I told my friend about the business I’m starting and she crapped all over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She recognized she overstepped and apologized. I'm not sure what else you want.

Also, have you considered the thought she might be right?

Op here. If you read through the thread I answer both of these questions above.

Why would I want to waste my time doing that? Are you new to the Internet or something?

You’re on this thread so you’re clearly already wasting your time.

[Anonymous]

OP, how how is for you to make new friends? you seem to have spent a significant amount of time with this friend, and her personality should not be some surprising news to you. if you are an introvert, it's probably what makes your friendship possible at some level. it comes at a cost.

as some have suggested, you don't have to decide anything right now. let things cool off first. and when you do make your decision, take into account not only the faults of this friend, but also, how many other friends you do have and how hard it is for you to make new ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how how is for you to make new friends? you seem to have spent a significant amount of time with this friend, and her personality should not be some surprising news to you. if you are an introvert, it's probably what makes your friendship possible at some level. it comes at a cost.

as some have suggested, you don't have to decide anything right now. let things cool off first. and when you do make your decision, take into account not only the faults of this friend, but also, how many other friends you do have and how hard it is for you to make new ones.

I don't think OP should write of a friend over one incident, but I also don't think people need a lot of friends who act like this.

I mean yes, everyone needs friends and it's not a good idea to drive off friends if you have few others. But ideally, what you do is find friends who actually offer the kind of friendship you need. I am like OP in that I don't have a ton of use for highly critical friends -- I can get criticism from lots of sources and just don't need friends for that. But I've noticed a lot of people want to be this kind of friend. I've held out for the friends who are right for me (who tend to be non-judgmental, only offer advice when directly asked, and are generally encouraging and supportive) and I don't "settle" for people like this just to have someone to hang out with.

I don't have a zillion friends but the ones I have are a true support system for me. I recommend this approach over just accepting friendships that don't really meet your needs. You can do better.

[Anonymous]

OP, I started a business and agree with a pp who also has - don’t tell anyone until your business is established and even then, best to limit information or just be low-key (“things are going well thanks! We’re still working out a few things but it’s moving along, I need a break from work tho - how are you?”). I received a range of reactions including some rude/dismissive ones from fairly close friends which was a bit disappointing but not surprising. People can be insecure or jealous for whatever reason. Frankly you need to be prepared for more of that - or really, just keep this venture to yourself as long as possible. People’s reactions will just distract you and you don’t have time for that. Just smile, keep your blinders on, and keep moving forward. Mentally, Keep your business separate from your friendships. As to this friend, I’d just accept her apology and move on (however you wish) but definitely stop talking about the business as it’s a time suck topic you don’t need

[Anonymous]

Really, the only appropriate response to your starting a business is, “That’s great! Congratulations!”

[Anonymous]

Op here with an update. Friend has been reaching out and I’ve been unresponsive. Today I just let her know that of course we will always be friends but that I’m hurt and this really feels like a pattern. Essentially, I share something vulnerable that I’m struggling with and she points out all the reasons I should have known and/or created this problem and/or things I have done wrong, etc. Maybe I’m too sensitive but I’m just tired of this dynamic and need to take a step back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update. Friend has been reaching out and I’ve been unresponsive. Today I just let her know that of course we will always be friends but that I’m hurt and this really feels like a pattern. Essentially, I share something vulnerable that I’m struggling with and she points out all the reasons I should have known and/or created this problem and/or things I have done wrong, etc. Maybe I’m too sensitive but I’m just tired of this dynamic and need to take a step back.

OP, if you don't want to spend time with this friend, then don't. But take a look at your role in this dynamic. You're too passive when you're with her and don't manage the situation appropriately. You shouldn't have even mentioned the business and then you failed to stop the conversation about the pitfalls that you didn't want to hear. Then you stewed about it later until you're enraged. You need to learn to deal with the situation when it's happening. This is bigger than the issue with one friend.

You don't have to spend time with her, but don't lay all the blame at her feet. You didn't behave appropriately either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update. Friend has been reaching out and I’ve been unresponsive. Today I just let her know that of course we will always be friends but that I’m hurt and this really feels like a pattern. Essentially, I share something vulnerable that I’m struggling with and she points out all the reasons I should have known and/or created this problem and/or things I have done wrong, etc. Maybe I’m too sensitive but I’m just tired of this dynamic and need to take a step back.

NP. Good for you, OP! You don’t sound sensitive at all, more like a woman who’s recognized an unhealthy dynamic in a long-term friendship that needed to be brought to light. Your friend’s response will tell you everything you need to know about the health of your friendship and where it should go from here.

[Anonymous]

She must know you fail and fall for stupid schemes all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The friend messed up in a way that a simple apology won't fix. She created a bad dynamic that will no be part of their friendship as long as OP is involved in this business, unless the friend does more than apologize.

The friend was way overly critical and offered a ton of unsolicited advice, and then when OP didn't take it, the friend pushed back and got annoyed about it. So now now this side hustle business is a point of contention. If it succeeds, OP absolutely will feel vindicated. But also if it fails, it's going to hang over their friendship because the friend went too far in criticizing it. It's going to hard for the friend to be supportive if the plan fails, because OP will know that the friend is thinking "I told you so" even if she doesn't say it. And also now OP will be reluctant to share things like this with the friend in the future because she won't want this kind of criticism and judgment.

The friend made a big mistake, not a little one. As a friend, you have to learn sometimes to hold your tongue even if you think someone is making a mistake. It's not your job to prevent your friends from making mistakes. Mistakes are part of life. Unless someone asks directly for your advice, don't give it.

And what exactly do you want the friend to do?!? It's not like she stole OP's money or reported her business to the BBB with a false claim. She said words, and apologized for those words. Time to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might make sense with an mlm, but in that field I wonder if your friend is reacting from insecurities

Op here. It’s not an MLM. It’s in the tech/AI/cybersecurity space which is where DH, brother, and I all work. And we are spending no more than a few thousand dollars on it, and no one is quitting their job.

Why do you care so much about your friend's opinion on this if it's just small potatoes?

Op here. She did more than give her opinion. She went on a diatribe listing all the reasons why it won’t work and detailing everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure there needs to be some big deep reason. But I feel like I opened up about something that matters to me and shared with her and then she crapped all over it before I had even finished explaining barely anything about it.

OK, you're hurt. What are you going to do about it? Punish her? She's already apologized. Now you are ruminating here about it. The ball is in your court about whether to accept the apology and move on or not. I guess not.

I disagree. It's not OP's job to either "get over it" or not. The friend way overstepped. The friend has to prove to OP that she can be supportive and that she won't do this again, or OP won't go to her next time she has news about something new she's doing. The friend screwed up the dynamics of the friendship and an apology does not repair that.

You sound exhausting

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I’d be too worked up over a few comments. But if she refused to let you change the subject like “a dog with a bone”, then I’d be annoyed. Seems rude.

[Anonymous]

Your mistake to tell her what you were up to, sadly people love to $hit on others ideas as they feel insecure about where they are in life. Big points though for telling her exactly how she made you feel. Guarantee she'll think twice the next time she opens her giant, jealous trap.

[Anonymous]

If this is an MLM "business," then you should listen to your friend.

[Anonymous]

I just came to say the same as above pp! Sounds like MLM is which case op is a sucker and has a good friend, but she is not smart enough to see that!