Bragging vs. honest celebrating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

Oh, FFS! College admission is not a test for a terminal disease. If you treat it like a life and death situation, that’s your problem, do therapy or something about it before your kids catch it from you.

[Anonymous]

Posting on social media is totally fine imho. Most people aren’t aware of the finer gradations in rankings. They won’t see it as bragging.

[Anonymous]

I think the whole point of OP's question is that of course there is a version of these posts that are just honest celebrating and that don't bother [most] people. The question is where is the line between that , which is normal, and bragging, which is anti-social and obnoxious.

I think the line has to do with these behaviors:

- Too many posts. A celebratory post to announce DC is going to Yale is great (good for DC! that's amazing!), a series of posts is getting into brag territory. Choose your moment.

- Getting too detailed. Definitely say you're proud of your kid (wherever they are going). Going into detail about how they got X scholarship that had 6000 applicants for only 3 spots might be getting into brag territory and is really more detail than people need. Just say they are going to UMC and you're all thrilled, you don't need to educate everyone on how tough admission to the honors program there is even it it's true. They don't really need to know.

- Saying stuff that (intentionally or not) draws unkind comparisons. Like you don't have to emphasize your kid got in RD, or "thank got we didn't wind up on the waitlist" or other comments that might unnecessarily sting for kids who might have another comparison. Just focus on how you're proud of your kid and this next phase of their life. Be at least a little aware that they have peers on their own journey and try not to step in it with your commentary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

Oh, FFS! College admission is not a test for a terminal disease. If you treat it like a life and death situation, that’s your problem, do therapy or something about it before your kids catch it from you.

+1

I have to agree. You can not control what other people do and do not celebrate - that sounds insane. Besides, people should be able to celebrate their kids, and they will. So be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

They are not thinking about you - they are happy for their kid and celebrating their kid. It has nothing to do with you.

I know people who celebrate any school - and that is great! They should be celebrating their kid!

Some of you parents are super twisted and have issues that have nothing to do with your kids, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

Look OP, you can be proud of your kid if your kid is not going to (whatever top school here). You are the parent - it is up to you to show your kid that you are proud of your kid. It is not up to anyone else. Be happy for your kid.

Alternatively, don't come to DCUM to rail about the same schools over and over again, because that is just obvious and sad for you.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should avoid being happy for your kid because others are unhappy. We celebrate babies born every day when others are facing loss. It's part of life.

I would never post admissions, but it's also strangely cagey to avoid saying where your kid is going after they've decided. If you usually post on social media, it's totally fine to share that you're excited that Bobby/Sally will be a Buckeye next year with a picture of them wearing a college sweatshirt. It's no less of a milestone than a baby being born or a graduation. It's also not a secret and will be on their LinkedIn resume in a year or two.

Thousands of people are admitted to each college and kids apply to many options. If another kid is disappointed, their peers and other adults should support them in realizing there are many paths. But it isn't the fault of any of their peers. It's not a zero sum game. Neither Bobby or Sally are the reason they didn't get in. They need to handle their disappointment while being happy for their peers. Life is long and before too long they'll have a reason for people to be happy for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

Oh, FFS! College admission is not a test for a terminal disease. If you treat it like a life and death situation, that’s your problem, do therapy or something about it before your kids catch it from you.

+1000

While I personally would not share every admission, I sure as hell shared a post when each kid made a decision as well as a move in photo in Aug/Sept. That key milestone information in our families life. Not a brag, just sharing exciting details about our kids and their future.

You cannot know every little detail of everyones life going on....someone on your FB/insta/whatever SM you use feed may be awaiting bad news, their parent may have just died, etc...however most of my friends would not begrudge others for sharing exciting good news at a time when they are struggling---in fact it would brighten most of my friends days to see something exciting/positive in life.

Now if you are sharing every single acceptance, well that is over the top and I don't share that much information about my family/kids normally. But just like we posted HS graduation photos, Homecoming photos, prom photos, college graduation photos we also post "where my kid is spending the next 4+ years" photos and move in day photos.

But then again, I don't fall into the trap of obsessing with T25 schools and am just happy for any kid who gets into their top choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Low key with individual acceptances. Those were kept in the family. No one outside the family and HS counselor even knew where my ED kid had applied (or that she had applied ED). Once an actual decision was made (which was last minute with kid 1 and ED with kid 2) AND the kid in question said it was okay, a social media post. So December for 1 kid and May 1 for the other. Along the lines of a picture of a kid in a college sweatshirt and a caption saying: Kid X has decided they will be attending College next year to study Y. We are very excited for them and can’t wait to see what adventures lie ahead.

T20-50 range schools.

This was pretty standard among DCs’ friends and I was genuinely excited to learn where each of my kid’s friends was going. The news dribbled out from. December through May.

Yes to car stickers (which replaced their FCPS high school’s stickers).

But, my FB Friends number well below 200 and I regularly purge. If I don’t genuinely care about you, I’m probably not following you.

+1000

My FB friends is less than 250 (hubby has a huge family so family and family friends are at least 80-90 of them). If you are on my feed, you are someone I care about/someone I want to hear about---Love seeing my HS friends and their families and same for college, even though we all live all over the country. So when I post about my kids, it's to keep everyone updated, and we don't post that much (maybe 3x/month) If you would get upset that I posted about my kid's life, then I'd probably purge them from my feed.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to own that social media is not for you, which is fine, but don't take it out on your kid (directly or indirectly).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

Informing friends and family about major events in my kid's life is NOT "Braggy"
And that is who is on my FB feed, along with some minor acquaintances over the years from work and spouses work.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were little, I had a lot of oversharing friends. They'd post about their kids visiting Princeton, for example, and I'd think, "Wow, that kid is smart enough to go to Princeton?"

Well, as we all know now, hardly anyone gets in, but anyone can visit! So that's silly to get worked up about.

In general, I think a single post about a kid's decision is great. I love to see them. I don't need to know all the ins and outs. (Or the justifications. Sometimes I see, "Larlo had MANY outstanding offers, but he made the smart choice to go to UMD and save some money.") OK, good for Larlo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were little, I had a lot of oversharing friends. They'd post about their kids visiting Princeton, for example, and I'd think, "Wow, that kid is smart enough to go to Princeton?"

Well, as we all know now, hardly anyone gets in, but anyone can visit! So that's silly to get worked up about.

In general, I think a single post about a kid's decision is great. I love to see them. I don't need to know all the ins and outs. (Or the justifications. Sometimes I see, "Larlo had MANY outstanding offers, but he made the smart choice to go to UMD and save some money.") OK, good for Larlo.

+1, there is of course a difference between simply sharing where your child is going (it's very normal to share the fact that your child is going to college and moving out of your house, and it would frankly be weird to go out of your way not to mention the school), and being a d**k about it. Just be like "So proud! Can't wait to be a Tigers family!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

So because Child X wanted any of the T25 schools and might have to settle for #30, I should not be able to do a simple post/announcement that my kid got into #5? If your kid is so fragile that they break down over others getting into a college over them, then they may not be set up to handle a T25 college or life in general. And you as a parent have done a poor job preparing them for the college admission process, because a smart kid should understand that it's a lottery, you apply and hope for the best, but fact is 95%+ are getting rejected so that's the most likely outcome. If you cannot handle others having success and being happy for them, then that is a you problem and something you should seriously work on.

My own kid was disappointed to be rejected from their ED1...well "deferred". We let them mope for a day or so then encouraged them to focus on the other 2 acceptances they just got (one being their top safety and the other being a T50) and keep strong and get the rest of applications done.
When they got ultimately rejected from their ED1 (a T10 school) we once again let them be a bit disappointed for a day and then focused on reality and the 8+ acceptances they had and figuring out the top 3 and planning to revisit them in April in order to make a decision. We had prepared our kid to know that things with single digit acceptances are just lotteries so focus on finding excellent targets and safeties and hope for the best. So they had a long list of excellent acceptances (only got rejected at single digit acceptance schools, WL at a T30 and First year abroad at another single digit school)---so we reminded them that in reality they were only "rejected" at the T10 school, and had amazing results. 4 acceptances in the 30-50 range, 2 excellent safeties in the 60-90 range. We helped them focus on the positive....and the ultimate task of picking the best place for them.
In reality, they ended up at what was probably their 2nd choice from the start and probably a better fit for them than the ED1 school in reality. They are happy and thriving.

Btw, if I was awaiting a biopsy result and my friend was as well, ALL of my friends would be overjoyed for me to share that my result was negative!! Even if they were still waiting or had just gotten a bad result. However, I would let my friend know before I posted something to let the rest of my friends/family both near and far know (that's what we use FB for, to reach those not nearby). I guess I don't have vindictive friends....my friends would all be genuinely happy for me and my families success/good news, and likewise for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

Yup, nailed it.

But one problem is there are some people who actually like that their good news makes other people sad or jealous. And then there are people who genuinely don't understand how anyone could possibly not be happy for their kid or family in this situation and view anything other than enthusiasm as selfish.

So yeah, some people just do not get it.

Yes, I just don't get how I cannot be happy for a Friend whose kid got into Harvard or Stanford or any other school, simply because my kid got rejected by the same school. I genuinely celebrate my friends and families happy moments in life. I'm an adult and don't need to be petty because my kid didn't have the same results. Sure there might be a twinge of jealousy, but just a twinge and then I'd celebrate the huge accomplishment for my friend's kid!