when does being "the smart one" stop being a social liability?

[Anonymous]

Why do you live where you live, OP?
Job? Family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you live where you live, OP?
Job? Family?

DH's job. We're moving next summer (fingers crossed back to the DMV). DS will mostly like be in public if/when we return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being smart is not a liability. It is how you carry yourself. For boys, athleticism often has the most social capital. I have one boy in middle and high school. We live in an area with a well educated population so many parents from top universities. No one is teasing anyone for being smart. The most popular boys are often rich, good looking, athletic and also smart.

This is part of the issue - he plays golf and swims, though neither are school sports. His classmates all play football and make fun of him for not doing so.

But we do not live in a highly educated area anymore.

You move to Texas? Lol.

Maybe he loves those things but maybe you need to help him diversify his activities away from all the preppy stuff. I doubt it's just his 'smarts' but the whole package.

I went to college with a competitive tennis player from Texas who said tennis was such a big deal in his town it was like Friday Night Lights! Everyone cared about it. I'm sure they cared about football, too. The town was probably obsessed with all sports.

I realize this is an irrelevant comment but just wanted to share that weird nugget!

[Anonymous]

We have always been the nerdy "smart ones" in class in the family (DH, myself and two kids), and no one ever teased or bullied us for it. Heck, I was even the teacher's pet several years running and it didn't matter to anyone in that class.

Are you sure there isn't something else going on, like ASD tendencies? My kid with autism was bullied a couple of times in elementary school, for that, not for his knowledge or achievements. The school dealt with it when I brought it to their attention. Meanwhile, I worked with my kid on his social skills.

[Anonymous]

Cultivate online connections with friends who are a better class of people, from your former or future home town. This is a case where I'd endorse online video gaming.

[Anonymous]

Does your school do retakes?

Intentionally throw the first attempt, and fix it in retake.

Tell the teacher it's intentional because of school violations of educational privacy.

[Anonymous]

Even if he's changed his behavior (and I'm sorry he's had to) he may have a reputation that's hard to shake. He may need a fresh start at a new school.

I agree that kids will make fun of anything though. I'm sorry he's been targeted. Once targeted, it doesn't really matter what the "issue" us, they will find something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the intelligence, it’s something else. In a school with more smart kids it probably wouldn’t happen. Or he might be bragging or talking too much in class.

He stopped talking two years ago and has made great social strides since then. They're literally looking over his shoulder and seeing his grades when tests/homework are returned.

If they are actually bullying him, then they’d bully him for any reason and they’re just picking this. You should talk to the school.

Also consider whether he is overly sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Kids tease him about his good grades and not playing football. Your child sounds very sensitive, but I would investigate further. Speak to your school counselor or teachers to figure out the classroom dynamics? In other words, what are they seeing?

[Anonymous]

At our school, the queen bees have the shortest shorts and the witchiest resting faces.

[Anonymous]

Never has been for either of my kids. My oldest is crazy smart and a bit quirky. The quirkiness caused some issues, and when he was really little he just could not find many other kids that relatable. His interests were not typical as a preschooler, early elementary schooler. But even starting in K, 1st, kids seemed to like that he was smart. Certainly by 11, his intellect was an asset socially. And DD is really smart and has just always been really well liked, never any social issues at all.

[Anonymous]

The smart kids where it is a social liability in my DD's middle school are the ones who constantly complain when they are doing a group project about their fellow group members; can't resist saying how fast they read and ask why other kids can't keep up; look down on other middle schoolers for, say, shopping at Sephora when they could be reading Edgar Allen Poe. These are a few examples I've witnessed personally with these kids saying to my kid in the car. My kid is also smart - she's on a national quiz bowl team with these kids - but aware enough to know that no one cares how fast she is reading.

Also my DH and I went to top colleges, ivy grad school, etc and tell her all the time that just because someone is good at standardized tests or school comes easy isn't a reason to take a morally superior stance. Another way of saying this is my kid is no better or worse than a kid who works harder at school.

What are you telescoping at home about his intellect?

[Anonymous]

What a bunch of smug women you all are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being smart is not a liability. It is how you carry yourself. For boys, athleticism often has the most social capital. I have one boy in middle and high school. We live in an area with a well educated population so many parents from top universities. No one is teasing anyone for being smart. The most popular boys are often rich, good looking, athletic and also smart.

This is part of the issue - he plays golf and swims, though neither are school sports. His classmates all play football and make fun of him for not doing so.

But we do not live in a highly educated area anymore.

Swimming is not an uncool sport. If he did it at school though it'd make things a lot easier in terms of school integration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being smart is not a liability. It is how you carry yourself. For boys, athleticism often has the most social capital. I have one boy in middle and high school. We live in an area with a well educated population so many parents from top universities. No one is teasing anyone for being smart. The most popular boys are often rich, good looking, athletic and also smart.

This is part of the issue - he plays golf and swims, though neither are school sports. His classmates all play football and make fun of him for not doing so.

But we do not live in a highly educated area anymore.

Swimming is not an uncool sport. If he did it at school though it'd make things a lot easier in terms of school integration.

Our local neighborhood pool is the place to be. My kids don’t swim but lots of kids hang out in the summer.