I told her she has full permission to raise her voice as loud as she needs to.

This is what I told my daughter to do and she's the one who got in trouble.

OP here. She got in trouble for telling the boy to stop touching her?

Should have added more context but there was a boy that was harassing her - both verbally and physically (not sexually, but poking her, pushing her, etc.), and she talked back and yelled at him to stop bothering her, and HE complained about her to his mom who got in touch with the teacher who got in touch with us about her attitude problem. All this because we tried to teach her to stand up for herself before raising it to the teacher. Totally backfired. Lesson learned. Always raise the issue to the teacher first. Always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think the advice to punch or kick another 9 yr old is misplaced anger. She should move away from him immediately and tell an adult, not get into a physical altercation. She isn’t fighting for her life and he is a child too

She is being molested by a 9 year old boy who is old enough to know this is a private area. She is fully justified to let him know with her fist or her knee or both that she is not going to be his target.

I would hardly call that “molesting” that requires a physical attack in retaliation.

He is poking her in the chest. She can remove herself and tell a teacher. That accomplishes the goal of him stopping and him getting consequences. Mom can follow up with administration. Turning this into a physical fight isn’t the answer.

Well if you are teaching your son this isn’t a big deal, I’ll teach my daughter to punch your kid in the face. Deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think the advice to punch or kick another 9 yr old is misplaced anger. She should move away from him immediately and tell an adult, not get into a physical altercation. She isn’t fighting for her life and he is a child too

She is being molested by a 9 year old boy who is old enough to know this is a private area. She is fully justified to let him know with her fist or her knee or both that she is not going to be his target.

I would hardly call that “molesting” that requires a physical attack in retaliation.

He is poking her in the chest. She can remove herself and tell a teacher. That accomplishes the goal of him stopping and him getting consequences. Mom can follow up with administration. Turning this into a physical fight isn’t the answer.

Your special snowflake boy can keep his hands to himself or bear the consequences of someone else not keeping their hands to themselves.

If it wouldn’t be ok for an adult to do it to another adult, it’s not ok for a kid to do it to another kid. That’s what I tell my DD and that’s the explanation I used that finally got school to start holding boys accountable for their physical harassment of girls.

What would all these apologist boy moms do if a man started poking them in line at Starbucks?! I’m guessing they wouldn’t quietly step out of line and tell a manager.

[Anonymous]

OP should take a look at the Title IX complaint regulations for her school district and make sure her description of the behavior tracks the fondling definition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think the advice to punch or kick another 9 yr old is misplaced anger. She should move away from him immediately and tell an adult, not get into a physical altercation. She isn’t fighting for her life and he is a child too

She is being molested by a 9 year old boy who is old enough to know this is a private area. She is fully justified to let him know with her fist or her knee or both that she is not going to be his target.

I would hardly call that “molesting” that requires a physical attack in retaliation.

He is poking her in the chest. She can remove herself and tell a teacher. That accomplishes the goal of him stopping and him getting consequences. Mom can follow up with administration. Turning this into a physical fight isn’t the answer.

Your special snowflake boy can keep his hands to himself or bear the consequences of someone else not keeping their hands to themselves.

If it wouldn’t be ok for an adult to do it to another adult, it’s not ok for a kid to do it to another kid. That’s what I tell my DD and that’s the explanation I used that finally got school to start holding boys accountable for their physical harassment of girls.

What would all these apologist boy moms do if a man started poking them in line at Starbucks?! I’m guessing they wouldn’t quietly step out of line and tell a manager.

Tell the manager? Wtf the manager of Starbucks is some 20 year old who has no power and why would I ever do that?
No I’d leave and may say leave me the f alone. Really calmly and coldly.

Tell the manager. Pfft.We are the adults. We have our own power. We can handle this. You don’t need a “higher authority” to give you permission to say stop to some rando customer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think the advice to punch or kick another 9 yr old is misplaced anger. She should move away from him immediately and tell an adult, not get into a physical altercation. She isn’t fighting for her life and he is a child too

She is being molested by a 9 year old boy who is old enough to know this is a private area. She is fully justified to let him know with her fist or her knee or both that she is not going to be his target.

I would hardly call that “molesting” that requires a physical attack in retaliation.

He is poking her in the chest. She can remove herself and tell a teacher. That accomplishes the goal of him stopping and him getting consequences. Mom can follow up with administration. Turning this into a physical fight isn’t the answer.

Your special snowflake boy can keep his hands to himself or bear the consequences of someone else not keeping their hands to themselves.

If it wouldn’t be ok for an adult to do it to another adult, it’s not ok for a kid to do it to another kid. That’s what I tell my DD and that’s the explanation I used that finally got school to start holding boys accountable for their physical harassment of girls.

What would all these apologist boy moms do if a man started poking them in line at Starbucks?! I’m guessing they wouldn’t quietly step out of line and tell a manager.

They are kids. You can’t compare to adults doing this. “Holding him accountable” doesn’t mean punching, kicking him, etc. Are you animals?

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think the advice to punch or kick another 9 yr old is misplaced anger. She should move away from him immediately and tell an adult, not get into a physical altercation. She isn’t fighting for her life and he is a child too

She is being molested by a 9 year old boy who is old enough to know this is a private area. She is fully justified to let him know with her fist or her knee or both that she is not going to be his target.

I would hardly call that “molesting” that requires a physical attack in retaliation.

He is poking her in the chest. She can remove herself and tell a teacher. That accomplishes the goal of him stopping and him getting consequences. Mom can follow up with administration. Turning this into a physical fight isn’t the answer.

Your special snowflake boy can keep his hands to himself or bear the consequences of someone else not keeping their hands to themselves.

If it wouldn’t be ok for an adult to do it to another adult, it’s not ok for a kid to do it to another kid. That’s what I tell my DD and that’s the explanation I used that finally got school to start holding boys accountable for their physical harassment of girls.

What would all these apologist boy moms do if a man started poking them in line at Starbucks?! I’m guessing they wouldn’t quietly step out of line and tell a manager.

They are kids. You can’t compare to adults doing this. “Holding him accountable” doesn’t mean punching, kicking him, etc. Are you animals?

Wow, do you really think that kids should not have the same bodily autonomy as adults AND that at the same time they should handle physical harassment with mature words and understanding?

The two PPs have illustrated exactly the point that so many parents are trying to get across. These boy parents expect girls to not only peacefully tolerate unwanted touching of their bodies while trying to receive their compulsory education, but they also want them to react to that unwanted touching in a way that in no way disturbs the comfort of the boy who initiates these incidents. Ok then…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think the advice to punch or kick another 9 yr old is misplaced anger. She should move away from him immediately and tell an adult, not get into a physical altercation. She isn’t fighting for her life and he is a child too

She is being molested by a 9 year old boy who is old enough to know this is a private area. She is fully justified to let him know with her fist or her knee or both that she is not going to be his target.

I would hardly call that “molesting” that requires a physical attack in retaliation.

He is poking her in the chest. She can remove herself and tell a teacher. That accomplishes the goal of him stopping and him getting consequences. Mom can follow up with administration. Turning this into a physical fight isn’t the answer.

Your special snowflake boy can keep his hands to himself or bear the consequences of someone else not keeping their hands to themselves.

If it wouldn’t be ok for an adult to do it to another adult, it’s not ok for a kid to do it to another kid. That’s what I tell my DD and that’s the explanation I used that finally got school to start holding boys accountable for their physical harassment of girls.

What would all these apologist boy moms do if a man started poking them in line at Starbucks?! I’m guessing they wouldn’t quietly step out of line and tell a manager.

They are kids. You can’t compare to adults doing this. “Holding him accountable” doesn’t mean punching, kicking him, etc. Are you animals?

Wow, do you really think that kids should not have the same bodily autonomy as adults AND that at the same time they should handle physical harassment with mature words and understanding?

The two PPs have illustrated exactly the point that so many parents are trying to get across. These boy parents expect girls to not only peacefully tolerate unwanted touching of their bodies while trying to receive their compulsory education, but they also want them to react to that unwanted touching in a way that in no way disturbs the comfort of the boy who initiates these incidents. Ok then…

She leaves the line and gets an adult. That is the correct response. Her parents take it up with admin and the kid gets punished accordingly. That is the correct response. Not fighting like an animal in line. What is wrong with you? It’s not “self defense”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think the advice to punch or kick another 9 yr old is misplaced anger. She should move away from him immediately and tell an adult, not get into a physical altercation. She isn’t fighting for her life and he is a child too

She is being molested by a 9 year old boy who is old enough to know this is a private area. She is fully justified to let him know with her fist or her knee or both that she is not going to be his target.

I would hardly call that “molesting” that requires a physical attack in retaliation.

He is poking her in the chest. She can remove herself and tell a teacher. That accomplishes the goal of him stopping and him getting consequences. Mom can follow up with administration. Turning this into a physical fight isn’t the answer.

Your special snowflake boy can keep his hands to himself or bear the consequences of someone else not keeping their hands to themselves.

If it wouldn’t be ok for an adult to do it to another adult, it’s not ok for a kid to do it to another kid. That’s what I tell my DD and that’s the explanation I used that finally got school to start holding boys accountable for their physical harassment of girls.

What would all these apologist boy moms do if a man started poking them in line at Starbucks?! I’m guessing they wouldn’t quietly step out of line and tell a manager.

They are kids. You can’t compare to adults doing this. “Holding him accountable” doesn’t mean punching, kicking him, etc. Are you animals?

Wow, do you really think that kids should not have the same bodily autonomy as adults AND that at the same time they should handle physical harassment with mature words and understanding?

The two PPs have illustrated exactly the point that so many parents are trying to get across. These boy parents expect girls to not only peacefully tolerate unwanted touching of their bodies while trying to receive their compulsory education, but they also want them to react to that unwanted touching in a way that in no way disturbs the comfort of the boy who initiates these incidents. Ok then…

She leaves the line and gets an adult. That is the correct response. Her parents take it up with admin and the kid gets punished accordingly. That is the correct response. Not fighting like an animal in line. What is wrong with you? It’s not “self defense”

Multiple people have said their girls were discouraged from or actively punished for leaving lines to speak up or interrupting class to speak up. Bully boys know this and take advantage of it. PPs on here are suggesting physical retorts in situations where this behavior of boys has been repeatedly ignored by teachers and admin. My own DD was punished multiple times by teachers for speaking up or leaving lines or hallways areas, and worse, was on the receiving end of social consequences from her classmates for speaking up (cornered by other boys so she couldn’t escape when she tried to leave a line, chased and called a tattle by the perpetrator’s friends, ignored by other girls for fear that the boys would turn on them, too). If she’d just hit the boy back, I’m sure it would have been more effective than “just getting out of line”.

[Anonymous]

In kindergarten they had a full day that included a 20 minute nap time. The boy next to my daughter kept poking her and touching her hair. I told the teacher and she moved him away from her.

You need to notify the teacher. No need to be hysterical and threaten the police like some people suggest. The teacher can’t resolve the problem if he doesn’t know about it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs who support girls to stand up for themselves and not allow any unwanted touching … ever!

But, I also have a problem with supporting physical altercations if there is an option to move away and report to a grown up. They are all kids and all still learning about what is appropriate. If “Jimmy” is repeatedly doing this to girls, yes, it requires adequate consequences (doled out by grown ups), just like with any other bullying or assault type of behavior.

To see where I am heading with this, consider the following scenario (actual events slightly modified from what really happened): just for fun, “Susie”, a very tall and physically strong girl grabs “Sam” tiny and not very athletic boy and threatens to punch him, while he repeatedly asks her to stop and let him go. To protect himself and with all his might, “Sam” kicks “Susie” in what you might consider a private spot. Ok or not ok now? Who do you think school went after? What if the genders were reversed? Who would be in trouble and who would you support?

I hope your answer to my first question is “not ok for “Sam” to kick “Susie” with all his might in her private parts”. I have never heard a mom of any boy suggest that if they are cornered by a girl to go and kick her in her private parts. I hope you see the insanity of even thinking about saying something like that. If you wouldn’t tell a boy to do something like that, why would you say it to a girl?

They are 8 or 9 year old kids! Inappropriate behavior should not be excused regardless of gender, but at age 8 or 9 you can hardly say that boys are already acting like some sort of predators. They know (or should know) what is an inappropriate touching and not do it. And if they still go ahead and behave inappropriately, there are plenty of consequences that school has at their disposal to ensure that “Jimmy” never again tries to inappropriately touch another girl. Treating 9 year old boys as some sort of sexually disturbed abusers is just nuts.

[Anonymous]

I’m reminded of the three step approach from another similar discussion.
1. Tell poker to stop. If poker doesn’t stop,
2. Tell adult. If poking doesn’t stop or happens again,
3. pokee has parent’s blessing to strike back, and parent backs kid up.

Best if there’s a paper trail that 1 and 2 happened, but the sad truth is that some of these nitwit bullies respond best to pushback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I think the advice to punch or kick another 9 yr old is misplaced anger. She should move away from him immediately and tell an adult, not get into a physical altercation. She isn’t fighting for her life and he is a child too

She is being molested by a 9 year old boy who is old enough to know this is a private area. She is fully justified to let him know with her fist or her knee or both that she is not going to be his target.

I would hardly call that “molesting” that requires a physical attack in retaliation.

He is poking her in the chest. She can remove herself and tell a teacher. That accomplishes the goal of him stopping and him getting consequences. Mom can follow up with administration. Turning this into a physical fight isn’t the answer.

Your special snowflake boy can keep his hands to himself or bear the consequences of someone else not keeping their hands to themselves.

If it wouldn’t be ok for an adult to do it to another adult, it’s not ok for a kid to do it to another kid. That’s what I tell my DD and that’s the explanation I used that finally got school to start holding boys accountable for their physical harassment of girls.

What would all these apologist boy moms do if a man started poking them in line at Starbucks?! I’m guessing they wouldn’t quietly step out of line and tell a manager.

They are kids. You can’t compare to adults doing this. “Holding him accountable” doesn’t mean punching, kicking him, etc. Are you animals?

Wow, do you really think that kids should not have the same bodily autonomy as adults AND that at the same time they should handle physical harassment with mature words and understanding?

The two PPs have illustrated exactly the point that so many parents are trying to get across. These boy parents expect girls to not only peacefully tolerate unwanted touching of their bodies while trying to receive their compulsory education, but they also want them to react to that unwanted touching in a way that in no way disturbs the comfort of the boy who initiates these incidents. Ok then…

She leaves the line and gets an adult. That is the correct response. Her parents take it up with admin and the kid gets punished accordingly. That is the correct response. Not fighting like an animal in line. What is wrong with you? It’s not “self defense”

I agree. Tell your child that it’s ok to leave the line if someone is touching you or saying inappropriate things. It’s ok to walk out of anything and find the adult.

Poking is not something you call the police about. But now is the time to start teaching kids what to do if someone is being inappropriate.