when does being "the smart one" stop being a social liability?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents saying that being smart has never been a social liability have ZERO experience in a school where success in school is not valued by the majority of the school population. This was certainly the case during my schooling. It was socially encouraged not to “try” in class. To try or to be smart was being a swot, stuck up or a teachers pet. I learned to lie about my grades and the amount of time I’d spent on homework. I’d tell my peers I’d failed a test or got low marks on an assignment so that I was more socially accepted. In a school where kids don’t value success it is ABSOLUTELY a social liability to be smart.

Fortunately my kids have not experienced this and are both in very academically focused programs where doing well is socially encouraged and rewarded.

NP, I don't doubt that these environments exist. I am puzzled that educated parents would put their academically smart willingly into one.

He's already in private. We were told it was the best local school. What else were we to do? We didn't know the culture was like this, by the way - I assumed it didn't matter in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents saying that being smart has never been a social liability have ZERO experience in a school where success in school is not valued by the majority of the school population. This was certainly the case during my schooling. It was socially encouraged not to “try” in class. To try or to be smart was being a swot, stuck up or a teachers pet. I learned to lie about my grades and the amount of time I’d spent on homework. I’d tell my peers I’d failed a test or got low marks on an assignment so that I was more socially accepted. In a school where kids don’t value success it is ABSOLUTELY a social liability to be smart.

Fortunately my kids have not experienced this and are both in very academically focused programs where doing well is socially encouraged and rewarded.

I went to a blue collar school where it wasn’t necessarily an asset—but I wasn’t teased for it either (or only affectionately by friends). Some of it is learning to own your differences and becoming less fun to tease.

I definitely agree with your last sentence. But how?

[Anonymous]

It’s not that he’s smart tons of kids are smart, it’s that he has a low EQ.

That really never stops being a social liability but you can mitigate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that he’s smart tons of kids are smart, it’s that he has a low EQ.

That really never stops being a social liability but you can mitigate it.

No.

[Anonymous]

Private school can be challenging for kids who are on either send of the curve. There just isn’t a large enough pool of students to distinguish them. If there is only one or two classes per grade, balanced by race and gender, then there is no wiggle room to have a “gifted” class. This is often the case with parochial schools and ones with heavy price tags where the rich buy prestige. The kids in your child’s class represent the culture of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents saying that being smart has never been a social liability have ZERO experience in a school where success in school is not valued by the majority of the school population. This was certainly the case during my schooling. It was socially encouraged not to “try” in class. To try or to be smart was being a swot, stuck up or a teachers pet. I learned to lie about my grades and the amount of time I’d spent on homework. I’d tell my peers I’d failed a test or got low marks on an assignment so that I was more socially accepted. In a school where kids don’t value success it is ABSOLUTELY a social liability to be smart.

Fortunately my kids have not experienced this and are both in very academically focused programs where doing well is socially encouraged and rewarded.

NP, I don't doubt that these environments exist. I am puzzled that educated parents would put their academically smart willingly into one.

He's already in private. We were told it was the best local school. What else were we to do? We didn't know the culture was like this, by the way - I assumed it didn't matter in elementary school.

It sounds like you moved somewhere, and then took the local advice and put him in the neighborhood segregation academy. Then, you found that academics weren't prioritized, maybe because you put him with the kids who know they have a path to Ole Miss or whatever so there's no need to really strive.

The answer is public school. If he's with a group of kids that are going to have to work for their success rather than having it handed to them, he will find a group where being smart is valued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private school can be challenging for kids who are on either send of the curve. There just isn’t a large enough pool of students to distinguish them. If there is only one or two classes per grade, balanced by race and gender, then there is no wiggle room to have a “gifted” class. This is often the case with parochial schools and ones with heavy price tags where the rich buy prestige. The kids in your child’s class represent the culture of the school.

Not OP. Unfortunately, I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After middle school. Middle schoolers will make fun of anything and everything.

It reflects more on their parents then their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents saying that being smart has never been a social liability have ZERO experience in a school where success in school is not valued by the majority of the school population. This was certainly the case during my schooling. It was socially encouraged not to “try” in class. To try or to be smart was being a swot, stuck up or a teachers pet. I learned to lie about my grades and the amount of time I’d spent on homework. I’d tell my peers I’d failed a test or got low marks on an assignment so that I was more socially accepted. In a school where kids don’t value success it is ABSOLUTELY a social liability to be smart.

Fortunately my kids have not experienced this and are both in very academically focused programs where doing well is socially encouraged and rewarded.

NP, I don't doubt that these environments exist. I am puzzled that educated parents would put their academically smart willingly into one.

He's already in private. We were told it was the best local school. What else were we to do? We didn't know the culture was like this, by the way - I assumed it didn't matter in elementary school.

OP, I'm sorry for the bounty of obnoxious posters on this thread.
It sounds like good natured teasing so I think you should just not worry about it. Boys at that age tease each other about everything - sports, height, hair, body type, video game ability.
It's nothing your child did or you did but you can help your child deal with it properly by explaining that and not making a big deal about it. If you see it's starting to impact his effort at school work or if his self-esteem is suffering I'd consider switching him out of that environment.

DS was always thought of as the "smart kid" in our private. Wasn't teased or bullied but it was just his reputation because things came easy. It did not bother him at all but we later switched DS to a larger public school and it was interesting for him to not have any reputation. He found a more diverse group of friends and was not really the "smart kid" anymore although he's still an all A student now in MS. There's good and bad to this because his identity is no longer around other people thinking he's smart so I do wonder how that will impact him going to HS where the smart kids take all the APs and do well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private school can be challenging for kids who are on either send of the curve. There just isn’t a large enough pool of students to distinguish them. If there is only one or two classes per grade, balanced by race and gender, then there is no wiggle room to have a “gifted” class. This is often the case with parochial schools and ones with heavy price tags where the rich buy prestige. The kids in your child’s class represent the culture of the school.

+1. The curve is relative to the situation, bit it can always be hard to be an outlier no matter where you are. Also "best" local school can mean many different things and does not always mean you have a really smart cohort.

[Anonymous]

Did you guys read Wednesday’s Most Active Threads?

“ A significant number of posters claim to have the smartest kid in the school with the highest number of smart kids and, because their child is perfect in every way, they don't have this issue. I was amazed by the number of posters who insisted that their own intelligence has never been a barrier because they have such well-developed social skills, yet were completely unable to realize how unhelpful their own posts were in this thread. “

[Anonymous]

It has nothing to do with age - and everything with fitting in. In a school with average kids, the smart one will stick out like a sore thumb. In a school full of smart kids, your smart DC would fit in perfectly. The same could happen to someone in their thirties or 40s: the PhD might not fit in with the construction workers and so on. I would find a school for your son where he fits in. Clearly that’s not the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you guys read Wednesday’s Most Active Threads?

“ A significant number of posters claim to have the smartest kid in the school with the highest number of smart kids and, because their child is perfect in every way, they don't have this issue. I was amazed by the number of posters who insisted that their own intelligence has never been a barrier because they have such well-developed social skills, yet were completely unable to realize how unhelpful their own posts were in this thread. “

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

If the smart kid acts like a know it all and brags about grades, they will be picked on. It is annoying.

[Anonymous]

Umm

For the kids I know, being was never a social liability…