Odd visit from DS GF dad

[Anonymous]

I would assume that this perhaps not very socially-attuned father suddenly had a freak-out, and this resulted in the encounter you witnessed. In the moment he really wasn't thinking about the consequences of his actions on you, the parents of the boy. He was worried about his daughter, and probably wasn't too pleased to find her at her boyfriend's house, with possibly permissive adults, with an equally permissive custodial ex-wife in the background, allowing this.

In fact, if a post was created on DCUM from the point of view of a distraught dad finding out that his teen daughter is off gallivanting with a boyfriend in the evening, deploring that his ex-wife is allowing this, I'm sure it would garner some sympathy.

So since you don't know this family, and there are two sides to every story... I suggest you move on without judging too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoken to the parents? You may have rules for your home, but they have different rules and it sounds like she should not have been at your house.

Sorry, the custodial parent sets the rules - and the custodial parent is fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you spoken to the parents? You may have rules for your home, but they have different rules and it sounds like she should not have been at your house.

Sorry, the custodial parent sets the rules - and the custodial parent is fine with it.

No, both parents set the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I would assume that this perhaps not very socially-attuned father suddenly had a freak-out, and this resulted in the encounter you witnessed. In the moment he really wasn't thinking about the consequences of his actions on you, the parents of the boy. He was worried about his daughter, and probably wasn't too pleased to find her at her boyfriend's house, with possibly permissive adults, with an equally permissive custodial ex-wife in the background, allowing this.

In fact, if a post was created on DCUM from the point of view of a distraught dad finding out that his teen daughter is off gallivanting with a boyfriend in the evening, deploring that his ex-wife is allowing this, I'm sure it would garner some sympathy.

So since you don't know this family, and there are two sides to every story... I suggest you move on without judging too much.

She should be home doing homework, not hanging out.

Maybe it was his custody/visitation night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son and this girl have been dating for all of two months. You’re in no position to judge her father. You don’t know anything about the family dynamics. Mind your own friggin business.

OP, be a kind warm figure for your son and GF. But drop the rest - this is not your lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I would assume that this perhaps not very socially-attuned father suddenly had a freak-out, and this resulted in the encounter you witnessed. In the moment he really wasn't thinking about the consequences of his actions on you, the parents of the boy. He was worried about his daughter, and probably wasn't too pleased to find her at her boyfriend's house, with possibly permissive adults, with an equally permissive custodial ex-wife in the background, allowing this.

In fact, if a post was created on DCUM from the point of view of a distraught dad finding out that his teen daughter is off gallivanting with a boyfriend in the evening, deploring that his ex-wife is allowing this, I'm sure it would garner some sympathy.

So since you don't know this family, and there are two sides to every story... I suggest you move on without judging too much.

You're kidding about judgement right? Calling fulltime parents permissive??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why wouldn't you have met him? He is her Father.

(I actually think letting her stay at your house till 9:30pm on school nights is pretty horrible.)

Kindly, shut the f&ck up. You’re either a troll or a weirdo, in either case no one likes you and you have no friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child turned off the locator app, I’d be looking for her. And I’d go to the places that I’d tracked her to before. I think you’re off base here.

Yeah me too.

When will you allow your kids to turn off the app? The kid is 17 . . .

Honestly 16 and 17 is the time to track when they are new drivers.

This makes no sense. Its definitely the time to make sure they have cells in case they're in an accident, but how does tracking their every move factor into that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why wouldn't you have met him? He is her Father.

(I actually think letting her stay at your house till 9:30pm on school nights is pretty horrible.)

Kindly, shut the f&ck up. You’re either a troll or a weirdo, in either case no one likes you and you have no friends.

Because her father seems minimally involved unless he doesn't have access to her every move . . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child turned off the locator app, I’d be looking for her. And I’d go to the places that I’d tracked her to before. I think you’re off base here.

Same here. I’d be knocking on your door too.

Without more facts, I’m team dad.

[Anonymous]

I'd be wondering about it too, OP. I'm sure you'll get more clues as to what is really going on as time progresses.

My instinct is that there's a reason he isn't in his child's life much, and he's certainly not making her more likely to be close to him by acting this way. But it's also possible they had an agreement he could track her and she was just being a teenager and trying to give him the slip. Either way, the fact that he couldn't talk to her mother and handle it that way is telling.

I'd just do what you've done . . . continue to be there for the kids, be a safe space, etc.

[Anonymous]

At 9:30pm she should be home, not at your house. Not on a school night. Parent better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would assume that this perhaps not very socially-attuned father suddenly had a freak-out, and this resulted in the encounter you witnessed. In the moment he really wasn't thinking about the consequences of his actions on you, the parents of the boy. He was worried about his daughter, and probably wasn't too pleased to find her at her boyfriend's house, with possibly permissive adults, with an equally permissive custodial ex-wife in the background, allowing this.

In fact, if a post was created on DCUM from the point of view of a distraught dad finding out that his teen daughter is off gallivanting with a boyfriend in the evening, deploring that his ex-wife is allowing this, I'm sure it would garner some sympathy.

So since you don't know this family, and there are two sides to every story... I suggest you move on without judging too much.

You're kidding about judgement right? Calling fulltime parents permissive??

Fulltime, part-time, or non-custodial parenting has no bearing on the belief system of a parent, PP. Some fulltime parents restrict their teen's freedoms significantly, and some do not. I would argue that an authoritarian father is *more* likely to freak out if he only sees his daughter infrequently, just because he's not the one communicating with friends, and parents of friends, trust has not been established, and he will be more suspicious.

This whole story is very predictable. Even before clicking on the link, I knew there would be a freaked-out father from OP's title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would assume that this perhaps not very socially-attuned father suddenly had a freak-out, and this resulted in the encounter you witnessed. In the moment he really wasn't thinking about the consequences of his actions on you, the parents of the boy. He was worried about his daughter, and probably wasn't too pleased to find her at her boyfriend's house, with possibly permissive adults, with an equally permissive custodial ex-wife in the background, allowing this.

In fact, if a post was created on DCUM from the point of view of a distraught dad finding out that his teen daughter is off gallivanting with a boyfriend in the evening, deploring that his ex-wife is allowing this, I'm sure it would garner some sympathy.

So since you don't know this family, and there are two sides to every story... I suggest you move on without judging too much.

You're kidding about judgement right? Calling fulltime parents permissive??

Fulltime, part-time, or non-custodial parenting has no bearing on the belief system of a parent, PP. Some fulltime parents restrict their teen's freedoms significantly, and some do not. I would argue that an authoritarian father is *more* likely to freak out if he only sees his daughter infrequently, just because he's not the one communicating with friends, and parents of friends, trust has not been established, and he will be more suspicious.

This whole story is very predictable. Even before clicking on the link, I knew there would be a freaked-out father from OP's title.

From the way OP is allowing things to proceed, he is doesn't sound wrong. OP doesn't have a girl so she seems entirely unconcerned about potential consequences.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised how many people think 9:30 is late on a school night for older teenagers.
One son has a club that doesn’t even get out until 9 PM. His lacrosse practice is every other night until 7:30.
The other has tennis until 5 or 6, and meets friends at the gym and exercise from 6:30-8:30 PM
High schoolers have odd schedules, and 9:30 isn’t “late”.
(And yes, they have 3.8 GPAs - I know, low by DCUM standards but not bad for the rest of society). They get their homework done, and still have time for clubs, sports, and friends.