I told my friend about the business I’m starting and she crapped all over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m trying to think of a way to illustrate how off base her comments were without actually sharing them.

It would be sort of like if I told her I was accepted into medical school, but before I could explain which medical school or what kind of doctor I hoped to be, or when I would be starting, she started going off about how 5 years ago she had a bad experience getting a colonoscopy and therefore all doctors are scam artists. And then pointing out that I haven’t figured out how I’ll even pay for medical school (because before I even got the sentence out about it she had started on her diatribe about how she hates doctors) or what kind of doctor I want to be (because I haven’t been allowed to speak).

As part of the side hustle, we are giving some services for free (actually it’s costing us some money) to another business in order to test if our project works. And she was going on and on about how we were taking advantage of that company (again because she doesn’t have a clue how any of this works and doesn’t have any curiosity about it).

I appreciate the replies from people who seem to get it. This project is close to my heart and I know it could fail. Me sharing it with her was me opening up to her and being vulnerable, and her response really hurt me.

OP, it seems that part of the reason you're so upset is that you didn't stand up for yourself. If it was just your friend droning on about incorrect assumptions, then you would just blow it off as her being ignorant. Think about how you want to handle these types of situations in the future.

Also, stop talking about your business. I had a prior successful business and am in the planning stages for another. The only person I talk about the new business with is my spouse. By sharing, you're running the risk of someone stealing your idea and you're opening yourself up to amateur opinions. It's unprofessional to discuss this with a friend.

This is like selecting a baby name. You don't share it with anyone until the baby is born and the name is on the birth certificate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

NP. Maybe your friend has a background in employment law and is worried about that?

[Anonymous]

Op, you are still hung-up on whether her opinion is right. Stop. It doesn't matter. She was rude. Rude. You move on. Or you find that she continues to act rude, after you've asked her not to, that you distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I already explained in my OP that even calling it a “business” is an overstatement. It’s a project/side hustle that might make money, or not. No one is quitting their job and it’s costing us less than $5000 total (spread out over months and split between my family and my brother’s). The risk is very low. We make no assumptions about what might happen. I hope it turns into something, of course, but it’s too early to say.

It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is the industry that we all work in (except for my friend).

IRS says it's a hobby until your revenue exceeds your expenses. Tell your friend it's a hobby.

[Anonymous]

There's no way anybody can tell who was right or wrong without knowing what was said and how they said it. And like every OP, OP is a biased narrator.

Especially as someone in the tech space, you should know that criticism of an idea is not the same as criticism of the person. If her criticsms are nonsense, then you laughing off and tell her it's complicated industry specialist stuff that you don't want to get into. In your now more limited free time. But you sensitivity to it even after she apologized suggests that you might be upset because you are worried she's right.
And mathematically she probably is right, just because most new businesses fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My answer depends on whether your side hustle is an mlm or not…

Op here. It’s not. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space.

I am the poster who said I meet a lot of small businesses as part of my corporate role in supplier diversity - and AI/Tech/Cyber is my industry (albeit for Federal contracts which is not the same as non-Fed).

Shoot your shot! I hope it works out for you. Maybe it makes money through services or license fees. Maybe you can cash out and sell the IP. Maybe you just learn a ton and the skills help you land a better job. Maybe it’s just fun time spent with your husband and a friend. Good luck!

Working with other small and midsized businesses to get feedback on your product is a great idea! If it’s working well and benefitting them, don’t hesitate to ask for some “in kind” services in terms of mentoring. What accounting system do they use? What tips do they have on proposals and RFIs? Can you be a “fly on the wall” in some meetings?

Also beware. If your idea does work and you get a taste of success - there are a lot of people who prey on small businesses and coaches, advisors, business development/sales. Not all of them are scams, but a lot are. There are also more small business networking events and conferences than you can ever go to and a lot of them are expensive in both time and money. There are also free events and you can try that out to get a feel for networking and refining your pitch. You sound realistic, but a lot of these BD people are really charismatic - that’s their job after all. I hope you are successful.

[Anonymous]

The most famous critique of failed empires is that the person in charge surrounded themselves with yes men and cheerleaders.

[Anonymous]

You need thicker skin. Sounds like your friend is a know-it-all. As a business owner, unless someone is in the actual market that I’m in, their opinion means nothing to me. My friends can say what they want but it’s based on “feelings” not actual data. Your friend isn’t always going to your “hype person.”

[Anonymous]

Op here. I guess my post was one of the top posts yesterday and it made it into Jeff’s write up, which I thought was fair and reasonable:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/

I guess I haven’t been as receptive as I should be and looking back I think I came here primarily to vent about my friend which was probably not constructive.

Thanks again for the replies.

[Anonymous]

She recognized she overstepped and apologized. I'm not sure what else you want.

Also, have you considered the thought she might be right?

[Anonymous]

Right doesn't justify rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She recognized she overstepped and apologized. I'm not sure what else you want.

Also, have you considered the thought she might be right?

Op here. If you read through the thread I answer both of these questions above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She recognized she overstepped and apologized. I'm not sure what else you want.

Also, have you considered the thought she might be right?

Op here. If you read through the thread I answer both of these questions above.

Why would I want to waste my time doing that? Are you new to the Internet or something?

[Anonymous]

Reflect on why do you feel so hurt. They say truth hurts. Maybe deep down you know your “business” is a bad idea, or maybe even a scam. Lots of emotions swirling around, if it were simple and straightforward you’d not be so distraught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

NP. Maybe your friend has a background in employment law and is worried about that?

Still none of her business.