Odd visit from DS GF dad

[Anonymous]

I think Mike Pence is on this thread. Absolute wackadoo MRA stuff going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why wouldn't you have met him? He is her Father.

(I actually think letting her stay at your house till 9:30pm on school nights is pretty horrible.)

Kindly, shut the f&ck up. You’re either a troll or a weirdo, in either case no one likes you and you have no friends.

This poster is way out of line. The father did nothing wrong. He came to OP's house, asked to speak with his daughter, said something that made her upset, and left 10 minutes later. You know teens can be upset at the drop of a hat, right? If I invited my 17 year old son's girlfriend to stay with us until 9:30pm, and one of her parents showed up to remonstrate with her, I would not feel the father was out of line.

I imagine what he said was: "I was not aware you were seeing a boyfriend at this time of the night. This is not OK, I will be speaking to your mother about this." And all three of them are currently in the midst of an argument about it as we speak.

Or maybe they argued about something completely different. Maybe he's a terrible person. Maybe he loves her and is genuinely worried about her. NO ONE KNOWS. So you shouldn't be judging.

Reading comprehension- he popped in at 7:30 - not 9:30. No reason to freak out at 7:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

She literally witnessed this incident and then comforted the gf at 7:30pm - she was home well before 9pm, which the parent of an orchestra teen has let us know is when teens start having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

OP here. Sorry I wasn’t clear. I am HOME when she is over, as is my husband and other son. One of us may need to run an errand but someone is home. She eats dinner with us. They watch movies in the living room. Or play candy crush. Or watch stupid tick tick. I can hear them.
And it’s not every night. It’s like 1-2 weeknights and 1-2 weekend nights, depends on everyone’s schedules.
It would have made more sense for him to get our contact information from her mother and reach out to us if he had any concerns or wanted to meet us.
Before this visit, I already knew she rarely saw him, and that he really wasn’t in her life. I don’t think this was his night to have her by any stretch.
He lives at least 45 miles away - this was calculated and he could have attempted to let us know he was stopping by.
But I can understand a concerned parent overreacting and jumping to conclusions. Good to get a different perspective. And yes, teenagers do get easily upset. I just felt bad for her.
And honestly, if they’re going to have sex, I can’t stop it. They could be getting busy in her car in the school parking lot. But I am not making it easy just by allowing them to watch movies in the living room while I’m home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child turned off the locator app, I’d be looking for her. And I’d go to the places that I’d tracked her to before. I think you’re off base here.

Yeah me too.

Whoa. This probably ought to be raised in a separate thread, but you track your teen’s’ whereabouts all the time?

Not those posters but yes, I do and they track me as well. If they don't want a tracker, they can pay for their own phone as it’s for my needs, not theirs.

But, so often that you know where they are at all times and freak out if you can’t immediately locate their whereabouts? That seems like a major privacy violation. If they are late getting home, fine, but creepy otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

OP here. Sorry I wasn’t clear. I am HOME when she is over, as is my husband and other son. One of us may need to run an errand but someone is home. She eats dinner with us. They watch movies in the living room. Or play candy crush. Or watch stupid tick tick. I can hear them.
And it’s not every night. It’s like 1-2 weeknights and 1-2 weekend nights, depends on everyone’s schedules.
It would have made more sense for him to get our contact information from her mother and reach out to us if he had any concerns or wanted to meet us.
Before this visit, I already knew she rarely saw him, and that he really wasn’t in her life. I don’t think this was his night to have her by any stretch.
He lives at least 45 miles away - this was calculated and he could have attempted to let us know he was stopping by.
But I can understand a concerned parent overreacting and jumping to conclusions. Good to get a different perspective. And yes, teenagers do get easily upset. I just felt bad for her.
And honestly, if they’re going to have sex, I can’t stop it. They could be getting busy in her car in the school parking lot. But I am not making it easy just by allowing them to watch movies in the living room while I’m home.

You'll be 50% responsible, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son and this girl have been dating for all of two months. You’re in no position to judge her father. You don’t know anything about the family dynamics. Mind your own friggin business.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why wouldn't you have met him? He is her Father.

(I actually think letting her stay at your house till 9:30pm on school nights is pretty horrible.)

Kindly, shut the f&ck up. You’re either a troll or a weirdo, in either case no one likes you and you have no friends.

This poster is way out of line. The father did nothing wrong. He came to OP's house, asked to speak with his daughter, said something that made her upset, and left 10 minutes later. You know teens can be upset at the drop of a hat, right? If I invited my 17 year old son's girlfriend to stay with us until 9:30pm, and one of her parents showed up to remonstrate with her, I would not feel the father was out of line.

I imagine what he said was: "I was not aware you were seeing a boyfriend at this time of the night. This is not OK, I will be speaking to your mother about this." And all three of them are currently in the midst of an argument about it as we speak.

Or maybe they argued about something completely different. Maybe he's a terrible person. Maybe he loves her and is genuinely worried about her. NO ONE KNOWS. So you shouldn't be judging.

Reading comprehension- he popped in at 7:30 - not 9:30. No reason to freak out at 7:30.

I kind of agree with that poster. A parent came to the house where he was obviously informed his daughter was going to be until 9:30 pm, asked to speak to his daughter, and left 10 minutes later. What’s the issue with that? It would be weirder if OP prevented him from speaking to his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

OP here. Sorry I wasn’t clear. I am HOME when she is over, as is my husband and other son. One of us may need to run an errand but someone is home. She eats dinner with us. They watch movies in the living room. Or play candy crush. Or watch stupid tick tick. I can hear them.
And it’s not every night. It’s like 1-2 weeknights and 1-2 weekend nights, depends on everyone’s schedules.
It would have made more sense for him to get our contact information from her mother and reach out to us if he had any concerns or wanted to meet us.
Before this visit, I already knew she rarely saw him, and that he really wasn’t in her life. I don’t think this was his night to have her by any stretch.
He lives at least 45 miles away - this was calculated and he could have attempted to let us know he was stopping by.
But I can understand a concerned parent overreacting and jumping to conclusions. Good to get a different perspective. And yes, teenagers do get easily upset. I just felt bad for her.
And honestly, if they’re going to have sex, I can’t stop it. They could be getting busy in her car in the school parking lot. But I am not making it easy just by allowing them to watch movies in the living room while I’m home.

You'll be 50% responsible, though.

I’d be 0% responsible since I would not be having sex with either of them. My son would be 50% responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why wouldn't you have met him? He is her Father.

(I actually think letting her stay at your house till 9:30pm on school nights is pretty horrible.)

The girl is 17, not 12.

+ 1. My kid was a college student while still 17!

Without knowing more it’s hard to say exactly what’s going on as far as controlling dad v. ducking teen. Based on just what’s in the OP, I’d the GF and her mom handle it.

She wasn't dating a 26 year old when she was in college, was she?

No, and neither is this girl. OPs son is 16, not 26!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why wouldn't you have met him? He is her Father.

(I actually think letting her stay at your house till 9:30pm on school nights is pretty horrible.)

Kindly, shut the f&ck up. You’re either a troll or a weirdo, in either case no one likes you and you have no friends.

This poster is way out of line. The father did nothing wrong. He came to OP's house, asked to speak with his daughter, said something that made her upset, and left 10 minutes later. You know teens can be upset at the drop of a hat, right? If I invited my 17 year old son's girlfriend to stay with us until 9:30pm, and one of her parents showed up to remonstrate with her, I would not feel the father was out of line.

I imagine what he said was: "I was not aware you were seeing a boyfriend at this time of the night. This is not OK, I will be speaking to your mother about this." And all three of them are currently in the midst of an argument about it as we speak.

Or maybe they argued about something completely different. Maybe he's a terrible person. Maybe he loves her and is genuinely worried about her. NO ONE KNOWS. So you shouldn't be judging.

Reading comprehension- he popped in at 7:30 - not 9:30. No reason to freak out at 7:30.

Kid might have been told they cannot go out, had homework or test the next day. Is OP making sure homework is done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child turned off the locator app, I’d be looking for her. And I’d go to the places that I’d tracked her to before. I think you’re off base here.

Yeah me too.

Whoa. This probably ought to be raised in a separate thread, but you track your teen’s’ whereabouts all the time?

Not those posters but yes, I do and they track me as well. If they don't want a tracker, they can pay for their own phone as it’s for my needs, not theirs.

But, so often that you know where they are at all times and freak out if you can’t immediately locate their whereabouts? That seems like a major privacy violation. If they are late getting home, fine, but creepy otherwise.

You don't get privacy as a child. Even before cell phones, I always had to tell my parents where I was and call if I was late.

Yes, I know where they are at all times, and they know where I am. You should try parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

OP here. Sorry I wasn’t clear. I am HOME when she is over, as is my husband and other son. One of us may need to run an errand but someone is home. She eats dinner with us. They watch movies in the living room. Or play candy crush. Or watch stupid tick tick. I can hear them.
And it’s not every night. It’s like 1-2 weeknights and 1-2 weekend nights, depends on everyone’s schedules.
It would have made more sense for him to get our contact information from her mother and reach out to us if he had any concerns or wanted to meet us.
Before this visit, I already knew she rarely saw him, and that he really wasn’t in her life. I don’t think this was his night to have her by any stretch.
He lives at least 45 miles away - this was calculated and he could have attempted to let us know he was stopping by.
But I can understand a concerned parent overreacting and jumping to conclusions. Good to get a different perspective. And yes, teenagers do get easily upset. I just felt bad for her.
And honestly, if they’re going to have sex, I can’t stop it. They could be getting busy in her car in the school parking lot. But I am not making it easy just by allowing them to watch movies in the living room while I’m home.

Why didn't you talk to him and invite him in? Why aren't the kids doing their schoolwork? This seems odd to me that they have this much time. Maybe it was his visitation time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.

It's late enough for teen sex and teen pregnancy, is what we mean, PP. You should get this without us having to spell it out.
The later they hang out, the worse it gets.
This has nothing to do with evening activities. My 12 year old's orchestra gets out at 9pm. Not the same thing at all!

Thank you for clarifying that teen sex only happens after 9pm outside of school activities. Thank you for spelling this out for us. Your 12 year old will NOT be a team parent!!

I did not say that. I said it gets worse the later it is. And I'm right.

My 12 year old will probably not be a team parent, you are correct.

The time doesn't matter, the presence of parents does. It sounds like OP is present for these hang outs, so why the fixation with the time?

No, it doesn't.

She literally witnessed this incident and then comforted the gf at 7:30pm - she was home well before 9pm, which the parent of an orchestra teen has let us know is when teens start having sex.

We put our kids in orchestra and activities to keep them busy and out of houses like OP who don't care about activities, homework, etc. How does this HS student have that much time to spend all night hanging out?