Bragging vs. honest celebrating

[Anonymous]

It’s just college, people. NO ONE CARES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the only people who can get away with doing it loudly are special needs kids who overcame lots of challenges and managed to get into random state tech college. Or a kid from a very low income family who managed to get a spot at one of the less selective meets need schools like Syracuse, where they can actually afford to attend.

Syracuse? Less selective? My 4.3 kid did not get accepted. Maybe it’s less selective for certain majors and colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When everything shut down for Covid it looked like DD would be at UMD. Then she got off a waitlist at an ivy. Most of my coworkers probably still think she went to UMD. If ti does not come up it does not need to be an announcement.

Was she accepted to the UMD honors program? They are really good at accepting students who also get into Ivies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I now live in the Detroit area, where people apparently think the purpose of post-secondary bumper stickers & rear window decals is merely to inform others of where they studied, rather than to brag like the chest-pounders in the East do. Community college students sometimes like to let fellow motorists where they are working on their associate’s degree. However, my favorite vehicular adornment was a rear-window decal that read “Academy of Court Reporting.”

I'm from the Detroit area and was just thinking that I had no idea a bumper sticker / window decal was so offensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

This is correct. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

Yup, nailed it.

But one problem is there are some people who actually like that their good news makes other people sad or jealous. And then there are people who genuinely don't understand how anyone could possibly not be happy for their kid or family in this situation and view anything other than enthusiasm as selfish.

So yeah, some people just do not get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You celebrate in your house and with your immediate family and maybe with some close friends (if and only if they do not have kids who are around the same age). Beyond that, I typically consider it to be bragging. Think why you are sharing the news.

Helpful, thanks. But I'm someone who's curious where friends' kids are going and would like to celebrate with them. Am I in the minority?

I am also genuinely interested in celebrating the successes of kids I’ve watched grow up. And I don’t care if it is a #1 ranked school or #1,000 ranked school, they deserve to be excited and their parents deserve to be proud. I’m rooting for them all to go be their best, happiest selves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

You'd be proud of your kid. I don't think it's "bragging" to say that publicly and acknowledge his success. And if it is bragging . . . . so what? You say it once, and not obnoxiously, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

This is correct. Well said.

Most of what is shared will cause someone else distress or discomfort, first of all. It is incumbent on those people to stay off and not others to not use SM for its purpose.

And your analogy is ridiculous. They are not the same things. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You celebrate in your house and with your immediate family and maybe with some close friends (if and only if they do not have kids who are around the same age). Beyond that, I typically consider it to be bragging. Think why you are sharing the news.

Helpful, thanks. But I'm someone who's curious where friends' kids are going and would like to celebrate with them. Am I in the minority?

I am also genuinely interested in celebrating the successes of kids I’ve watched grow up. And I don’t care if it is a #1 ranked school or #1,000 ranked school, they deserve to be excited and their parents deserve to be proud. I’m rooting for them all to go be their best, happiest selves.

I love it, too. A single, humble post from the parents is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I now live in the Detroit area, where people apparently think the purpose of post-secondary bumper stickers & rear window decals is merely to inform others of where they studied, rather than to brag like the chest-pounders in the East do. Community college students sometimes like to let fellow motorists where they are working on their associate’s degree. However, my favorite vehicular adornment was a rear-window decal that read “Academy of Court Reporting.”

I originally from Detroit. The bumper/window stickers are meant to be a source of pride and school spirit. Even if HYPSM were on any of them, locals wouldn’t be, “offended.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting on decisions and aren't the selective schools types anyway, so this is a very academic question - but where's the line? We're not really HYP people, but if DS really wanted to go and got in, I would be over the moon for him. Same for his high reaches that probably aren't impressive to anyone here. Just curious.

No need to share these kinds of news with anyone but your nearest family members. That is the line. If people ask then tell them. Otherwise, there is zero reason to share anything that can be considered braggy.

PP here. I think families should be able to celebrate in any way they choose. You don't have to be happy for them, just don't act out and be a petulant child about it.

Then you miss the point that others may not be celebrating the news they’ve received. While you’re happily sharing, you could be purposefully causing others pain, discomfort, etc. why would anyone do that? If you and your neighbor were both awaiting biopsy results, would you celebrate in any way you chose…including in front of your neighbor who either found out his results or was still waiting for them?

Either you get it or you don’t.

I do get it. I also know my best friend held me a baby shower while undergoing infertility treatment. Now that was her offer and I gave her an out. But that’s incredible friendship and grace. By the time you start college, you should have the grit to get past the participation trophy stage. Not everyone will get the job they want, the promotion they want, the husband they want, the baby they want , etc.

We shouldn’t just be raising kids who value “wining” (although I think we have a skewed view of what winning is in the context of college admissions. My kids “win” is often cited by this Board as not being a school other kids want). We should be raising kids who are resilient and gracious. And who can be grateful for what they have, view it with gratitude instead of disappointment, and make it work for them. JUM instead of UVA is still a great result, and a JUM kid can go anywhere a UVA kid can. And both should be able to celebrate theur accomplishments (obviously without rubbing it in or devaluing what other do).

And if we are coddling parents feelings— grow the f—- up. College admissions isn’t a zero sum game on the individual level. Highly unlikely the other kid “took” your kids spot. Kids take their cues from parents. So model grace, grit, gratitude and making the best of imperfect situations. Your kid will be happier in the only run if they have these qualities.