I told my friend about the business I’m starting and she crapped all over it
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Anonymous
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I recently started a tiny business with my brother and DH. It’s really just a hobby/side hustle that I hope we can grow into something that makes some money but we don’t know if that will happen.
I briefly mentioned it to a close friend in passing, and she immediately launched into a monologue about all the reasons why I’m approaching things incorrectly and why she doesn’t believe our “business” will be successful. I tried to change the subject but she was like a dog with a bone. I told her I don’t want to discuss this with her anymore. And now she’s apologizing “for giving feedback I was not ready to hear and advice I didn’t ask for.” But I’m angry because her feedback was just straight up unhelpful and rooted in assumptions and ignorance on her part. My friend doesn’t really have a clue what we are doing but she *thinks* she knows more than I do. Where do we go from here? I’m really hurt. I’m going to take a step back from the friendship but what do I say to her? She keeps messaging me with generic apologies but I don’t think she gets it. If anything, she thinks me being upset is evidence that she is “right” and that I’m just killing the messenger. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't say anything more, tbh, OP.
How long have you known her and what was the basis of your friendship? |
Anonymous
Op here. We’ve been friends (but not terribly close) for probably 20 years, but have been closer in the last 2 than in years past. |
Anonymous
| Give her some grace. She regrets it and she’s trying to apologize. Your feelings are hurt, and I get that. Mine would be, too. But this is forgivable, especially because she’s trying. Now go prove her wrong! |
Anonymous
| She couldn't be a very close friend if one disagreement ends the relationship. |
Anonymous
| Just move on already. Do you need some bug mea culpa? She apologized. She will never really understand how that made you feel - does she need to? If you need her to understand, then maybe distance yourself, because chances are she'll never understand. |
Anonymous
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She's probably dealing with her own insecurities about fear of entrepreneurship.
The only legitimate concern she can have is that you are wasting a lot of money or giving yourself stress for nothing. Tell her that you are enjoying yourself, and learning from the effort, and you aren't spending more than you can afford. Then ahree to not talk about it, and change the subject .Compartmentalize. |
Anonymous
| She's a bit of a know it all and has poor sense of boundaries. Accept her limitations and proceed with what you know. |
Anonymous
| She's doing you a favor. You need to be confident in the face of criticism if you're going to successful as an entrepreneur. Part of the job is to sift through the b******* and find any good information that's there. |
Anonymous
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Just tell her "I appreciate your apology; let's move on" and then continue being friends with her but don't mention the business to her.
It's like when my mom would try to give me job advice, but she was an unsuccessful SAHM with zero office experience. Her advice was useless at best and would get me fired at worst. So I just didn't talk with her about work stuff. Do the same with your friend. |
Anonymous
Where do you go from here? You succeed at your business and make her eat her words Or, if you fail, you acknowledge she was right. I mean, there's not much in between. |
Anonymous
Op here. I’m not going to end the friendship but I definitely need some time and space. We’d ordinarily talk/text/or see each other several days a week, but I need at least a few weeks off. The thing is, I don’t need to prove her wrong. Like just even having that thought tells me this is not the right kind of friendship for me. My friend should be rooting for me. |
Anonymous
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I'd tell her firmly you won't discuss it again and I'd look at other aspects of your relationship as a check in.
Does she have a habit of giving you unsolicited advice? Does she often do it in a way that makes it seem like she's talking down to you? Does she get mad at you or act irritated when you don't do things the way she has told you to do them? I used to have several friends like this and I ditched them completely when I had a baby because I suddenly realized, "oh, I hate this." These women were all around my same age, similar levels in their careers. There was nothing about our relationships that indicated I should be in a subordinate role. But they viewed it that way. I felt extra vulnerable after becoming a mom and they started doing the same stuff but regarding motherhood -- lots of criticism and unsolicited advice, or getting mad at me because I made different choices about stuff like breastfeeding or childcare than they told me to do (because they told me to do what they did). I don't do friendships where I am spoken to like an employee or someone's mentee. I have a capable person with a history of making good decisions, but to be honest, even if I was a mess who often made mistakes, I'm still my own person and I don't report to my friends. |
Anonymous
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What if she's right?
What's the business? Do you have a business plan? A business model? |
Anonymous
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You say—“Thank you for the apology. I appreciate where your heart is. We’re going to give this a go and I know I can count on your support. Let’s grab coffee next week and catch up!”
And then keep it vague for a while, unavailable, but upbeat. You don’t need to blow up the friendship entirely, but you can back it off so that she doesn’t necessarily have to feel that THIS incident caused it. You basically want her to stop apologizing AND stop talking about it. |