Boyfriend and I have been arguing and I asked for a break; he's immediately out dating other women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A break is a breakup. You can't have it both ways.

Is this Rachel from Friends?

My first thought as well!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You asked for a break. What did you expect? I think you could have asked for him to come over without actually breaking up.

When Dh and I took a break, I saw another guy and slept with him. The guy happened to be Dh’s friend’s friend so Dh found out. I ended up getting back together with Dh and eventually got married. I am fairly certain Dh thinks of it as a betrayal even though we were on a break! We haven’t talked about it in decades but he always made me feel like I cheated on him and betrayed him because I should not have moved on so quickly.

I agree with your husband. Unless you were broken up, it was a betrayal. Going without sex for a few days/weeks should not have been that big of a burden. If you felt that strongly about having sex, even with some random guy you saw, you should have at least respected your DH enough to breakup.

Instead you basically told your DH that if he wouldn’t give you sex, you’d get it from somewhere else - no feelings or commitment necessary. You made it clear that it wasn’t him as a person that you valued, it was him as somebody you could sleep with that was interchangeable with anyone else willing to sleep with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You asked for a break. What did you expect? I think you could have asked for him to come over without actually breaking up.

When Dh and I took a break, I saw another guy and slept with him. The guy happened to be Dh’s friend’s friend so Dh found out. I ended up getting back together with Dh and eventually got married. I am fairly certain Dh thinks of it as a betrayal even though we were on a break! We haven’t talked about it in decades but he always made me feel like I cheated on him and betrayed him because I should not have moved on so quickly.

I agree with your husband. Unless you were broken up, it was a betrayal. Going without sex for a few days/weeks should not have been that big of a burden. If you felt that strongly about having sex, even with some random guy you saw, you should have at least respected your DH enough to breakup.

Instead you basically told your DH that if he wouldn’t give you sex, you’d get it from somewhere else - no feelings or commitment necessary. You made it clear that it wasn’t him as a person that you valued, it was him as somebody you could sleep with that was interchangeable with anyone else willing to sleep with you.

Do you have the same judgement for OP's boyfriend or just women who do it?

[Anonymous]

OP this guyis a player. Don’t buy in. I’m guessing the discomfort and fighting recently had to do with this other woman being around already. He was looking for a reason / opportunity to get with her. It’s hard to hear and feel, I know, but he can now blame you for either being difficult, and for being on a break. Let her have him, and sit in your peaceful apartment, enjoying whatever it is you like to do without him hanging on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A break is a break

And 10/10 he’s just trying to get back at you

Don’t feed into it, asking for a break is the first steps of an official break up.

If that’s not what you wanted then I wouldn’t of threatened it.

I view a break as a time to pause and think about things. I didnt even want an official "break" just for my own space back so he wouldnt be in my tiny apartment for a few nights.

I think this is reasonable OP and my husband and I took a week or so break like this when we were dating. In our case it really helped to diffuse some tension and get some clarity to move forward and constructively resolve the issues.

We called it a “break” (not a break up) and the key thing was we had the same expectations about it - it was not a break up and not an opportunity to see other people.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend were either not on the same page OR he just doesn’t care. Either way, he’s shown his true colors and it’s time to move on.

[Anonymous]

You pulled the trigger and you get what our reap. He’s being a jerk so now you need to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a break up

[Anonymous]

He was using you for your apartment.

But I think OP can’t get over how hot he is and will take him back.

OP overplayed her hand. OP—move on and live your best life.

[Anonymous]

He's proved he's trash.

[Anonymous]

Why would you put up with someone so immature and vicious?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's not into you OP. Move on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You asked for a break. What did you expect? I think you could have asked for him to come over without actually breaking up.

When Dh and I took a break, I saw another guy and slept with him. The guy happened to be Dh’s friend’s friend so Dh found out. I ended up getting back together with Dh and eventually got married. I am fairly certain Dh thinks of it as a betrayal even though we were on a break! We haven’t talked about it in decades but he always made me feel like I cheated on him and betrayed him because I should not have moved on so quickly.

I agree with your husband. Unless you were broken up, it was a betrayal. Going without sex for a few days/weeks should not have been that big of a burden. If you felt that strongly about having sex, even with some random guy you saw, you should have at least respected your DH enough to breakup.

Instead you basically told your DH that if he wouldn’t give you sex, you’d get it from somewhere else - no feelings or commitment necessary. You made it clear that it wasn’t him as a person that you valued, it was him as somebody you could sleep with that was interchangeable with anyone else willing to sleep with you.

Ummm we broke up. We were in our twenties.

The guy I dated was funny and cute. Twenty years later, I still don’t think it was a betrayal and it absolutely was not cheating.

I won’t bring up the sore topic to Dh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
And what were you expecting, exactly?

Not for him to be banging some other woman and rubbing it in my face less than a day later.

He has shown you who he really is -- an immature boy who is trying to exact revenge through social media.

You also know, I hope, that he never meant to keep any promise not to sleep with these other women. Of course he's banging them. Even if he crawls back in tears and swears he did nothing at all -- please do not take him back. He's a child. You already knew he was suffocating you. You asked for space. You are not "on a break," you have broken up.

Block him from everything, don't worry about what "friends" will think (real friends will find his posts insane), and do not see him ever again. You dodged a bullet here; don't put yourself in the line of fire again by having any contact with him at all.

[Anonymous]

You asked for a break and he considered that as being dumped. He had other options and pursued them.

[Anonymous]

OP, now that you know this is a real breakup, be sure to go out there and have fun and NEVER WVER consider taking him back when in 3-4 months he comes crawling back. Because they always do.