Dad brings a guest with him, my half-sister... to stay with us for three weeks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can be inclusive without being in "host mode". To me, visiting family means you get the family experience-- the mess, the noise, the chicken nuggets, everything. You can be warm and caring to her without feeling like you have to treat her as a non-family guest, you know? And that also means asking her to help with chores. It's okay for her to learn the life lesson about overstaying your welcome, that showing up as an uninvited guest produces awkwardness and stresses out your host.

I would get your father alone and ask him very seriously when she will be leaving. Tell him that you cannot host two people for longer than X date. Yes it's awkward and feels rude, but really he's the rude one for springing this on you. He probably didn't ask for the full duration because he was afraid you would say no.

A.k.a. "return awkward to sender."

[Anonymous]

OP please come back and let us know how things have evolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a good therapist to help resolve your jealousy of your sister and your dad's relationship/closeness. It's obvious it really bothers you, OP.

Why pay for someone when she has you to diagnose her, ad nauseum.

Even if OP is jealous, it is still rude to impose on people for three weeks, and it's especially rude when you didn't know that was going to happen or even if three weeks is actually the limit.

Oh yes, super duper jealous of someone whose plans fell through, who has nothing going on in her life that is more important than imposing as a houseguest on her half-sister for three entire weeks. We're all just so very jealous of this.

[Anonymous]

This sucks. But when we have one too many house guests, I have my kid sleep on an air bed in our room, and have the visitor sleep in the kids room. It's more convenient than having someone take up the family room.

[Anonymous]

Hi, this is OP.

I'll talk to my dad tonight. The HS is working out of our guest room (teaches some online classes), literally says only "hi" and "thank you" to me, comes out to eat, I welcome adults to serve themselves (eg. there is chicken in the oven, please help yourselves), she asks dad to serve her, stares at her phone the entire dinner, dad said she is interested in going to the caps game with us (it would be fun for her to watch the game)... I was nice and friendly the first few day (great to see you, how have you been, how was your flight, here are clean towels, let me know if you need anything, you are welcome to anything in the fridge, here are some nice teas, join us for a board game...). She literally has not said anything to me along the lines of "good to see you" or "thanks for hosting me" or "how are you?" Yesterday, I said that I'd appreciate some help with meal prep if she is free, she was not. Later at dinner, I said that we love when our guests cook something for us; we always appreciate it. She said, oh, she is going to a museum today and will be late.

Dad, unprompted, mentioned that she's had an argument with her husband, and her U.S. plans fell through too, so she is in a bad mood...

My reaction to this after three days is: I truly sympathize and wish HS every blessing, and have hosted her and been warm and friendly for three days, I feel like I am just being used at this point. I'll talk to dad today to ask to come up with a plan for her; she can go home, she can find another accommodation, my house is not a hotel, restaurant or a "we work" space for people whose plans fall through and who can't even be bothered to be a good guest and offer to help and/or feign interest in hosts... I'll phrase it better though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sucks. But when we have one too many house guests, I have my kid sleep on an air bed in our room, and have the visitor sleep in the kids room. It's more convenient than having someone take up the family room.

Why should OP's family be inconvenienced for three weeks by an uninvited houseguest?

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a real dud and your dad is a user (of you) to keep her entertained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is OP.

I'll talk to my dad tonight. The HS is working out of our guest room (teaches some online classes), literally says only "hi" and "thank you" to me, comes out to eat, I welcome adults to serve themselves (eg. there is chicken in the oven, please help yourselves), she asks dad to serve her, stares at her phone the entire dinner, dad said she is interested in going to the caps game with us (it would be fun for her to watch the game)... I was nice and friendly the first few day (great to see you, how have you been, how was your flight, here are clean towels, let me know if you need anything, you are welcome to anything in the fridge, here are some nice teas, join us for a board game...). She literally has not said anything to me along the lines of "good to see you" or "thanks for hosting me" or "how are you?" Yesterday, I said that I'd appreciate some help with meal prep if she is free, she was not. Later at dinner, I said that we love when our guests cook something for us; we always appreciate it. She said, oh, she is going to a museum today and will be late.

Dad, unprompted, mentioned that she's had an argument with her husband, and her U.S. plans fell through too, so she is in a bad mood...

My reaction to this after three days is: I truly sympathize and wish HS every blessing, and have hosted her and been warm and friendly for three days, I feel like I am just being used at this point. I'll talk to dad today to ask to come up with a plan for her; she can go home, she can find another accommodation, my house is not a hotel, restaurant or a "we work" space for people whose plans fall through and who can't even be bothered to be a good guest and offer to help and/or feign interest in hosts... I'll phrase it better though.

Honest question -- why are you talking to your dad at this point instead of your half-sister? It seems -- at least to me -- that she has relied on your dad to run interference for her (asking if she can stay, breaking the news that it will be for more than a few days) and that is a good portion of the problem. What would happen if she hears from you, directly, that she needs a new plan?

[Anonymous]

OP, I wish you luck and peace. One thing to make absolutely clear to dad is that he's never to bring her to your house without your explicit invitation in the future. He's coddling her and stumping all over your boundaries. I'm sorry they're both using you this way.

[Anonymous]

I understand the half sister may be imposing-
but why is a parent being called out as a “house guest?” No matter what he is doing.
Please enlighten me.

[Anonymous]

This is OP.

I'll speak with dad, tomorrow morning now, too tired today, because with him, at least there is a chance that he will get it, learn a lesson (maybe) and do something about it. Also, he did the inviting to my place; he may have just said to the HS that sure she can come stay with me, I'd be happy to see her, not sure he discussed two days with her...

The HS is a spoiled young woman, who is unaware of how she comes across, but she is not bad or evil, she is just focused on her own problems, she has absolutely no idea what it is like to be a full-time working parent of young kids hosting someone for three weeks in a small house... and that someone thinks the house is a hotel/office space... Dad brought her; he should deal with her. I did my part to be nice and open, nobody cared, and that's ok, just no reason to be in my house...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the comments.

I am not concerned about the HS staying here indefinitely. Don't think she has any interest in me or my family, which is totally cool, or in staying with us and hanging out with my kids... I guess I am upset because I now have this person in my small personal space to whom I need to give mental energy because she is staying at my place and I feel I need to be hospitable and make her feel welcome...

Some examples, my dad wanted to go to a Caps game, we discussed doing this even before he came, I wanted to get three tickets, for me, my older son and for dad. Do I now need to invite the HS?


This is why I said you are jealous!! So obvious you don't want to share your dad. Get over it lady. Poor HS. Is it her fault she has a better relationship with your dad.
I bet you wish you were still the only princess. Sound like a brat with unresolved issues.
I took dad to my son's practice, where we walked and talked while my son was at practice. He asked if HS wanted to come (she did not want to because she was on the phone), but I just wanted to talk to my dad, walk, talk, grab coffee, and to not "entertain" and ask HS a few polite questions to make her feel included and welcome... She does not ask any questions or initiate conversation or offer to help, which I get she is young and may be slightly uncomfortable, but is it my job now to make her comfortable? I have so many other things to give my attention to...

My son has a tournament this weekend, we were planning to go to a restaurant after that. Do I invite HS to the tournament and the restaurant?

Perhaps, I would have loved to get to know my HS better if dad treated us both to a trip or hike or picnic or ice cream, but he brought her into my personal space when he knew how busy my life is... I feel that he did not consider my convenience; he just invited her along when her original plans fell through. I guess I feel kind of disrespected... that neither of them asked whether HS staying here for three weeks was ok/ nobody said thank you for hosting now that other plans did not work out. HS is polite, but pretty much says "hello" and "thank you" to me and my family and answers "yes, thank you" "no, thank you" when I say something like "there are fresh berries on the kitchen counter" or "I hope you slept well" to be polite...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

I'll speak with dad, tomorrow morning now, too tired today, because with him, at least there is a chance that he will get it, learn a lesson (maybe) and do something about it. Also, he did the inviting to my place; he may have just said to the HS that sure she can come stay with me, I'd be happy to see her, not sure he discussed two days with her...

The HS is a spoiled young woman, who is unaware of how she comes across, but she is not bad or evil, she is just focused on her own problems, she has absolutely no idea what it is like to be a full-time working parent of young kids hosting someone for three weeks in a small house... and that someone thinks the house is a hotel/office space... Dad brought her; he should dea
l with her. I did my part to be nice and open, nobody cared, and that's ok, just no reason to be in my house...

Jealous...you sound like a brat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

I'll speak with dad, tomorrow morning now, too tired today, because with him, at least there is a chance that he will get it, learn a lesson (maybe) and do something about it. Also, he did the inviting to my place; he may have just said to the HS that sure she can come stay with me, I'd be happy to see her, not sure he discussed two days with her...

The HS is a spoiled young woman, who is unaware of how she comes across, but she is not bad or evil, she is just focused on her own problems, she has absolutely no idea what it is like to be a full-time working parent of young kids hosting someone for three weeks in a small house... and that someone thinks the house is a hotel/office space... Dad brought her; he should deal with her. I did my part to be nice and open, nobody cared, and that's ok, just no reason to be in my house...

This is why I said you are jealous!! So obvious you don't want to share your dad. Get over it lady. Poor HS. Is it her fault she has a better relationship with your dad.
I bet you wish you were still the only princess. Sound like a brat with unresolved issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

I'll speak with dad, tomorrow morning now, too tired today, because with him, at least there is a chance that he will get it, learn a lesson (maybe) and do something about it. Also, he did the inviting to my place; he may have just said to the HS that sure she can come stay with me, I'd be happy to see her, not sure he discussed two days with her...

The HS is a spoiled young woman, who is unaware of how she comes across, but she is not bad or evil, she is just focused on her own problems, she has absolutely no idea what it is like to be a full-time working parent of young kids hosting someone for three weeks in a small house... and that someone thinks the house is a hotel/office space... Dad brought her; he should deal with her. I did my part to be nice and open, nobody cared, and that's ok, just no reason to be in my house...

This is why I said you are jealous!! So obvious you don't want to share your dad. Get over it lady. Poor HS. Is it her fault she has a better relationship with your dad.
I bet you wish you were still the only princess. Sound like a brat with unresolved issues.

Go away obvious troll.