Dad brings a guest with him, my half-sister... to stay with us for three weeks...

[Anonymous]

A vent, I do not have questions for people. I could use a couple of supportive comments...

We planned for my dad to come to visit us for three weeks from a different country. Four days prior to his arrival, I get a text from my dad that my half-sister (dad's daughter whom I've seen three times in my life and with whom I am polite and civil, but do not have a relationship beyond a happy birthday text due to living in a different countries) will be with him and is it ok if she would come with him to our place for a couple of days (she used to live in the US and would then go find her own place, visit friends etc.). I say, Ok. They arrive yesterday, she gets the guest room, dad is on the couch in our only living/family room. I'm not a fan of anyone staying in the living room because it makes it unusable for the rest of the family, eg. for me to watch a show after everyone is off to bed...

Dad and I go to walk my kids to school, I make dinner plans and ask how long my half-sister would be staying with us. Dad says "oh, probably the same as I (three weeks!), she does not have her ticket back yet and the place where she planned to stay did not work out..."

Not a huge deal, of course, but we are super busy at work and have two young kids, our house is small, and an extra person means my dad will be staying on the living room couch for three weeks. I was hoping to just have my dad here for three weeks, another person just creates a different dynamic. I truly have no energy "to get to know my sister"; she is fine, I am hospitable and friendly, but I feel I have not been treated fairly here...

[Anonymous]

You haven't. Clearly he wants to force you into a sibling social relationship, or he's just an entitled jerk. I suggest you dial down your hosting level for her.

[Anonymous]

He's probably not comfortable on your couch, OP, but he can't force his adult daughter out, can he? This is not your father's fault, but your sister's who should have told you herself that her first plans had fallen through.

So ask her directly. I think the right thing to do here is to allow the visit to go on, but not to allow any further stays in your home in the future.

[Anonymous]

Tell your dad that you need the living room. Can't be without it for 3 weeks. So unless he and step dis want to share a room, she needs to go somewhere else.

He probably thinks she can stay on with you after he leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's probably not comfortable on your couch, OP, but he can't force his adult daughter out, can he? This is not your father's fault, but your sister's who should have told you herself that her first plans had fallen through.

So ask her directly. I think the right thing to do here is to allow the visit to go on, but not to allow any further stays in your home in the future.

Evidently, he can mislead his other adult daughter as to the length of day of this extra guest. Sorry OP, this is your dad's fault. Has he always been a user?

[Anonymous]

*stay

[Anonymous]

They both stay in the guest room. And no more visits after this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They both stay in the guest room. And no more visits after this.

This.

[Anonymous]

They need to share the guest bedroom bed. Or you can push the guest bed up against the wall and bring in an inflatable couch. When I've had two guests, I typically make my kids share a room and the other guest gets one of my kid's twin beds.

I absolutely wouldn't let anyone sleep on my couch. I think it's gross (head grease, sweat, drool?).

You should flat out tell your dad that it's not working out with you having an additional guest for 3 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Your plan is to spend time with your father, so try to make lemonade out of lemons.

Fool me once...

[Anonymous]

I think the more ominous note is she has no return ticket.

I would sit them down and explain what you've said here. You didn't expect two visitors for several weeks, there isn't the space for this many people. Ask her point blank when she is leaving and get her a blow up mattress. She's not to take a bed from your Father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the more ominous note is she has no return ticket.

I would sit them down and explain what you've said here. You didn't expect two visitors for several weeks, there isn't the space for this many people. Ask her point blank when she is leaving and get her a blow up mattress. She's not to take a bed from your Father.

This!! I’m s he trying to dump her on you? HELL NO! Tell him/her that you had not planned on having an additional guest for three weeks so she will have to find other arrangements or go home.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. That's a bummer :/ I know you didn't ask for advice, but I would put them to work, helping with dishes at least so you aren't also resentful for the extra work.

[Anonymous]

I would focus on getting that ticket back bought for her. Open-ended is really bad, in these situations.

And then? OP, listen: this kinds sucks. You were misled, if not frankly lied to. And it will suck until its over, but then you have this amazing gift -- you now know your father will do this. This time, hopefully, it's just a few weeks. It could have been much worse.

Pay the fee of putting up with it for a few weeks, get her back to her home, and then breathe a sigh of relief. And know that every plan with your father must have a back-up plan now, and that you can't be secure in giving an inch if you don't want him casually to take a mile. That's gold, in the long term.

You love him, and you always have a backup plan, because that's just who he is. Useful to have for the price of a couple weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They need to share the guest bedroom bed. Or you can push the guest bed up against the wall and bring in an inflatable couch. When I've had two guests, I typically make my kids share a room and the other guest gets one of my kid's twin beds.

I absolutely wouldn't let anyone sleep on my couch. I think it's gross (head grease, sweat, drool?).

You should flat out tell your dad that it's not working out with you having an additional guest for 3 weeks.

Not related to OP’s post, but I’m assuming the couch is covered with a sheet while being used as a bed.