This is tough....

[Anonymous]

I think this is less about having a child at your current age and more about the two children you already have and how they would be impacted. There are multiple threads about blended families and most of them are now it’s a negative experience for the original kids. How do your current kids feel about your girlfriend in general? She’s pretty young to have step kids that age. How would she be with them if you two had a new baby of your own? Those are the things that I think are most important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...I have wrestled with the same questions you guys are raising. This is also discouraging because at our age it's already difficult to find a lifelong partner...

Can you afford more kids without taking away from your existing ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would be 70 when they graduate college.

Your kids will feel replaced.

Baby would be at higher risk for genetic problems (make sure to see a good genetic counselor. This is a serious issue. My friend has many difficulties, unlike his much older siblings, because his parents accidentally had him when they were older).

I wouldn't worry about now as much as later. I have a friend who was just widowed. Her husband was a divorced older man with one grown child. They had two kids together. He died of cancer during the younger child's senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would be 70 when they graduate college.

Your kids will feel replaced.

Baby would be at higher risk for genetic problems (make sure to see a good genetic counselor. This is a serious issue. My friend has many difficulties, unlike his much older siblings, because his parents accidentally had him when they were older).

Agree but men in similar positions to OP’s will just make more kids with a younger woman. Nobody wins.

I feel bad for everyone involved—the original kids and the gf and any hypothetical/future kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

I’m the guy who started this thread https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211836.page

Don’t listen to the overwhelming negative responses here. Do your own research and know yourself. Talk to your partner. Understand the risks the pros and cons and make a joint decision.

There are plenty of great first time dads 50+ who raise healthy children.

The women of dcum is *not* who you want to seek advice from. Talk to friends family therapist doctors professionals who don’t have an inherent bias against middle age men who want kids.

I made a very transparent and straightforward OLD profile putting out what I’m looking for and believe it or not I got more matches and great conversations from high quality beautiful educated and professional women in the past one week than in the past 6mo of OLD having a generic profile that didn’t specify exactly what I’m looking for. 3 more dates scheduled for the weekend and also had one last night with a mid 30s beautiful single mom dentist who wants one more.

If you’ve been a great dad first time around you will be better dad second time around.

I’m going to be 50 soon but my overall health and energy is very much on par with my late 30s/40s it’s important to stay healthy because as you know the little ones will tire you out. And you don’t want to be that dad who puts it all on the mom and disconnects from his responsibilities. If you feel your health is good know that you have a solid 20-25yrs of life, healthy life if you take care of yourself. which is plenty to raise another kid.

I'm a woman, and heartily agree with this guy. Most posters on DCUM seem to be reflexively against men who want a second family after divorce. They seem to believe the children of the first marriage will be automatically traumatized (well with that attitude, yes!). But they also sneer at women who get married early and have kids young (as in, a biologically healthy age). Basically on DCUM you're doing it wrong if you're not advancing your education and career in your 20s, getting married in your 30s, enjoying a few years of childfree life together, then having kids at 35 exactly, and stop having kids at 40 exactly. After which you need to shut down the baby factory by law. And the man cannot be more than 5 years older than the woman, and they need to have reasonably similar backgrounds and income otherwise they're doomed.

Garbage. I and so many other people are living proof that you can do things differently and be successful and happy.

OP, beyond assessing your health, consider your finances and that of your ex and potential fiancee. Money is the most important predictor of happiness when you have dependents, because a lot of the stressors can be outsourced. If you lead a healthy life, don't have a genetic sword of Damocles hanging over your head from your parents, and are lucky enough to be financially stable... then why wouldn't you have a second family if you want one?

You only have one life. Make the most of it.

Typical selfish American. Not thinking of the current and would-be kids. It’s all only about your happiness.

+1.

+2. “Why wouldn’t you have a second family if you want one” is one of the more astoundingly tone deaf, me-centric, male-centered things that could be written. And yes PP, I’m aware you are a woman.

- Adult whose Dad is on his third family and it has caused absolute life-long issues for 2 generations, and we are now dealing with my 2nd step-mom’s take-over of his estate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so classic .... Why women never make that mistake? Brother don't do it

A woman I know did just that and she's not the only one. She wanted the anchor baby with the new husband even though she had a 12 and 14 year old. The new husband wasn't totally on board, though he loves the baby now, even though he's not doing an equal share of the care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

I’m the guy who started this thread https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211836.page

Don’t listen to the overwhelming negative responses here. Do your own research and know yourself. Talk to your partner. Understand the risks the pros and cons and make a joint decision.

There are plenty of great first time dads 50+ who raise healthy children.

The women of dcum is *not* who you want to seek advice from. Talk to friends family therapist doctors professionals who don’t have an inherent bias against middle age men who want kids.

I made a very transparent and straightforward OLD profile putting out what I’m looking for and believe it or not I got more matches and great conversations from high quality beautiful educated and professional women in the past one week than in the past 6mo of OLD having a generic profile that didn’t specify exactly what I’m looking for. 3 more dates scheduled for the weekend and also had one last night with a mid 30s beautiful single mom dentist who wants one more.

If you’ve been a great dad first time around you will be better dad second time around.

I’m going to be 50 soon but my overall health and energy is very much on par with my late 30s/40s it’s important to stay healthy because as you know the little ones will tire you out. And you don’t want to be that dad who puts it all on the mom and disconnects from his responsibilities. If you feel your health is good know that you have a solid 20-25yrs of life, healthy life if you take care of yourself. which is plenty to raise another kid.

Look at that. Women like vulnerable men who share what they are thinking and feeling. Exactly like they say they do. Who knew?

I’m skeptical that that guy’s profile contained all the same train-wreck ideas he posted here.

It probably did. Maybe you wouldn’t like this guy, but I’m sure there are women who do. No one likes the guy who is vague and stoic.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the comments but wanted to point out the math. Baby at 50= high school graduation at 68 and college at 72. My dad passed away at 73. To each their own but I personally want to have some time in retirement to live the easy life while I can.

[Anonymous]

also discouraging because at our age it's already difficult to find a lifelong partner...

Op, you're selfish. Let this woman go.

[Anonymous]

You're wasting her precious time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

Ok I’m the woman from the other post about marrying older. She wants kids so she’s happy she found you and you are responsible. Hard to find.

You want to have kids with her because you find her hot and she’s younger. Funny how many change their minds for youth.

It can be done. You’ll be the whatever dad you were with some more experience. But blending families is hard. That’s going to be your issue. It’s not what it’s cut out to be. Kids will be jealous and she will want you to prioritize your kids together over your others. Expect lots of fights. She might say she doesn’t, but trust it will happen.

[Anonymous]

I also think you shouldn’t have kids with her but something tells me you will lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough.....I met a woman a few months ago and she is amazing and a catch....here is the issue I know she wants to get married one day and have at least a child. I have been divorced for 2 years and I am 46 and have 2 kids aged 12 and 14. My girlfriend is 34. I thought I was done with marriage and kids .....but for my current GF I would change my mind....But then reality hit...Can I be a good dad st 50 like I was with my first kids? It's tough to say.....Or maybe I am attracted to her fertility so much so that find myself playing with little kids again like the first time I was a dad

I’m the guy who started this thread https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211836.page

Don’t listen to the overwhelming negative responses here. Do your own research and know yourself. Talk to your partner. Understand the risks the pros and cons and make a joint decision.

There are plenty of great first time dads 50+ who raise healthy children.

The women of dcum is *not* who you want to seek advice from. Talk to friends family therapist doctors professionals who don’t have an inherent bias against middle age men who want kids.

I made a very transparent and straightforward OLD profile putting out what I’m looking for and believe it or not I got more matches and great conversations from high quality beautiful educated and professional women in the past one week than in the past 6mo of OLD having a generic profile that didn’t specify exactly what I’m looking for. 3 more dates scheduled for the weekend and also had one last night with a mid 30s beautiful single mom dentist who wants one more.

If you’ve been a great dad first time around you will be better dad second time around.

I’m going to be 50 soon but my overall health and energy is very much on par with my late 30s/40s it’s important to stay healthy because as you know the little ones will tire you out. And you don’t want to be that dad who puts it all on the mom and disconnects from his responsibilities. If you feel your health is good know that you have a solid 20-25yrs of life, healthy life if you take care of yourself. which is plenty to raise another kid.

I'm a woman, and heartily agree with this guy. Most posters on DCUM seem to be reflexively against men who want a second family after divorce. They seem to believe the children of the first marriage will be automatically traumatized (well with that attitude, yes!). But they also sneer at women who get married early and have kids young (as in, a biologically healthy age). Basically on DCUM you're doing it wrong if you're not advancing your education and career in your 20s, getting married in your 30s, enjoying a few years of childfree life together, then having kids at 35 exactly, and stop having kids at 40 exactly. After which you need to shut down the baby factory by law. And the man cannot be more than 5 years older than the woman, and they need to have reasonably similar backgrounds and income otherwise they're doomed.

Garbage. I and so many other people are living proof that you can do things differently and be successful and happy.

OP, beyond assessing your health, consider your finances and that of your ex and potential fiancee. Money is the most important predictor of happiness when you have dependents, because a lot of the stressors can be outsourced. If you lead a healthy life, don't have a genetic sword of Damocles hanging over your head from your parents, and are lucky enough to be financially stable... then why wouldn't you have a second family if you want one?

You only have one life. Make the most of it.

Typical selfish American. Not thinking of the current and would-be kids. It’s all only about your happiness.

I'm French. I am not surprised people are attacking me. As I said, there is room for only one righteous way of life according to this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re crazy to consider this because there are numerous problems with men being over 40 let alone your age. It drastically increases the risk of autism and schizophrenia.

I’m a 46-year-old woman and would never consider having another kid. Think about how that would impact the children you already have as well. Just no.

She’s only 34; she can find a man for under 40.

Is that you again, Katie?

[Anonymous]

Good lord I think it’s nuts and consider the impact it will have on your kids. I had an older dad when it was not trendy like it is now and it sucked.