when does being "the smart one" stop being a social liability?

[Anonymous]

I think middle schoolers will fixate on making fun of whatever. It gets better in high school. My son is smart (skipped a grade), but you wouldn't necessarily know if you just talked to him. He seems like a pretty typical teen. He does get teased some due to being short (even for his actual age), though. If it's not one thing, it'll be another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being smart is never a liability. It is how well you get along with others.

I have a very smart athletic introvert. He is humble and never brags about anything. He has always had a great group of smart friends.

BIL was valedictorian of his school and then graduated top of his class for undergrad and med school. He is and has alway been a know it all and socially awkward. I don’t think he has a lot of friends. Even to his nieces and nephews, he has an obnoxious know it all attitude. DH always tells him to tone it down. BIL is smart, attractive and earns millions and can’t seem to date well either.

My point is your child being smart should never be a liability. I was a shy smart kid. I never had problems making friends. I ended up at Harvard. I’m not sure I come off smart. I have always downplayed how smart I was.

Your BIL is your BIL and your bizarre vignette and the fact that you attended Harvard (do you include this nugget in everything you post?) has nothing to do with this discussion or the absolutely ridiculous ways middle schoolers treat each other.

I'm so sick of parents on here who always blame the kid being teased and intimate they must be in some way deserving of the bad treatment. NO ONE deserves to be treated poorly, not even socially awkward kids, and in middle school, kids get on each other about everything.

[Anonymous]

Never act (or think) you are the smartest person in the room, even if you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being smart is not a liability. It is how you carry yourself. For boys, athleticism often has the most social capital. I have one boy in middle and high school. We live in an area with a well educated population so many parents from top universities. No one is teasing anyone for being smart. The most popular boys are often rich, good looking, athletic and also smart.

This is part of the issue - he plays golf and swims, though neither are school sports. His classmates all play football and make fun of him for not doing so.

But we do not live in a highly educated area anymore.

Swimming is not an uncool sport. If he did it at school though it'd make things a lot easier in terms of school integration.

I agree, but they do not have a school team until hs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of smug women you all are.

The responses to this thread are horrifying. Middle school is awful and kids make fun of each other for everything and nothing.

But we can see from this thread that many people never mature past that stage. For crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

My WISC score was 142 according to my parents. I always had the highest grades in es. No one ever made fun of me for it.

I’m not saying no one made fun of your son for it, but I would guess that there is something else going on—most likely social skills that are not at par. But it could be anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of smug women you all are.

The responses to this thread are horrifying. Middle school is awful and kids make fun of each other for everything and nothing.

But we can see from this thread that many people never mature past that stage. For crying out loud.

+2

I’m always amazed by how many bullies show up to blame the victim!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never has been for either of my kids. My oldest is crazy smart and a bit quirky. The quirkiness caused some issues, and when he was really little he just could not find many other kids that relatable. His interests were not typical as a preschooler, early elementary schooler. But even starting in K, 1st, kids seemed to like that he was smart. Certainly by 11, his intellect was an asset socially. And DD is really smart and has just always been really well liked, never any social issues at all.

No one cares, Jan.

What is with all the parents whose response is to brag about their own kids? What is wrong with you people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the intelligence, it’s something else. In a school with more smart kids it probably wouldn’t happen. Or he might be bragging or talking too much in class.

True. At my kids' rigorous private, the smartest kids were also the queen bees, exclusive kids who everyone wanted to hang out with. Smart alone is not, and never has been, a "social liability."

Yeah this. It isn't intelligence, it's something else. My brother and I were equally top-of-the-class NMSF smart, he has a hard time socially and I was a social butterfly. Maybe it helped that I genuinely liked my classmates and enjoyed goofing off with them and was never, ever a "know it all."

[Anonymous]

When you put him in a better peer group. Selective school, public or private. Where being smart is normal and cool. If he still gets made fun if it's because he's awkward and bragging about being smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My WISC score was 142 according to my parents. I always had the highest grades in es. No one ever made fun of me for it.

I’m not saying no one made fun of your son for it, but I would guess that there is something else going on—most likely social skills that are not at par. But it could be anything.

OMG!

Stop with the brags about yourself and telling OP that her kid is the problem.

To the OP: stop looking for advice here. These threads draw the insecure moms of the insecure mean kids of the type who would make fun of your kid in middle school for getting good grades. Hopefully, at least some kids will grow up by high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of smug women you all are.

The responses to this thread are horrifying. Middle school is awful and kids make fun of each other for everything and nothing.

But we can see from this thread that many people never mature past that stage. For crying out loud.

+2

I’m always amazed by how many bullies show up to blame the victim!

Bullying is ok if the victim is socially awkward and asked for it by answering too many questions in class, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the intelligence, it’s something else. In a school with more smart kids it probably wouldn’t happen. Or he might be bragging or talking too much in class.

True. At my kids' rigorous private, the smartest kids were also the queen bees, exclusive kids who everyone wanted to hang out with. Smart alone is not, and never has been, a "social liability."

+1

[Anonymous]

When the kid learns to carry it gracefully and not annoy others. It’s a social skills issue for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My WISC score was 142 according to my parents. I always had the highest grades in es. No one ever made fun of me for it.

I’m not saying no one made fun of your son for it, but I would guess that there is something else going on—most likely social skills that are not at par. But it could be anything.

OMG!

Stop with the brags about yourself and telling OP that her kid is the problem.

To the OP: stop looking for advice here. These threads draw the insecure moms of the insecure mean kids of the type who would make fun of your kid in middle school for getting good grades. Hopefully, at least some kids will grow up by high school.

[phone]