when does being "the smart one" stop being a social liability?

[Anonymous]

Yeaaap yessir, I went to Harvard. Being smart is great. I don't come off as smart. In fact, I downplay how smart I am quite a bit. I bet you couldn't even tell I was smart from this post, until I pointed it out to you, that's how smart I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's different for boys but my DD13 is one of the top students, if not the top. If she isn't, people generally think she is. This is not a school with lots of impressive, striving kids. She does well socially. She is also involved in several extracurriculars. Maybe that helps.

I would hesitate to label his social issues as a result of his intelligence. Think about what else it could be. How does he act? How does he treat others? My kid is far from perfect, but she's easy to get along with and very confident. If someone comes up to her and says, x is mad at you or y has a crush on you, or whatever. She's basically like, cool. She doesn't feed into any drama. Consider how your son might be interacting.

I wouldn't say the social issues are his. He's funny and fits in well from what we can see and what his teacher claims. But he's got a thin skin, for sure, and a lot of stories he relates to us are more teasing than bullying, imo. So, what I'm really wondering is when the teasing ends and everyone will leave him alone.

The teasing ends when he stops reacting so satisfyingly to it. They are teasing him because he has a thin skin and they get a big reaction, not because he is smart. If he weren’t they would tease him about something else.

[Anonymous]

Threads like this are so depressing. So many horrible people blaming the OP's child AND using this as a chance to brag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's different for boys but my DD13 is one of the top students, if not the top. If she isn't, people generally think she is. This is not a school with lots of impressive, striving kids. She does well socially. She is also involved in several extracurriculars. Maybe that helps.

I would hesitate to label his social issues as a result of his intelligence. Think about what else it could be. How does he act? How does he treat others? My kid is far from perfect, but she's easy to get along with and very confident. If someone comes up to her and says, x is mad at you or y has a crush on you, or whatever. She's basically like, cool. She doesn't feed into any drama. Consider how your son might be interacting.

I wouldn't say the social issues are his. He's funny and fits in well from what we can see and what his teacher claims. But he's got a thin skin, for sure, and a lot of stories he relates to us are more teasing than bullying, imo. So, what I'm really wondering is when the teasing ends and everyone will leave him alone.

The teasing ends when he stops reacting so satisfyingly to it. They are teasing him because he has a thin skin and they get a big reaction, not because he is smart. If he weren’t they would tease him about something else.

I think this is it OP. Ignore all the ridiculous weirdos on this thread telling you your kid has ASD or something. Kids in middle school are looking for a reaction. He needs to work on not giving it to them and they will move on. Some people are more sensitive than others (which isn't always a bad thing) and the bullies will sniff it out every time.

[Anonymous]

You're just insecure. I have a hard time finding my intellectual equal. That's why I have kids, who are also very smart. I think it's important to downplay how smart you are, but also let other smart people know that you're around, because the rest of you are just so tiresome to talk to all the time. That's why I wear my Harvard shirt to the playground. Every time. To the gym. To pickup the kids. Just letting other smart people know where to find me.

[Anonymous]

It depends on where you live. A friend of mine taught middle school in a rural, blue collar area. The kids made fun of her for being smart! It may be better if you move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the kid learns to carry it gracefully and not annoy others. It’s a social skills issue for the kid.

If they are looking over his shoulder, he is clearly not annoying anyone with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on where you live. A friend of mine taught middle school in a rural, blue collar area. The kids made fun of her for being smart! It may be better if you move.

In my school in the 90’s I was definitely the smart one when it wasn’t cool. I was also shy, so that didn’t help. I think it really depends on the environment, but in the DC area schools it’s usually not a liability.

Even now as an adult I feel like such a nerd and it’s hard not to let that show (I just like nerdy things).

[Anonymous]

We live in NY and the smart kids are cool here. Everyone wants to make high honor roll, score high on NYSMA, win at the Intel science competition, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're just insecure. I have a hard time finding my intellectual equal. That's why I have kids, who are also very smart. I think it's important to downplay how smart you are, but also let other smart people know that you're around, because the rest of you are just so tiresome to talk to all the time. That's why I wear my Harvard shirt to the playground. Every time. To the gym. To pickup the kids. Just letting other smart people know where to find me.

Hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My WISC score was 142 according to my parents. I always had the highest grades in es. No one ever made fun of me for it.

I’m not saying no one made fun of your son for it, but I would guess that there is something else going on—most likely social skills that are not at par. But it could be anything.

OMG!

Stop with the brags about yourself and telling OP that her kid is the problem.

To the OP: stop looking for advice here. These threads draw the insecure moms of the insecure mean kids of the type who would make fun of your kid in middle school for getting good grades. Hopefully, at least some kids will grow up by high school.

Her kid is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this are so depressing. So many horrible people blaming the OP's child AND using this as a chance to brag.

People aren’t bragging. They are providing context. Stop being so insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My WISC score was 142 according to my parents. I always had the highest grades in es. No one ever made fun of me for it.

I’m not saying no one made fun of your son for it, but I would guess that there is something else going on—most likely social skills that are not at par. But it could be anything.

OMG!

Stop with the brags about yourself and telling OP that her kid is the problem.

To the OP: stop looking for advice here. These threads draw the insecure moms of the insecure mean kids of the type who would make fun of your kid in middle school for getting good grades. Hopefully, at least some kids will grow up by high school.

Her kid is the problem.

No, your brats are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My WISC score was 142 according to my parents. I always had the highest grades in es. No one ever made fun of me for it.

I’m not saying no one made fun of your son for it, but I would guess that there is something else going on—most likely social skills that are not at par. But it could be anything.

OMG!

Stop with the brags about yourself and telling OP that her kid is the problem.

To the OP: stop looking for advice here. These threads draw the insecure moms of the insecure mean kids of the type who would make fun of your kid in middle school for getting good grades. Hopefully, at least some kids will grow up by high school.

Her kid is the problem.

He sounds like he's out of his natural environment.

I grew up in a similar environment. I tried to make sure my kids would go to school in a different environment and it worked for them.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, this sounds like your school's culture. I have one very bright kid who had to be bussed to the high school in 8th grade for 2 of his classes. He was never made fun of, most kids were actually really curious and always have wanted his help. He started tutoring in Math in 9th grade and now as a senior, makes $40hr for SAT/AP test prep along with tutoring for Calc AB/BC. He has a ton of friends and his intelligence makes him stand out in a good way. However, his school has a lot of high achieving kids and our school culture celebrates success. Our high school has someting referred to the "nerd wall" next to all the athletic awards that celebrats kids academic achievements (think NMSF, match competition winners, DECA winners, ect...) and it a huge deal to make the "nerd wall".