Boy poked DD9 in the chest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m reminded of the three step approach from another similar discussion.
1. Tell poker to stop. If poker doesn’t stop,
2. Tell adult. If poking doesn’t stop or happens again,
3. pokee has parent’s blessing to strike back, and parent backs kid up.

Best if there’s a paper trail that 1 and 2 happened, but the sad truth is that some of these nitwit bullies respond best to pushback.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pressing charges does absolutely nothing, our child was viciously attacked and punched in fcps middle school and we pressed charges and never heard back from the police. The other student was suspended for a few days but other factors like hone life and ses were in play that they didn't want to do anything, both on the school and police side.

This didn’t happen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PPs who support girls to stand up for themselves and not allow any unwanted touching … ever!

But, I also have a problem with supporting physical altercations if there is an option to move away and report to a grown up. They are all kids and all still learning about what is appropriate. If “Jimmy” is repeatedly doing this to girls, yes, it requires adequate consequences (doled out by grown ups), just like with any other bullying or assault type of behavior.

To see where I am heading with this, consider the following scenario (actual events slightly modified from what really happened): just for fun, “Susie”, a very tall and physically strong girl grabs “Sam” tiny and not very athletic boy and threatens to punch him, while he repeatedly asks her to stop and let him go. To protect himself and with all his might, “Sam” kicks “Susie” in what you might consider a private spot. Ok or not ok now? Who do you think school went after? What if the genders were reversed? Who would be in trouble and who would you support?

I hope your answer to my first question is “not ok for “Sam” to kick “Susie” with all his might in her private parts”. I have never heard a mom of any boy suggest that if they are cornered by a girl to go and kick her in her private parts. I hope you see the insanity of even thinking about saying something like that. If you wouldn’t tell a boy to do something like that, why would you say it to a girl?

They are 8 or 9 year old kids! Inappropriate behavior should not be excused regardless of gender, but at age 8 or 9 you can hardly say that boys are already acting like some sort of predators. They know (or should know) what is an inappropriate touching and not do it. And if they still go ahead and behave inappropriately, there are plenty of consequences that school has at their disposal to ensure that “Jimmy” never again tries to inappropriately touch another girl. Treating 9 year old boys as some sort of sexually disturbed abusers is just nuts.

Finally some sanity. Thank you for your rational and thoughtful post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In kindergarten they had a full day that included a 20 minute nap time. The boy next to my daughter kept poking her and touching her hair. I told the teacher and she moved him away from her.

You need to notify the teacher. No need to be hysterical and threaten the police like some people suggest. The teacher can’t resolve the problem if he doesn’t know about it.

OP here. As I stated in my OP, I notified the principal and teacher. If there wasn't such a huge pattern of tolerated poor behavior at her school, I probably would've left the principal off the email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Id want to know from the principal how it was going to be addressed. If necessary to press charges I would. Schools need to get these kids out of there or a 1:1 support.

OP here. I'm at my wits end with the poorly behaved kids at her school. I'm documenting everything this year. I am not afraid to be a pain in the a$$ if needed. I told DD, any incident with him or another kid in her class, needs to be told to me. I'm especially annoyed because we tried to get her a transfer out of this school and was denied, so now I want a paper trail for everything.

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this and proud of you for staying on it. Do not let anything go! The way DD was treated in unacceptable and you deserve much more than "we'll address it." Don't be afraid of them. Be in their face and take it higher.

What a world that in 2024 they don't do everything they can do protect a young girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her the next time, she is to grab a handful of shirt with one hand and set to punching him in the face with the other until they pull her off, all the while shouting stop molesting me.

OP here. Lol you sounds like my husband. But I did tell her to raise her voice and say "STOP TOUCHING ME NOW" over and over. She's a rule follower, so this is not her comfort zone, but I told her she has full permission to raise her voice as loud as she needs to.

Yes. And roleplay with her. She needs to practice because it's uncomfortable. But this is the best way to get the attention of a nearby adult.

If he doesn't stop, I'd tell her she can punch him in the stomach. When she gets in trouble, you reference the email you already sent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her the next time, she is to grab a handful of shirt with one hand and set to punching him in the face with the other until they pull her off, all the while shouting stop molesting me.

OP here. Lol you sounds like my husband. But I did tell her to raise her voice and say "STOP TOUCHING ME NOW" over and over. She's a rule follower, so this is not her comfort zone, but I told her she has full permission to raise her voice as loud as she needs to.

Yes. And roleplay with her. She needs to practice because it's uncomfortable. But this is the best way to get the attention of a nearby adult.

If he doesn't stop, I'd tell her she can punch him in the stomach. When she gets in trouble, you reference the email you already sent.

So then what happens if this kid punches her back? What ridiculous advice. Violence is not how we handle things in a civilized society. Especially disproportionate violence. Being poked is not the same as being punched or kicked. SMH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her the next time, she is to grab a handful of shirt with one hand and set to punching him in the face with the other until they pull her off, all the while shouting stop molesting me.

OP here. Lol you sounds like my husband. But I did tell her to raise her voice and say "STOP TOUCHING ME NOW" over and over. She's a rule follower, so this is not her comfort zone, but I told her she has full permission to raise her voice as loud as she needs to.

Yes. And roleplay with her. She needs to practice because it's uncomfortable. But this is the best way to get the attention of a nearby adult.

If he doesn't stop, I'd tell her she can punch him in the stomach. When she gets in trouble, you reference the email you already sent.

So then what happens if this kid punches her back? What ridiculous advice. Violence is not how we handle things in a civilized society. Especially disproportionate violence. Being poked is not the same as being punched or kicked. SMH

Boy pokes girl repeatedly in nipple
Girl says stop
Boy doesn't stop
Girl sobs
Boy does it again
Girl defends herself physically

Your take: How terrible we are encouraging this girl to resort to violence! How dare she!

GMAFB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her the next time, she is to grab a handful of shirt with one hand and set to punching him in the face with the other until they pull her off, all the while shouting stop molesting me.

OP here. Lol you sounds like my husband. But I did tell her to raise her voice and say "STOP TOUCHING ME NOW" over and over. She's a rule follower, so this is not her comfort zone, but I told her she has full permission to raise her voice as loud as she needs to.

Yes. And roleplay with her. She needs to practice because it's uncomfortable. But this is the best way to get the attention of a nearby adult.

If he doesn't stop, I'd tell her she can punch him in the stomach. When she gets in trouble, you reference the email you already sent.

So then what happens if this kid punches her back? What ridiculous advice. Violence is not how we handle things in a civilized society. Especially disproportionate violence. Being poked is not the same as being punched or kicked. SMH

Boy pokes girl repeatedly in nipple
Girl says stop
Boy doesn't stop
Girl sobs
Boy does it again
Girl defends herself physically

Your take: How terrible we are encouraging this girl to resort to violence! How dare she!

GMAFB

Shhh, you’ll hurt the boy moms’ feelings.

[Anonymous]

I think if the child is 12 years old and under, they are essentially immune from any type of police action from parents 'pressing charges' in Virginia. Kids who cause a lot of 'trouble' in school with simple assaults and threats can be expelled for a short while and even moved to a different classroom (but not all the time). Parents only options are to repeatedly make inquiries to the school and the school board and ultimately it's the victims families who have to make a decision to withdraw their own child from that school.

While folks like to say, 'press charges' the reality is, no actual charges will be brought forward for 12 year old and younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if the child is 12 years old and under, they are essentially immune from any type of police action from parents 'pressing charges' in Virginia. Kids who cause a lot of 'trouble' in school with simple assaults and threats can be expelled for a short while and even moved to a different classroom (but not all the time). Parents only options are to repeatedly make inquiries to the school and the school board and ultimately it's the victims families who have to make a decision to withdraw their own child from that school.

While folks like to say, 'press charges' the reality is, no actual charges will be brought forward for 12 year old and younger.

+1 anyone remember the slenderman stabbings? the 12 yo perps were not found guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if the child is 12 years old and under, they are essentially immune from any type of police action from parents 'pressing charges' in Virginia. Kids who cause a lot of 'trouble' in school with simple assaults and threats can be expelled for a short while and even moved to a different classroom (but not all the time). Parents only options are to repeatedly make inquiries to the school and the school board and ultimately it's the victims families who have to make a decision to withdraw their own child from that school.

While folks like to say, 'press charges' the reality is, no actual charges will be brought forward for 12 year old and younger.

I think only one person said to press charges. The rest are saying that if adults are not protecting her (and they have been notified already, so everyone acting like "tell the teacher" is new advice is just avoiding the issue), then it's not some kind of vigilanteism for this girl to defend herself from physical assault with a physical retaliation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her the next time, she is to grab a handful of shirt with one hand and set to punching him in the face with the other until they pull her off, all the while shouting stop molesting me.

OP here. Lol you sounds like my husband. But I did tell her to raise her voice and say "STOP TOUCHING ME NOW" over and over. She's a rule follower, so this is not her comfort zone, but I told her she has full permission to raise her voice as loud as she needs to.

Yes. And roleplay with her. She needs to practice because it's uncomfortable. But this is the best way to get the attention of a nearby adult.

If he doesn't stop, I'd tell her she can punch him in the stomach. When she gets in trouble, you reference the email you already sent.

So then what happens if this kid punches her back? What ridiculous advice. Violence is not how we handle things in a civilized society. Especially disproportionate violence. Being poked is not the same as being punched or kicked. SMH

Boy pokes girl repeatedly in nipple
Girl says stop
Boy doesn't stop
Girl sobs
Boy does it again
Girl defends herself physically

Your take: How terrible we are encouraging this girl to resort to violence! How dare she!

GMAFB

Shhh, you’ll hurt the boy moms’ feelings.

Right? I'm not kidding that a #boymom complained to the teacher about my daughter yelling at him last year. She was yelling at him because he kept distracting her and taking her things off her desk. The teacher was aware and told the #boymom who basically said there's no way her son would ever do this, my daughter must have done something to provoke him.

[Anonymous]

OP taught her daughter that she can't trust her mother to keep her secrets. That's worse that one tween getting handsy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP taught her daughter that she can't trust her mother to keep her secrets. That's worse that one tween getting handsy.

You must not be a parent. Or you're a crappy one.