Bragging vs. honest celebrating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

I do get it. I also know my best friend held me a baby shower while undergoing infertility treatment. Now that was her offer and I gave her an out. But that’s incredible friendship and grace. By the time you start college, you should have the grit to get past the participation trophy stage. Not everyone will get the job they want, the promotion they want, the husband they want, the baby they want , etc.

We shouldn’t just be raising kids who value “wining” (although I think we have a skewed view of what winning is in the context of college admissions. My kids “win” is often cited by this Board as not being a school other kids want). We should be raising kids who are resilient and gracious. And who can be grateful for what they have, view it with gratitude instead of disappointment, and make it work for them. JUM instead of UVA is still a great result, and a JUM kid can go anywhere a UVA kid can. And both should be able to celebrate theur accomplishments (obviously without rubbing it in or devaluing what other do).

And if we are coddling parents feelings— grow the f—- up. College admissions isn’t a zero sum game on the individual level. Highly unlikely the other kid “took” your kids spot. Kids take their cues from parents. So model grace, grit, gratitude and making the best of imperfect situations. Your kid will be happier in the only run if they have these qualities.

+1000

Best response yet!

[Anonymous]

The high school newspaper at my daughter's MC school at the end of the year lists what schools everyone is attending. The cat will be out of the bag eventually.

I could care less what schools other kids are attending. I just want my daughter to find the school that is the right fit for her.

[Anonymous]

The biopsy poster was off - college ain’t life and death. And, as another poster said, there are so many areas in life where some could be said to win or lose in the moment - jobs, marriage, kids, house, investments, inheritance, etc. it makes total sense to not be an a$$hole, but it also makes sense to not be a snowflake. Part of maturity is trying hard, accepting outcomes, being gracious, and working hard to do better next time. No one wins in a culture of participation trophies - winners are shamed and losers are coddled.

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty rich when the parents who posted every soccer goal and trophy for the past decade whine about someone else posting where their kid is going to college. Why is it more acceptable to share about sports than academics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You celebrate in your house and with your immediate family and maybe with some close friends (if and only if they do not have kids who are around the same age). Beyond that, I typically consider it to be bragging. Think why you are sharing the news.

Helpful, thanks. But I'm someone who's curious where friends' kids are going and would like to celebrate with them. Am I in the minority?

NP. Yes. Most people find the social media admissions posts very tacky, unless there is a very good reason (e.g a kid who had cancer in high school and yet still managed to get into college).

You can celebrate admissions without knowing the schools. You’ll find out where they go in a few short months.

I guess I am not most people and my friends are not most people. We love posts about where kids are going.

[Anonymous]

My take is, of course you’re excited. But most everyone is going to college. So everyone is getting in somewhere. Once they’re in, you should not be celebrating a good college vs a bad college to others like you won something. Personally I think publicly announcing at graduation is the best time if you must. It’s when the next step is most relevant. Also I know people who announced on 5/1, then retracted when they got off a waitlist a few weeks later. We all still remember that you were waitlisted Gladys!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty rich when the parents who posted every soccer goal and trophy for the past decade whine about someone else posting where their kid is going to college. Why is it more acceptable to share about sports than academics?

Because that's what counts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty rich when the parents who posted every soccer goal and trophy for the past decade whine about someone else posting where their kid is going to college. Why is it more acceptable to share about sports than academics?

When I win it’s hard work and achievement; when you win it’s luck.

[Anonymous]

Is there anyone on here who agrees posting where your kid got in is ok AND they don’t post many of their kids’ accomplishments?

From these responses, I guess there are two camps:

1. People who think it’s great to celebrate big and little accomplishments and if the reader or hearer doesn’t like it, too bad.

2. People who think it’s braggy to post accomplishments because people don’t want to hear about it and all people close enough to you will already know or soon know where your child is going (from conversations where it naturally comes up, HS announces it, from other friends, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone on here who agrees posting where your kid got in is ok AND they don’t post many of their kids’ accomplishments?

From these responses, I guess there are two camps:

1. People who think it’s great to celebrate big and little accomplishments and if the reader or hearer doesn’t like it, too bad.

2. People who think it’s braggy to post accomplishments because people don’t want to hear about it and all people close enough to you will already know or soon know where your child is going (from conversations where it naturally comes up, HS announces it, from other friends, etc.)

I’d nuance camp one. Most don’t think bragging is OK. But simply announcing your child’s outcome is fine: “Larla got good news from Yale today!”

[Anonymous]

I have one in college and a senior. I personally think that once your kid has accepted and you've submitted a deposit, it is fine to say we have a future "tiger" or whatever on your Facebook or instagram. I love to see where kids are going.

The people that post all their kids acceptances on social media are gross. These folks never say where their kids didn't get in. It is too braggy. Most people who follow you on social media only care where your kid is actually going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

Bragging is telling anyone that is not related to you especially if they don't ask. Be proud and celebrate but, do not share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone on here who agrees posting where your kid got in is ok AND they don’t post many of their kids’ accomplishments?

From these responses, I guess there are two camps:

1. People who think it’s great to celebrate big and little accomplishments and if the reader or hearer doesn’t like it, too bad.

2. People who think it’s braggy to post accomplishments because people don’t want to hear about it and all people close enough to you will already know or soon know where your child is going (from conversations where it naturally comes up, HS announces it, from other friends, etc.)

I’d nuance camp one. Most don’t think bragging is OK. But simply announcing your child’s outcome is fine: “Larla got good news from Yale today!”

announcing this where???

I'm of the camp that no one beyond your sister and your bestie should know the entire rundown of where Larla did or did not get in. Nobody cares. Post "she's committed! Congrats to the class of 2024!" with a picture of Larla in her Yale sweatshirt on may 1 if you must.

[Anonymous]

Guys. Seriously? Who cares what people post? I have friends who just lurk on social media and others who post tons of pictures from their fancy vacations, new homes, college visits, college move-in, workout milestones, etc. Sometimes it gets over the top and sometimes seems a little insensitive and sometimes it's just TMI, but when that happens I laugh about it with my SO and close the app. The bottom line is that no one is going to agree on this. Live and let live. It's not that complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

You don't get to dictate the line for others. If you dont like it, perhaps Social Media isn't for you.