I told my friend about the business I’m starting and she crapped all over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything more, tbh, OP.

How long have you known her and what was the basis of your friendship?

Op here. We’ve been friends (but not terribly close) for probably 20 years, but have been closer in the last 2 than in years past.

Ok, she said something you didn't like or appreciate. Fine. She acknowledged it. Maybe not to your liking. So what? It's one (arguably) rude comment. You're going to cut off or limit everyone who says something rude?

Move the EFF on and get over it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

Is there any truth to what she says? Why would she be so passionate about this?

Op here. I don’t know how to say this diplomatically but she is confident and opinionated.

She also once had a bad experience many years ago with a company that she thinks is doing the same thing my project/side hustle would be doing. They are not at all the same, but she didn’t listen long enough to even understand what I’m doing before she decided it was the same as this one company she had a bad experience with 5+ years ago. So she’s viewing it through that lens, and keeps wanting to talk about her bad experience from before.

She also claimed that I am “not truly passionate” about this project and that it “will never work unless my whole heart is in it”.

She had a bunch of other commentary and reasons why it will never work but a lot of her comments were centered on the two points above.

She listed all these things that we haven’t figured out (except, she doesn’t know what we are doing or whether we have figured them because she wasn’t listening to me). She claimed the idea is confusing to her and therefore can’t work (she doesn’t work in our industry and she’s not our target audience and didn’t take even 5 minutes to let me explain how it would work).

So that makes more sense. She had a bad experience with something very similar (in her mind) and it left a very bad taste in her mouth. You should understand where she's coming from since this wasn't out of left field. But, if you can't do that and this is usual for her and not working for you, then let the friendship wither and die on the vine and move on.

Op here. I just think we have a history of her making everything about her and not really listening.

I’m very introverted and she’s an extrovert so normally I don’t mind listening to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

Is there any truth to what she says? Why would she be so passionate about this?

Op here. I don’t know how to say this diplomatically but she is confident and opinionated.

She also once had a bad experience many years ago with a company that she thinks is doing the same thing my project/side hustle would be doing. They are not at all the same, but she didn’t listen long enough to even understand what I’m doing before she decided it was the same as this one company she had a bad experience with 5+ years ago. So she’s viewing it through that lens, and keeps wanting to talk about her bad experience from before.

She also claimed that I am “not truly passionate” about this project and that it “will never work unless my whole heart is in it”.

She had a bunch of other commentary and reasons why it will never work but a lot of her comments were centered on the two points above.

She listed all these things that we haven’t figured out (except, she doesn’t know what we are doing or whether we have figured them because she wasn’t listening to me). She claimed the idea is confusing to her and therefore can’t work (she doesn’t work in our industry and she’s not our target audience and didn’t take even 5 minutes to let me explain how it would work).

That she is like this cannot come as a surprise, but you have invested a lot of time in the relationship. You can move on and not discuss the side hustle or do the fade, your choice, OP. You are still having a very emotional reaction, for your sake, I'd figure out why her well meaning but not especially relevant remarks got under your skin so much. I mean if you consider the source, not in your industry, etc., who cares what she thinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her some grace. She regrets it and she’s trying to apologize. Your feelings are hurt, and I get that. Mine would be, too. But this is forgivable, especially because she’s trying. Now go prove her wrong!

Op here. I’m not going to end the friendship but I definitely need some time and space. We’d ordinarily talk/text/or see each other several days a week, but I need at least a few weeks off.

The thing is, I don’t need to prove her wrong. Like just even having that thought tells me this is not the right kind of friendship for me. My friend should be rooting for me.

Why are you making such a big god damn deal over this? YOu want to be in business? You're gonna need a thicker skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

With all due respect . . . . so what? You're overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently started a tiny business with my brother and DH. It’s really just a hobby/side hustle that I hope we can grow into something that makes some money but we don’t know if that will happen.

I briefly mentioned it to a close friend in passing, and she immediately launched into a monologue about all the reasons why I’m approaching things incorrectly and why she doesn’t believe our “business” will be successful. I tried to change the subject but she was like a dog with a bone.

I told her I don’t want to discuss this with her anymore. And now she’s apologizing “for giving feedback I was not ready to hear and advice I didn’t ask for.” But I’m angry because her feedback was just straight up unhelpful and rooted in assumptions and ignorance on her part.

My friend doesn’t really have a clue what we are doing but she *thinks* she knows more than I do.

Where do we go from here? I’m really hurt. I’m going to take a step back from the friendship but what do I say to her? She keeps messaging me with generic apologies but I don’t think she gets it. If anything, she thinks me being upset is evidence that she is “right” and that I’m just killing the messenger.

Never tell friends or frenemies your plans because some are jealous and the others are praying for your plans to fail. So, basically, keep your hopes and dreams private and don't give other people the opportunity to stomp on your dreams l

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

OK, you're hurt. What are you going to do about it? Punish her? She's already apologized. Now you are ruminating here about it. The ball is in your court about whether to accept the apology and move on or not. I guess not.

I disagree. It's not OP's job to either "get over it" or not. The friend way overstepped. The friend has to prove to OP that she can be supportive and that she won't do this again, or OP won't go to her next time she has news about something new she's doing. The friend screwed up the dynamics of the friendship and an apology does not repair that.

People are human. Since when do sincere apologies (backed by subsequent actions) not repair? Is this why people have so few friends nowadays? OP's friend had no ill intent.

The friend's apology wasn't sincere. She said "I'm sorry you weren't ready to hear this." That's not an apology, it's an accusation. It's no different from saying "you're too sensitive" or "you need to suck it up" which are also not apologies. So no, it doesn't repair.

OP's friend behaved in an arrogant, condescending way, and her "apology" was similarly arrogant and condescending. If she actually wants to repair, she can reflect on why she had such an outsized, negative response to OP, and then give OP a genuine apology in which she actually acknowledges that her behavior was not supportive or appropriate. But that requires introspection, and it doesn't sound like she is a very introspective person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

OK, you're hurt. What are you going to do about it? Punish her? She's already apologized. Now you are ruminating here about it. The ball is in your court about whether to accept the apology and move on or not. I guess not.

I disagree. It's not OP's job to either "get over it" or not. The friend way overstepped. The friend has to prove to OP that she can be supportive and that she won't do this again, or OP won't go to her next time she has news about something new she's doing. The friend screwed up the dynamics of the friendship and an apology does not repair that.

People are human. Since when do sincere apologies (backed by subsequent actions) not repair? Is this why people have so few friends nowadays? OP's friend had no ill intent.

The friend's apology wasn't sincere. She said "I'm sorry you weren't ready to hear this." That's not an apology, it's an accusation. It's no different from saying "you're too sensitive" or "you need to suck it up" which are also not apologies. So no, it doesn't repair.

OP's friend behaved in an arrogant, condescending way, and her "apology" was similarly arrogant and condescending. If she actually wants to repair, she can reflect on why she had such an outsized, negative response to OP, and then give OP a genuine apology in which she actually acknowledges that her behavior was not supportive or appropriate. But that requires introspection, and it doesn't sound like she is a very introspective person.

What do you mean reflect? Do you want her to sit in time out? These are adults. She apologized, acknowledging her advice wasn't asked for and has followed up with a few more apologies. If OP doesn't want to accept her apology, she should just tell her that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

OK, you're hurt. What are you going to do about it? Punish her? She's already apologized. Now you are ruminating here about it. The ball is in your court about whether to accept the apology and move on or not. I guess not.

I disagree. It's not OP's job to either "get over it" or not. The friend way overstepped. The friend has to prove to OP that she can be supportive and that she won't do this again, or OP won't go to her next time she has news about something new she's doing. The friend screwed up the dynamics of the friendship and an apology does not repair that.

People are human. Since when do sincere apologies (backed by subsequent actions) not repair? Is this why people have so few friends nowadays? OP's friend had no ill intent.

The friend's apology wasn't sincere. She said "I'm sorry you weren't ready to hear this." That's not an apology, it's an accusation. It's no different from saying "you're too sensitive" or "you need to suck it up" which are also not apologies. So no, it doesn't repair.

OP's friend behaved in an arrogant, condescending way, and her "apology" was similarly arrogant and condescending. If she actually wants to repair, she can reflect on why she had such an outsized, negative response to OP, and then give OP a genuine apology in which she actually acknowledges that her behavior was not supportive or appropriate. But that requires introspection, and it doesn't sound like she is a very introspective person.

DP. Yes, this illustrates why people have so few friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

Is there any truth to what she says? Why would she be so passionate about this?

Op here. I don’t know how to say this diplomatically but she is confident and opinionated.

She also once had a bad experience many years ago with a company that she thinks is doing the same thing my project/side hustle would be doing. They are not at all the same, but she didn’t listen long enough to even understand what I’m doing before she decided it was the same as this one company she had a bad experience with 5+ years ago. So she’s viewing it through that lens, and keeps wanting to talk about her bad experience from before.

She also claimed that I am “not truly passionate” about this project and that it “will never work unless my whole heart is in it”.

She had a bunch of other commentary and reasons why it will never work but a lot of her comments were centered on the two points above.

She listed all these things that we haven’t figured out (except, she doesn’t know what we are doing or whether we have figured them because she wasn’t listening to me). She claimed the idea is confusing to her and therefore can’t work (she doesn’t work in our industry and she’s not our target audience and didn’t take even 5 minutes to let me explain how it would work).

That she is like this cannot come as a surprise, but you have invested a lot of time in the relationship. You can move on and not discuss the side hustle or do the fade, your choice, OP. You are still having a very emotional reaction, for your sake, I'd figure out why her well meaning but not especially relevant remarks got under your skin so much. I mean if you consider the source, not in your industry, etc., who cares what she thinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

Is there any truth to what she says? Why would she be so passionate about this?

Op here. I don’t know how to say this diplomatically but she is confident and opinionated.

She also once had a bad experience many years ago with a company that she thinks is doing the same thing my project/side hustle would be doing. They are not at all the same, but she didn’t listen long enough to even understand what I’m doing before she decided it was the same as this one company she had a bad experience with 5+ years ago. So she’s viewing it through that lens, and keeps wanting to talk about her bad experience from before.

She also claimed that I am “not truly passionate” about this project and that it “will never work unless my whole heart is in it”.

She had a bunch of other commentary and reasons why it will never work but a lot of her comments were centered on the two points above.

She listed all these things that we haven’t figured out (except, she doesn’t know what we are doing or whether we have figured them because she wasn’t listening to me). She claimed the idea is confusing to her and therefore can’t work (she doesn’t work in our industry and she’s not our target audience and didn’t take even 5 minutes to let me explain how it would work).

That she is like this cannot come as a surprise, but you have invested a lot of time in the relationship. You can move on and not discuss the side hustle or do the fade, your choice, OP. You are still having a very emotional reaction, for your sake, I'd figure out why her well meaning but not especially relevant remarks got under your skin so much. I mean if you consider the source, not in your industry, etc., who cares what she thinks?

Op here. You posted this exact same response twice. I’m not necessarily convinced her remarks were well meaning.

I have not yet decided what comes next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

OP, you see and talk to her many times a week, I think I read.

She struck a nerve. That is why you are blowing this up.
She felt close enough to be brutally honest with you. Many others likely do not.

Go into this knowing your $5k (and more as a last ditch attempt to keep it afloat) will likely disappear.
If it takes off for all of you, awesome!

I hate when ppl say they are "just being honest" or "telling it like it is" as if their OPINION means they can be rude, negative and condescending. OP didn't ask her for an opinion and if I had a "friend" who wanted to just dump on me and criticize a project I'm pursuing out of "honesty" and no actual helpful advice and information then I'd reevaluate that friendship.

A lot of you get off thinking that being a true friend means ripping into said friend whenever you want out of the guise of "concern" and you're not fooling anyone. You're mean and insecure - and it shows.

You must have friends who lie to your face to save face and their friendship with you. You do you.
Being honest is not for everyone. Or hearing honest opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

OP, you see and talk to her many times a week, I think I read.

She struck a nerve. That is why you are blowing this up.
She felt close enough to be brutally honest with you. Many others likely do not.

Go into this knowing your $5k (and more as a last ditch attempt to keep it afloat) will likely disappear.
If it takes off for all of you, awesome!

I hate when ppl say they are "just being honest" or "telling it like it is" as if their OPINION means they can be rude, negative and condescending. OP didn't ask her for an opinion and if I had a "friend" who wanted to just dump on me and criticize a project I'm pursuing out of "honesty" and no actual helpful advice and information then I'd reevaluate that friendship.

A lot of you get off thinking that being a true friend means ripping into said friend whenever you want out of the guise of "concern" and you're not fooling anyone. You're mean and insecure - and it shows.

You must have friends who lie to your face to save face and their friendship with you. You do you.
Being honest is not for everyone. Or hearing honest opinions.

I don't need anyone to lie to me. Nor do I lie to my friends. What I'm not is negative, rude and condescending. If my friend ASKED for my advice, I'd give it:

No I don't really think that dress suits you, I like the yellow one better
That haircut doesn't bring out your best features, let's go through some pics for the next visit
Yes I think you were too harsh to your child, let's talk about different approaches

Instead of:

Damn that makes you look fat
What loser stylist did you hire because she didn't do you any favors
Why don't you know how to talk to your child - you really need to parent better

See the difference? Probably not - because again, a lot of ppl walk around thinking that cutting someone down in the name of "honesty" is okay - and it's simply NOT. You ever heard the phrase "when keeping it real goes wrong"? There is no justification for making someone feel small so you can be right or "honest". Pfft. Be a better friend and person.

[Anonymous]

You're too sensitive.

She's too outspoken.

You're not a good match.

Distance yourself for while, or for good.

[Anonymous]

My answer depends on whether your side hustle is an mlm or not…