Dad brings a guest with him, my half-sister... to stay with us for three weeks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

I'll speak with dad, tomorrow morning now, too tired today, because with him, at least there is a chance that he will get it, learn a lesson (maybe) and do something about it. Also, he did the inviting to my place; he may have just said to the HS that sure she can come stay with me, I'd be happy to see her, not sure he discussed two days with her...

The HS is a spoiled young woman, who is unaware of how she comes across, but she is not bad or evil, she is just focused on her own problems, she has absolutely no idea what it is like to be a full-time working parent of young kids hosting someone for three weeks in a small house... and that someone thinks the house is a hotel/office space... Dad brought her; he should deal with her. I did my part to be nice and open, nobody cared, and that's ok, just no reason to be in my house...

This is why I said you are jealous!! So obvious you don't want to share your dad. Get over it lady. Poor HS. Is it her fault she has a better relationship with your dad.
I bet you wish you were still the only princess. Sound like a brat with unresolved issues.

Go away obvious troll.

Ha not a troll but it's pretty obvious OP is jealous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A vent, I do not have questions for people. I could use a couple of supportive comments...

We planned for my dad to come to visit us for three weeks from a different country. Four days prior to his arrival, I get a text from my dad that my half-sister (dad's daughter whom I've seen three times in my life and with whom I am polite and civil, but do not have a relationship beyond a happy birthday text due to living in a different countries) will be with him and is it ok if she would come with him to our place for a couple of days (she used to live in the US and would then go find her own place, visit friends etc.). I say, Ok. They arrive yesterday, she gets the guest room, dad is on the couch in our only living/family room. I'm not a fan of anyone staying in the living room because it makes it unusable for the rest of the family, eg. for me to watch a show after everyone is off to bed...

Dad and I go to walk my kids to school, I make dinner plans and ask how long my half-sister would be staying with us. Dad says "oh, probably the same as I (three weeks!), she does not have her ticket back yet and the place where she planned to stay did not work out..."

Not a huge deal, of course, but we are super busy at work and have two young kids, our house is small, and an extra person means my dad will be staying on the living room couch for three weeks. I was hoping to just have my dad here for three weeks, another person just creates a different dynamic. I truly have no energy "to get to know my sister"; she is fine, I am hospitable and friendly, but I feel I have not been treated fairly here...

That really really sucks! Very jerky of your dad which of course is also painful. Maybe she can fly back early?

[Anonymous]

I would tell your dad that nobody can stay on the couch period. She can sleep on the floor in his room with a blanket for a few days as agreed. She is not to take a bed from your father in your house. You would have canceled the trip if they had been honest about her staying longer than that.

Give her names of hotels and tell her that you can drive her there tomorrow night.

End of story.

[Anonymous]

I would do the ‘so sorry your plans fell through, so let’s book your flight back home tomorrow ’ option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the half sister may be imposing-
but why is a parent being called out as a “house guest?” No matter what he is doing.
Please enlighten me.

Because he is a house guest. If he wants to be treated as a member of the household, he can start doing chores and most of all, not being a rude mooching adult child who wasn't invited.

[Anonymous]

I’m not getting the “jealous” vibe from OP. I have a similar situation with my HS (only met a few times, live on different coasts, 18 year age difference).

First off, OP would have every right to be (jealous, envious, frustrated). Her dad is clearly favoring the HS. Parents do this. And the non-favored adult child has a right to feel feelings about it.

But OP has been gracious here. She’s letting this woman stay in her house for weeks (!) while OP holds down a job, kids, hosting.

OP, be proud of how you’ve handled the situation. Being surprised with a houseguest for three weeks is objectively stressful. Adding on complicated dynamics with a father catering to her is another level of stress. Hope you can enjoy the visit and get to know HS a bit better. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hope you can enjoy the visit and get to know HS a bit better. Good luck!

OP is learning plenty about HS, and none of it's good. Which in a way is fine, because OP isn't invested on having a new bestie for life. But she's not interested in serving as hotellier to the ungrateful, either, and she isn't obligated to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you can enjoy the visit and get to know HS a bit better. Good luck!

OP is learning plenty about HS, and none of it's good. Which in a way is fine, because OP isn't invested on having a new bestie for life. But she's not interested in serving as hotellier to the ungrateful, either, and she isn't obligated to.

Let's be honest there is a lot of jealousy over the younger half sister

It's obvious you want to pretend she doesn't exist. You probably did that since she was born

You want your dad all to your self. This whole being a gracious host is bs

You are vindictive. Did you ever show an interest In her when she was younger? Doesn't seem like it. She probably avoids lenghty conversations with you because she can sense the bad energy coming from you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the half sister may be imposing-
but why is a parent being called out as a “house guest?” No matter what he is doing.
Please enlighten me.

Because he is a house guest. If he wants to be treated as a member of the household, he can start doing chores and most of all, not being a rude mooching adult child who wasn't invited.

Yeah house guests are people who don’t live there. And house guests shouldn’t be inviting other house guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you can enjoy the visit and get to know HS a bit better. Good luck!

OP is learning plenty about HS, and none of it's good. Which in a way is fine, because OP isn't invested on having a new bestie for life. But she's not interested in serving as hotellier to the ungrateful, either, and she isn't obligated to.

Let's be honest there is a lot of jealousy over the younger half sister

It's obvious you want to pretend she doesn't exist. You probably did that since she was born

You want your dad all to your self. This whole being a gracious host is bs

You are vindictive. Did you ever show an interest In her when she was younger? Doesn't seem like it. She probably avoids lenghty conversations with you because she can sense the bad energy coming from you

You are the only one on this thread who feels this way. Makes you sound like you are a damaged individial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you can enjoy the visit and get to know HS a bit better. Good luck!

OP is learning plenty about HS, and none of it's good. Which in a way is fine, because OP isn't invested on having a new bestie for life. But she's not interested in serving as hotellier to the ungrateful, either, and she isn't obligated to.

Let's be honest there is a lot of jealousy over the younger half sister

It's obvious you want to pretend she doesn't exist. You probably did that since she was born

You want your dad all to your self. This whole being a gracious host is bs

You are vindictive. Did you ever show an interest In her when she was younger? Doesn't seem like it. She probably avoids lenghty conversations with you because she can sense the bad energy coming from you

You are the only one on this thread who feels this way. Makes you sound like you are a damaged individial.

I agree that op is being petty and vindictive.

Let's say your dad asks you to come on an overseas trip with you to visit your relatives. You get there and learn you are not welcome. How would you feel? You're stuck in a foreign country with nowhere to stay and probably weren't planning on spending a fortune (that the sister might not have) at hotels.

I really don't like house guests, especially ones I don't know very well. But unless the person was dangerous or offensive, I'd suck it up. I'd be especially pleased if they hid away in the guest room the whole time like OP's sister. The only problem I would have is dad on the couch.

[Anonymous]

No. This is not a social family visit. Husband trouble, unhappy, weaseling dad hiding the real plan, no return tickets, no plan to stay elsewhere, working and not making the most of the short time with family/chance to do tourist things. You can't have an enjoyable, relationship-building family visit while also being weaselly and imposing on someone who didn't invite you.

This spells trouble for OP and the dad is trying to make it OP's problem to deal with. OP does not have to pretend this is fine. She needs to have some real talk with dad and half sister and find out what is really going on. To call OP jealous or petty completely misses the point-- OP is being used and manipulated and has a right to the truth of what is going on in her own family and her own home. Everyone who's saying "but they're family" needs to take a look at themselves and think about honesty, co-dependency, and common courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you can enjoy the visit and get to know HS a bit better. Good luck!

OP is learning plenty about HS, and none of it's good. Which in a way is fine, because OP isn't invested on having a new bestie for life. But she's not interested in serving as hotellier to the ungrateful, either, and she isn't obligated to.

Let's be honest there is a lot of jealousy over the younger half sister

It's obvious you want to pretend she doesn't exist. You probably did that since she was born

You want your dad all to your self. This whole being a gracious host is bs

You are vindictive. Did you ever show an interest In her when she was younger? Doesn't seem like it. She probably avoids lenghty conversations with you because she can sense the bad energy coming from you

You are the only one on this thread who feels this way. Makes you sound like you are a damaged individial.

I agree that op is being petty and vindictive.

Let's say your dad asks you to come on an overseas trip with you to visit your relatives. You get there and learn you are not welcome. How would you feel? You're stuck in a foreign country with nowhere to stay and probably weren't planning on spending a fortune (that the sister might not have) at hotels.

I really don't like house guests, especially ones I don't know very well. But unless the person was dangerous or offensive, I'd suck it up. I'd be especially pleased if they hid away in the guest room the whole time like OP's sister. The only problem I would have is dad on the couch.

That is entirely on the dad for bringing his daughter where she wasn't invited.

Are these people living in a country where they have household help, or is the dad one of those people who doesn't see women's work and thinks clean sheets and hot meals just magically appear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you can enjoy the visit and get to know HS a bit better. Good luck!

OP is learning plenty about HS, and none of it's good. Which in a way is fine, because OP isn't invested on having a new bestie for life. But she's not interested in serving as hotellier to the ungrateful, either, and she isn't obligated to.

Let's be honest there is a lot of jealousy over the younger half sister

It's obvious you want to pretend she doesn't exist. You probably did that since she was born

You want your dad all to your self. This whole being a gracious host is bs

You are vindictive. Did you ever show an interest In her when she was younger? Doesn't seem like it. She probably avoids lenghty conversations with you because she can sense the bad energy coming from you

You are the only one on this thread who feels this way. Makes you sound like you are a damaged individial.

I agree that op is being petty and vindictive.

Let's say your dad asks you to come on an overseas trip with you to visit your relatives. You get there and learn you are not welcome. How would you feel? You're stuck in a foreign country with nowhere to stay and probably weren't planning on spending a fortune (that the sister might not have) at hotels.

I really don't like house guests, especially ones I don't know very well. But unless the person was dangerous or offensive, I'd suck it up. I'd be especially pleased if they hid away in the guest room the whole time like OP's sister. The only problem I would have is dad on the couch.

But that's a big problem, is it not?! I could not deal with someone sleeping on my couch for three weeks! Yes the HS is "tucked away" in the guest room, but OP expected her DAD to be tucked away in the guest room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. This is not a social family visit. Husband trouble, unhappy, weaseling dad hiding the real plan, no return tickets, no plan to stay elsewhere, working and not making the most of the short time with family/chance to do tourist things. You can't have an enjoyable, relationship-building family visit while also being weaselly and imposing on someone who didn't invite you.

This spells trouble for OP and the dad is trying to make it OP's problem to deal with. OP does not have to pretend this is fine. She needs to have some real talk with dad and half sister and find out what is really going on. To call OP jealous or petty completely misses the point-- OP is being used and manipulated and has a right to the truth of what is going on in her own family and her own home. Everyone who's saying "but they're family" needs to take a look at themselves and think about honesty, co-dependency, and common courtesy.

+1. I also think "jealousy" is super unfair to OP. If my Dad moved to another country and started a new family, and then on his one trip back to the US to visit me and my kids, brought the daughter from his new marriage without even consulting me, I would be very hurt. OP wants time alone with her Dad to nurture that relationship, and he clearly DGAF.