Dad brings a guest with him, my half-sister... to stay with us for three weeks...

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP. You sound eminently reasonable to me, and you are keeping your cool with the peanut gallery yahoo here most admirably.

Cheers.

[Anonymous]

Team OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is OP. I took my dad out on a walk this morning and spoke to him.

I explained that I understand that this is not the best time in HS's life, and that I know life is complicated, unexpected things happen, and we all need to have empathy and show kindness to our fellow human beings, especially family.

He reiterated some of the HS problems; reminded me that she had a health issue a few years ago that required some gentle handling, and he and his wife coddled her, and he understands that that overprotective parenting caused her to become entitled and self-centered, and that he does not know what to do... He said, she finds DC boring (they went to a museum yesterday and are going to one today) and wants to spend a week or so in NYC while figuring out what to say to her husband when she comes back from her trip.

To that I said that (i) I do not need to know all of HS private information; (ii) I am very sympathetic, but do not see any of this as my action item; (iii) that "my bucket is empty"; I have nothing more to give to the situation, and (iv) sounds like HS going to NYC might be a good idea. He'll talk to her, but the preliminary plan is for them to stay over the weekend, go to my son's tournament, then go out for a meal. I'll be gentle and supportive. He would then take her to NYC Monday morning, and come back.

Exactly my point you are hell bent on trying to paint poor HS as bad. Calling her self centered and entitled. This is your sister who is going through a bad time. You could try and be there for her. Stop being an a*especially
Gosh really feel do bad for her. All you are doing is trying to validate your own feelings by getting people to say negative things about her and how you are so gracious. Sorry OP not buying your bs

Sister is old enough to be married, she’s old enough to behave courteously.

She's staying in her room out of OP's way who has made her feel comfortable. Pretty sure she can read OP's sour face.

** feel uncomfortable. She's already having a bad time. OP is making it worse.

Gosh why would showing up somewhere you weren't invited be a solution to whatever her problem is?

Maybe her father invited his daughter not knowing OP would be such an a**hole about it.
She is jealous of the relationship the father has with HS, the level of concern he has for her. He's being a dad get over it.
OP I bet if she's honest with her self is resentful of the relationship the dad and hs share because she wishes she had it. She probably blames hs existence for not having it and rhats why wants to exclude her from activities.

Okay, now I’m convinced there is sockpuppeting going on.

[Anonymous]

It's a mystery to me why someone would think their older half-siblings owe them a lot of help. Don't you have your parents to cater to you? Sort your own problems out, you'll feel better about yourself in the long run if you do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a mystery to me why someone would think their older half-siblings owe them a lot of help. Don't you have your parents to cater to you? Sort your own problems out, you'll feel better about yourself in the long run if you do!

And like, why would anyone want this? Do you really want to be someone who needs that much support from their parents as an adult, and from someone you don't even know? Come on. I do have half-siblings, and it's much, much, much better when they look after their own needs, stand on their own feet, and we can relate to each other on a level playing field and join in caring for our mutual parent. Not as a weird, resentment-filled quasi-parent-child relationship where you want my help but also resent me for being able to give it.

[Anonymous]

Can we just ignore the “OP is jealous” poster already? She is clearly trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a mystery to me why someone would think their older half-siblings owe them a lot of help. Don't you have your parents to cater to you? Sort your own problems out, you'll feel better about yourself in the long run if you do!

Who said HS was after emotional help from OP?

Team HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a mystery to me why someone would think their older half-siblings owe them a lot of help. Don't you have your parents to cater to you? Sort your own problems out, you'll feel better about yourself in the long run if you do!

Who said HS was after emotional help from OP?

Team HS

Not necessarily emotional help, but she wants a free place to stay for 3 weeks while she sorts out whatever her husband problem is. Isn't that help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is OP. I took my dad out on a walk this morning and spoke to him.

I explained that I understand that this is not the best time in HS's life, and that I know life is complicated, unexpected things happen, and we all need to have empathy and show kindness to our fellow human beings, especially family.

He reiterated some of the HS problems; reminded me that she had a health issue a few years ago that required some gentle handling, and he and his wife coddled her, and he understands that that overprotective parenting caused her to become entitled and self-centered, and that he does not know what to do... He said, she finds DC boring (they went to a museum yesterday and are going to one today) and wants to spend a week or so in NYC while figuring out what to say to her husband when she comes back from her trip.

To that I said that (i) I do not need to know all of HS private information; (ii) I am very sympathetic, but do not see any of this as my action item; (iii) that "my bucket is empty"; I have nothing more to give to the situation, and (iv) sounds like HS going to NYC might be a good idea. He'll talk to her, but the preliminary plan is for them to stay over the weekend, go to my son's tournament, then go out for a meal. I'll be gentle and supportive. He would then take her to NYC Monday morning, and come back.

Exactly my point you are hell bent on trying to paint poor HS as bad. Calling her self centered and entitled. This is your sister who is going through a bad time. You could try and be there for her. Stop being an a*especially
Gosh really feel do bad for her. All you are doing is trying to validate your own feelings by getting people to say negative things about her and how you are so gracious. Sorry OP not buying your bs

Sister is old enough to be married, she’s old enough to behave courteously.

She's staying in her room out of OP's way who has made her feel comfortable. Pretty sure she can read OP's sour face.

** feel uncomfortable. She's already having a bad time. OP is making it worse.

Gosh why would showing up somewhere you weren't invited be a solution to whatever her problem is?

Maybe her father invited his daughter not knowing OP would be such an a**hole about it.
She is jealous of the relationship the father has with HS, the level of concern he has for her. He's being a dad get over it.
OP I bet if she's honest with her self is resentful of the relationship the dad and hs share because she wishes she had it. She probably blames hs existence for not having it and rhats why wants to exclude her from activities.

Maybe the father should have asked OP before issuing the invitation. It's incredibly rude to invite someone to someone else's house.

I very much doubt that OP is jealous. As someone who has her own failure-to-launch, high-maintenance half and step siblings, I assure you I am not at all jealous of the attention they're getting. Because it isn't good for them in the long run. I'm much better off with the upbringing that I had and the relationship with my parents that I currently have. I do find them annoying, and I push back hard when my parents try to make their problems into my problem, like OP is doing now. But it sure isn't jealousy. And it doesn't sound like the HS' relationship with the dad is very good anyway, so what's to be jealous of?

Sounds like the dad tip-toes around his young adult daughter instead of expecting her to act like an adult.

This. Normal adults don’t alight to a relative’s house for 3 weeks, especially when it’s a relative they barely know. HS was not raised with OP. They are acquaintances. Normal adults wouldn’t crash at an acquaintance’s house for a few nights, let alone several weeks. This is not OP’s problem.

No indication that he tip toes.... she had health problems as OP stated. And as for the he doesn't have a great relationship - if that was the case why would HS visit with the Dad.

All of you HS haters are either first family kids or parents of first family kids

Or how about first kids from 1st family that is still together. No blended family here and I think HS is weird for showing up. Her dad must have convinced her to come for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a mystery to me why someone would think their older half-siblings owe them a lot of help. Don't you have your parents to cater to you? Sort your own problems out, you'll feel better about yourself in the long run if you do!

Who said HS was after emotional help from OP?

Team HS

Not necessarily emotional help, but she wants a free place to stay for 3 weeks while she sorts out whatever her husband problem is. Isn't that help?

Freeloader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is OP. I took my dad out on a walk this morning and spoke to him.

I explained that I understand that this is not the best time in HS's life, and that I know life is complicated, unexpected things happen, and we all need to have empathy and show kindness to our fellow human beings, especially family.

He reiterated some of the HS problems; reminded me that she had a health issue a few years ago that required some gentle handling, and he and his wife coddled her, and he understands that that overprotective parenting caused her to become entitled and self-centered, and that he does not know what to do... He said, she finds DC boring (they went to a museum yesterday and are going to one today) and wants to spend a week or so in NYC while figuring out what to say to her husband when she comes back from her trip.

To that I said that (i) I do not need to know all of HS private information; (ii) I am very sympathetic, but do not see any of this as my action item; (iii) that "my bucket is empty"; I have nothing more to give to the situation, and (iv) sounds like HS going to NYC might be a good idea. He'll talk to her, but the preliminary plan is for them to stay over the weekend, go to my son's tournament, then go out for a meal. I'll be gentle and supportive. He would then take her to NYC Monday morning, and come back.

Exactly my point you are hell bent on trying to paint poor HS as bad. Calling her self centered and entitled. This is your sister who is going through a bad time. You could try and be there for her. Stop being an a*especially
Gosh really feel do bad for her. All you are doing is trying to validate your own feelings by getting people to say negative things about her and how you are so gracious. Sorry OP not buying your bs

Sister is old enough to be married, she’s old enough to behave courteously.

She's staying in her room out of OP's way who has made her feel comfortable. Pretty sure she can read OP's sour face.

** feel uncomfortable. She's already having a bad time. OP is making it worse.

Gosh why would showing up somewhere you weren't invited be a solution to whatever her problem is?

Maybe her father invited his daughter not knowing OP would be such an a**hole about it.
She is jealous of the relationship the father has with HS, the level of concern he has for her. He's being a dad get over it.
OP I bet if she's honest with her self is resentful of the relationship the dad and hs share because she wishes she had it. She probably blames hs existence for not having it and rhats why wants to exclude her from activities.

Maybe the father should have asked OP before issuing the invitation. It's incredibly rude to invite someone to someone else's house.

I very much doubt that OP is jealous. As someone who has her own failure-to-launch, high-maintenance half and step siblings, I assure you I am not at all jealous of the attention they're getting. Because it isn't good for them in the long run. I'm much better off with the upbringing that I had and the relationship with my parents that I currently have. I do find them annoying, and I push back hard when my parents try to make their problems into my problem, like OP is doing now. But it sure isn't jealousy. And it doesn't sound like the HS' relationship with the dad is very good anyway, so what's to be jealous of?

Sounds like the dad tip-toes around his young adult daughter instead of expecting her to act like an adult.

This. Normal adults don’t alight to a relative’s house for 3 weeks, especially when it’s a relative they barely know. HS was not raised with OP. They are acquaintances. Normal adults wouldn’t crash at an acquaintance’s house for a few nights, let alone several weeks. This is not OP’s problem.

No indication that he tip toes.... she had health problems as OP stated. And as for the he doesn't have a great relationship - if that was the case why would HS visit with the Dad.

All of you HS haters are either first family kids or parents of first family kids

If he told her she could stay without asking OP first, then yes, he's tiptoeing. And he doesn't have a great relationship with the HS if he's not being honest with her. Something's not adding up here, and I suspect they want the OP to help deal with the HS' problems, whatever they are.

Everyone with common sense and common courtesy knows it's rude to show up as a surprise uninvited houseguest, even if you are related. I wouldn't do that to my own parents or to my full bio siblings, let alone half siblings. That is why OP is annoyed. She's being manipulated and something's not right here.

It doesn't matter how many times you mention how rude and dishonest it was for op's dad to pull this, that unhinged poster who clearly needs years of therapy is going to come right back to defend hs. Hs needs to be coddled and protected no matter how rude and self centered she is. That poster is never going to let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is OP. I took my dad out on a walk this morning and spoke to him.

I explained that I understand that this is not the best time in HS's life, and that I know life is complicated, unexpected things happen, and we all need to have empathy and show kindness to our fellow human beings, especially family.

He reiterated some of the HS problems; reminded me that she had a health issue a few years ago that required some gentle handling, and he and his wife coddled her, and he understands that that overprotective parenting caused her to become entitled and self-centered, and that he does not know what to do... He said, she finds DC boring (they went to a museum yesterday and are going to one today) and wants to spend a week or so in NYC while figuring out what to say to her husband when she comes back from her trip.

To that I said that (i) I do not need to know all of HS private information; (ii) I am very sympathetic, but do not see any of this as my action item; (iii) that "my bucket is empty"; I have nothing more to give to the situation, and (iv) sounds like HS going to NYC might be a good idea. He'll talk to her, but the preliminary plan is for them to stay over the weekend, go to my son's tournament, then go out for a meal. I'll be gentle and supportive. He would then take her to NYC Monday morning, and come back.

Exactly my point you are hell bent on trying to paint poor HS as bad. Calling her self centered and entitled. This is your sister who is going through a bad time. You could try and be there for her. Stop being an a*especially
Gosh really feel do bad for her. All you are doing is trying to validate your own feelings by getting people to say negative things about her and how you are so gracious. Sorry OP not buying your bs

Sister is old enough to be married, she’s old enough to behave courteously.

She's staying in her room out of OP's way who has made her feel comfortable. Pretty sure she can read OP's sour face.

** feel uncomfortable. She's already having a bad time. OP is making it worse.

Gosh why would showing up somewhere you weren't invited be a solution to whatever her problem is?

Maybe her father invited his daughter not knowing OP would be such an a**hole about it.
She is jealous of the relationship the father has with HS, the level of concern he has for her. He's being a dad get over it.
OP I bet if she's honest with her self is resentful of the relationship the dad and hs share because she wishes she had it. She probably blames hs existence for not having it and rhats why wants to exclude her from activities.

Maybe the father should have asked OP before issuing the invitation. It's incredibly rude to invite someone to someone else's house.

I very much doubt that OP is jealous. As someone who has her own failure-to-launch, high-maintenance half and step siblings, I assure you I am not at all jealous of the attention they're getting. Because it isn't good for them in the long run. I'm much better off with the upbringing that I had and the relationship with my parents that I currently have. I do find them annoying, and I push back hard when my parents try to make their problems into my problem, like OP is doing now. But it sure isn't jealousy. And it doesn't sound like the HS' relationship with the
dad is very good anyway, so what's to be jealous of?

Typical child of the "first family"

DP. I’m a “second family child” and this strikes me as weird af. If OP is jealous of her then HS probably knows that so why on earth would she want to stay with her for three weeks? I have an okay relationship with my older HS much closer than OP’s but I would never stay at her house that length of time. If you didn’t grow up in the same household it’s not the typical sibling relationship and a sibling or parent are the only people you can comfortably stay with for a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is OP. I took my dad out on a walk this morning and spoke to him.

I explained that I understand that this is not the best time in HS's life, and that I know life is complicated, unexpected things happen, and we all need to have empathy and show kindness to our fellow human beings, especially family.

He reiterated some of the HS problems; reminded me that she had a health issue a few years ago that required some gentle handling, and he and his wife coddled her, and he understands that that overprotective parenting caused her to become entitled and self-centered, and that he does not know what to do... He said, she finds DC boring (they went to a museum yesterday and are going to one today) and wants to spend a week or so in NYC while figuring out what to say to her husband when she comes back from her trip.

To that I said that (i) I do not need to know all of HS private information; (ii) I am very sympathetic, but do not see any of this as my action item; (iii) that "my bucket is empty"; I have nothing more to give to the situation, and (iv) sounds like HS going to NYC might be a good idea. He'll talk to her, but the preliminary plan is for them to stay over the weekend, go to my son's tournament, then go out for a meal. I'll be gentle and supportive. He would then take her to NYC Monday morning, and come back.

Exactly my point you are hell bent on trying to paint poor HS as bad. Calling her self centered and entitled. This is your sister who is going through a bad time. You could try and be there for her. Stop being an a*especially
Gosh really feel do bad for her. All you are doing is trying to validate your own feelings by getting people to say negative things about her and how you are so gracious. Sorry OP not buying your bs

Sister is old enough to be married, she’s old enough to behave courteously.

She's staying in her room out of OP's way who has made her feel comfortable. Pretty sure she can read OP's sour face.

It’s not HS’s room. It’s supposed to be dads room. If she’d been on the couch in the first place (as the more temporary guest should’ve have expected), she might have flown the coop by now.

[Anonymous]

I wonder … did dad and HS go to NY?

[Anonymous]

If your two kids are school aged and have their own rooms, maybe they could share?