Dad brings a guest with him, my half-sister... to stay with us for three weeks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you not have a TV in your room, and why do you keep referring to your sister as half sister? If you need to have a problem here, you should have one with your dad. Also, it needs to be said, you're an a**hole for not making more of an effort to get to know her. Enjoy those 3 weeks!

Oh look, mooching half-sister found this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the more ominous note is she has no return ticket.

I would sit them down and explain what you've said here. You didn't expect two visitors for several weeks, there isn't the space for this many people. Ask her point blank when she is leaving and get her a blow up mattress. She's not to take a bed from your Father.

+1. I'd be worried you have a new (non-paying) tenant

Yes, this is a valid concern. Are you in DC? I believe guest of over 2 weeks during a 6 mo. period technically becomes a tenant. Then, if they don't leave willingly, you have to go through formal eviction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you not have a TV in your room, and why do you keep referring to your sister as half sister? If you need to have a problem here, you should have one with your dad. Also, it needs to be said, you're an a**hole for not making more of an effort to get to know her. Enjoy those 3 weeks!

SERIOUSLY? OP is an a**hole? How about uninvited guests who don't have the guts to say how long they are staying? And yes, she is a half sister. They only share their father, their mothers are different. HALF.

OP is def a**hole. Jealous of her half sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the more ominous note is she has no return ticket.

I would sit them down and explain what you've said here. You didn't expect two visitors for several weeks, there isn't the space for this many people. Ask her point blank when she is leaving and get her a blow up mattress. She's not to take a bed from your Father.

+1. I'd be worried you have a new (non-paying) tenant

Yes, this is a valid concern. Are you in DC? I believe guest of over 2 weeks during a 6 mo. period technically becomes a tenant. Then, if they don't leave willingly, you have to go through formal eviction.

This is not a concern at all. Half sister is an overseas visitor here on what is most likely a tourist visa. They won’t magically become a tenant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the more ominous note is she has no return ticket.

I would sit them down and explain what you've said here. You didn't expect two visitors for several weeks, there isn't the space for this many people. Ask her point blank when she is leaving and get her a blow up mattress. She's not to take a bed from your Father.

+1. I'd be worried you have a new (non-paying) tenant

Yes, this is a valid concern. Are you in DC? I believe guest of over 2 weeks during a 6 mo. period technically becomes a tenant. Then, if they don't leave willingly, you have to go through formal eviction.

This is not a concern at all. Half sister is an overseas visitor here on what is most likely a tourist visa. They won’t magically become a tenant.

Exactly

Pretty sure the women attacking here are jealous of their own kids half siblings. Losers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you not have a TV in your room, and why do you keep referring to your sister as half sister? If you need to have a problem here, you should have one with your dad. Also, it needs to be said, you're an a**hole for not making more of an effort to get to know her. Enjoy those 3 weeks!

SERIOUSLY? OP is an a**hole? How about uninvited guests who don't have the guts to say how long they are staying? And yes, she is a half sister. They only share their father, their mothers are different. HALF.

OP is def a**hole. Jealous of her half sister

Why would she be jealous of someone who can't even afford a hotel and has to mooch off her barely known relative?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the comments.

I am not concerned about the HS staying here indefinitely. Don't think she has any interest in me or my family, which is totally cool, or in staying with us and hanging out with my kids... I guess I am upset because I now have this person in my small personal space to whom I need to give mental energy because she is staying at my place and I feel I need to be hospitable and make her feel welcome...

Some examples, my dad wanted to go to a Caps game, we discussed doing this even before he came, I wanted to get three tickets, for me, my older son and for dad. Do I now need to invite the HS?

I took dad to my son's practice, where we walked and talked while my son was at practice. He asked if HS wanted to come (she did not want to because she was on the phone), but I just wanted to talk to my dad, walk, talk, grab coffee, and to not "entertain" and ask HS a few polite questions to make her feel included and welcome... She does not ask any questions or initiate conversation or offer to help, which I get she is young and may be slightly uncomfortable, but is it my job now to make her comfortable? I have so many other things to give my attention to...

My son has a tournament this weekend, we were planning to go to a restaurant after that. Do I invite HS to the tournament and the restaurant?

Perhaps, I would have loved to get to know my HS better if dad treated us both to a trip or hike or picnic or ice cream, but he brought her into my personal space when he knew how busy my life is... I feel that he did not consider my convenience; he just invited her along when her original plans fell through. I guess I feel kind of disrespected... that neither of them asked whether HS staying here for three weeks was ok/ nobody said thank you for hosting now that other plans did not work out. HS is polite, but pretty much says "hello" and "thank you" to me and my family and answers "yes, thank you" "no, thank you" when I say something like "there are fresh berries on the kitchen counter" or "I hope you slept well" to be polite...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Appreciate the supportive comments.

I will suggest that since the HS will be staying longer than two days, we will add an inflatable bed in the guest room "so that everyone is more comfortable."

And, yes, with all of my guests, I only "host" the first day, everyone gets a welcome meal, clean bed, clean shower and plenty of food in the fridge. I then trust people to figure things out. I will ask for help with meal prep and cleanup.

The HS is married, so I'm sure she will want to go back home to her husband after the three weeks here (I hope

It has been therapeutic to share this. Thank you.

You are doing the right thing and are a truly kind, caring, and compassionate person! Other posters have given you excellent advice, and I'm glad you're taking it. I can't imagine being put in that position and admire your maturity and grace under pressure!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the more ominous note is she has no return ticket.

I would sit them down and explain what you've said here. You didn't expect two visitors for several weeks, there isn't the space for this many people. Ask her point blank when she is leaving and get her a blow up mattress. She's not to take a bed from your Father.

+1. I'd be worried you have a new (non-paying) tenant

Yes, this is a valid concern. Are you in DC? I believe guest of over 2 weeks during a 6 mo. period technically becomes a tenant. Then, if they don't leave willingly, you have to go through formal eviction.

Are you kidding??! You can't have your own parents stay more than 2 weeks?

[Anonymous]

She may not be interested in you or your kids, but she IS interested in a place to stay and does not have a return ticket. I would not take for granted that she will be leaving at the same time as your dad.

You do not have to include her in outings.

[Anonymous]

If your kids have separate rooms, I would double up and give dad and the HC a space. I don’t like anyone in my living space beyond one night. Did you say how old the HS is?

[Anonymous]

If you are older and she is a young adult, you need to put more work in. She may feel self-conscious and therefore seem standoffish. She may feel the situation is awkward. She may have been expecting more warmth from you but is just getting politeness.

Yes, invite your half-sister to the family outings. She may opt out, but it’s the gracious thing to do. You can take your dad out separately as well, just the two of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are older and she is a young adult, you need to put more work in. She may feel self-conscious and therefore seem standoffish. She may feel the situation is awkward. She may have been expecting more warmth from you but is just getting politeness.

Yes, invite your half-sister to the family outings. She may opt out, but it’s the gracious thing to do. You can take your dad out separately as well, just the two of you.

Seems like Stepsister made the decision to come 4 days before OP's dad arrived. How much thought do you really think she put into this trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are older and she is a young adult, you need to put more work in. She may feel self-conscious and therefore seem standoffish. She may feel the situation is awkward. She may have been expecting more warmth from you but is just getting politeness.

Yes, invite your half-sister to the family outings. She may opt out, but it’s the gracious thing to do. You can take your dad out separately as well, just the two of you.

Thank you. This resonates with me, to a point. I get that she is younger (she is in her 20s, I am in my 40s) and might feel awkward, and I sympathize, and I am a warm emphatic person and have been hospitable. And I get "suck it up for the (extended) family", "do the gracious thing, etc.", it's just, I have finite energy reserves and I am stretched thin as is. If I suck it up here, it will pop up somewhere else (with kids or husband or with work). I guess it is up to me to find the right balance of how much hospitality warmth I can give so that I am not completely exhausted and will just collapse or blow up...

My HS was planning to come to the US all along, but there was no plan to visit me (dad mentioned she would be arriving with him, but clearly said she has her own plans and won't make it to the DC area). 4 days before arrival, dad asked whether it is ok for the HS to come stay with me for "a couple of days", she would then proceed with her plans, not in DC. I said ok. Yesterday morning, dad told me, when I asked about HS plans (is she leaving on Wednesday or Thursday -- to ensure we have a dinner out as a family before she leaves), he told me, oh, I think now she will stay for the same amount as I (my dad) as her original plans did not work out...

[Anonymous]

^ This is OP.