MIL wants to take kids out of the country without us

[Anonymous]

Hard pass. I would never agree to that and we have family abroad, including one set of grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Is SIL on study abroad or something and MIL wants to visit with your young kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold up folks.

This is not some pilgrimage to the homeland to visit grandma.

Young single SIL, who’s injured, is living abroad.

Elderly divorced MIL who lives in the states would bring the 8 yo and 10 yo to visit her adult daughter, their aunt.

Just No. it’s paperwork city for others to travel with someone else’s kids. Not clear how long SIL has lived in this country or if MIL has ever been there or travels much long haul anyways. I mean, can you imagine if something happens during the long travel day with grandma? Or what either SIl or MIL do if the elementary school kids are bickering and fighting?

This is so No Go and half baked.

Did they at least invite you parents too?

Who are you telling to “hold up”? As far as I can tell not a single person has said OP was in the wrong to say no. Some offered that they might say yes under certain conditions. Some others suggested that MIL/SIL were not inherently wrong to make the request.

I assume it was hold up to the people who keep twisting up that SIL is taking the kids to visit grandmother who lives overseas.

Instead SIL led the conversation that old MIL wants to take their kids to where SIL lives and works or studies.

It done thing to do something familiar- and with much older kids, another to just do a boondoggle with someone’s 3rd and 5th grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Everyone involved is American. SIL just lives and works overseas. We take trips with them and the kids overseas almost once a year. DH is a pushover and gives in regularly to demands from MIL and SIL that overstep normal boundaries. The FaceTime call included the kids so no, it was not a private conversation. I don’t think they had bad intentions but they often request things from us and then act offended if we say no. Last year, SIL requested to stay with us, along with MIL for 3 weeks during the last month of school when i already had my own family coming for a week right after. When I suggested another time, it didn’t go over well.

I’m fine doing a trip with them over the summer as long as we can get some separate time alone as a family. I would be okay if the kids stayed with her for a weekend while my husband and I traveled somewhere nearby. I’m just not okay with parents being across the ocean. I wouldn’t want my husband to go without me either. They simply want the experience of being alone with the kids.

I appreciate the responses because this is what I needed to know I wasn’t being unreasonable.

You are difficult and uptight. You wouldn’t even let DH take them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During a Facetime call, my SIL tells DH that their mom would like to bring the kids to visit SIL who lives overseas in Europe over the summer. MIL was also on the call. My kids will be 8 and 10 during the summer. My MIL is 75 and divorced. My SIL (not married, no kids) has been recovering from a long term injury and uses crutches and has some mobility issues. My DH responded that they should talk to me about the kids schedule. I said no, the kids would not be going out of the country without us. They got quiet and changed the subject but I know the discussion is not over. They will try to talk to DH at a time when I am not present and beg him to try to persuade me to change my mind. If this persists, I want to respectfully say no and not create animosity.

First off, I am not comfortable having anyone take my kids out of the country. It has nothing to do with how much I trust my MIL. I wouldn't let anyone in my family take them either. My MIL is 75 and I would not risk a situation where she has a medical emergency and my kids are in another country with no one to bring them home. I don't want to risk a situation where one of the kids has a medical emergency and is in a hospital in another country and we are that far away from them.

I also think it is completely unreasonable to request to travel with young grandkids that far. SIL will be able to travel by summer. She can come to us to see the kids. There is no reason for MIL to take them to SIL. This is just something they want to do for the experience of it.

Putting aside any issues about who is paying for it, am I being unreasonable to say no?

Wow, they really ambushed you.

No no no.

How is this an ambush? What approach would NOT have been an ambush?

mIL and SIL obviously colluded beforehand.

And prob knew the husband is a silent pushover.

So yeah, they ambushed OP on a Group FaceTime. Put her, on purpose, in the Bad Cop position.

Disgusting.

With the kids on the line nonetheless!

Did they promise pizza and gelato every day too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During a Facetime call, my SIL tells DH that their mom would like to bring the kids to visit SIL who lives overseas in Europe over the summer. MIL was also on the call. My kids will be 8 and 10 during the summer. My MIL is 75 and divorced. My SIL (not married, no kids) has been recovering from a long term injury and uses crutches and has some mobility issues. My DH responded that they should talk to me about the kids schedule. I said no, the kids would not be going out of the country without us. They got quiet and changed the subject but I know the discussion is not over. They will try to talk to DH at a time when I am not present and beg him to try to persuade me to change my mind. If this persists, I want to respectfully say no and not create animosity.

First off, I am not comfortable having anyone take my kids out of the country. It has nothing to do with how much I trust my MIL. I wouldn't let anyone in my family take them either. My MIL is 75 and I would not risk a situation where she has a medical emergency and my kids are in another country with no one to bring them home. I don't want to risk a situation where one of the kids has a medical emergency and is in a hospital in another country and we are that far away from them.

I also think it is completely unreasonable to request to travel with young grandkids that far. SIL will be able to travel by summer. She can come to us to see the kids. There is no reason for MIL to take them to SIL. This is just something they want to do for the experience of it.

Putting aside any issues about who is paying for it, am I being unreasonable to say no?

Wow, they really ambushed you.

No no no.

How is this an ambush? What approach would NOT have been an ambush?

mIL and SIL obviously colluded beforehand.

And prob knew the husband is a silent pushover.

So yeah, they ambushed OP on a Group FaceTime. Put her, on purpose, in the Bad Cop position.

Disgusting.

With the kids on the line nonetheless!

Did they promise pizza and gelato every day too?

They should not have brought it up in front of the kids, but I can understand why they did. OP sounds like a control freak who gives point-blank “no” responses to everything instead of trying to figure out some win-win solution.

[Anonymous]

So they did NOT invite the mother or father during their take the children summer vacation request, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband problem

+1000

Do all three of them totally lack any common sense too?

Agree
It’s like the Dumb and Dumber show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hold up folks.

This is not some pilgrimage to the homeland to visit grandma.

Young single SIL, who’s injured, is living abroad.

Elderly divorced MIL who lives in the states would bring the 8 yo and 10 yo to visit her adult daughter, their aunt.

Just No. it’s paperwork city for others to travel with someone else’s kids. Not clear how long SIL has lived in this country or if MIL has ever been there or travels much long haul anyways. I mean, can you imagine if something happens during the long travel day with grandma? Or what either SIl or MIL do if the elementary school kids are bickering and fighting?

This is so No Go and half baked.

Did they at least invite you parents too?

She’s 75 not 205, geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold up folks.

This is not some pilgrimage to the homeland to visit grandma.

Young single SIL, who’s injured, is living abroad.

Elderly divorced MIL who lives in the states would bring the 8 yo and 10 yo to visit her adult daughter, their aunt.

Just No. it’s paperwork city for others to travel with someone else’s kids. Not clear how long SIL has lived in this country or if MIL has ever been there or travels much long haul anyways. I mean, can you imagine if something happens during the long travel day with grandma? Or what either SIl or MIL do if the elementary school kids are bickering and fighting?

This is so No Go and half baked.

Did they at least invite you parents too?

Who are you telling to “hold up”? As far as I can tell not a single person has said OP was in the wrong to say no. Some offered that they might say yes under certain conditions. Some others suggested that MIL/SIL were not inherently wrong to make the request.

I assume it was hold up to the people who keep twisting up that SIL is taking the kids to visit grandmother who lives overseas.

Instead SIL led the conversation that old MIL wants to take their kids to where SIL lives and works or studies.

It done thing to do something familiar- and with much older kids, another to just do a boondoggle with someone’s 3rd and 5th grader.

Totally OT - is that how you use boondoogle? I wouldn't use that word in this context. It doesn't sound like grandma/SIL were asking for OP to pay for them.

[Anonymous]

Wait.

I know this is secondary, but do they seriously want you to pay for this trip??

[Anonymous]

I’ve posted several times saying the MIL/SIL weren’t wrong to ask. BUT they were absolutely wrong to ask when the kids were also in the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During a Facetime call, my SIL tells DH that their mom would like to bring the kids to visit SIL who lives overseas in Europe over the summer. MIL was also on the call. My kids will be 8 and 10 during the summer. My MIL is 75 and divorced. My SIL (not married, no kids) has been recovering from a long term injury and uses crutches and has some mobility issues. My DH responded that they should talk to me about the kids schedule. I said no, the kids would not be going out of the country without us. They got quiet and changed the subject but I know the discussion is not over. They will try to talk to DH at a time when I am not present and beg him to try to persuade me to change my mind. If this persists, I want to respectfully say no and not create animosity.

First off, I am not comfortable having anyone take my kids out of the country. It has nothing to do with how much I trust my MIL. I wouldn't let anyone in my family take them either. My MIL is 75 and I would not risk a situation where she has a medical emergency and my kids are in another country with no one to bring them home. I don't want to risk a situation where one of the kids has a medical emergency and is in a hospital in another country and we are that far away from them.

I also think it is completely unreasonable to request to travel with young grandkids that far. SIL will be able to travel by summer. She can come to us to see the kids. There is no reason for MIL to take them to SIL. This is just something they want to do for the experience of it.

Putting aside any issues about who is paying for it, am I being unreasonable to say no?

Wow, they really ambushed you.

No no no.

How is this an ambush? What approach would NOT have been an ambush?

Asking OP and her husband privately. That is what my SIL did before it was mentioned to anyone else. That is how I knew I could trust her.

I’m sincerely confused. It was OK for them to ask OP and her DH at the same time, but only one of them should have been present for the conversation?

Are you being intentionally obtuse?

Asking the mother and father privately means not in front of the children. It’s common sense to ask the parents before you mention any type of vacation to children-especially an international trip like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During a Facetime call, my SIL tells DH that their mom would like to bring the kids to visit SIL who lives overseas in Europe over the summer. MIL was also on the call. My kids will be 8 and 10 during the summer. My MIL is 75 and divorced. My SIL (not married, no kids) has been recovering from a long term injury and uses crutches and has some mobility issues. My DH responded that they should talk to me about the kids schedule. I said no, the kids would not be going out of the country without us. They got quiet and changed the subject but I know the discussion is not over. They will try to talk to DH at a time when I am not present and beg him to try to persuade me to change my mind. If this persists, I want to respectfully say no and not create animosity.

First off, I am not comfortable having anyone take my kids out of the country. It has nothing to do with how much I trust my MIL. I wouldn't let anyone in my family take them either. My MIL is 75 and I would not risk a situation where she has a medical emergency and my kids are in another country with no one to bring them home. I don't want to risk a situation where one of the kids has a medical emergency and is in a hospital in another country and we are that far away from them.

I also think it is completely unreasonable to request to travel with young grandkids that far. SIL will be able to travel by summer. She can come to us to see the kids. There is no reason for MIL to take them to SIL. This is just something they want to do for the experience of it.

Putting aside any issues about who is paying for it, am I being unreasonable to say no?

Wow, they really ambushed you.

No no no.

How is this an ambush? What approach would NOT have been an ambush?

Asking OP and her husband privately. That is what my SIL did before it was mentioned to anyone else. That is how I knew I could trust her.

I’m sincerely confused. It was OK for them to ask OP and her DH at the same time, but only one of them should have been present for the conversation?

Are you being intentionally obtuse?

Asking the mother and father privately means not in front of the children. It’s common sense to ask the parents before you mention any type of vacation to children-especially an international trip like this.

I am the poster you are responding to, as well as the poster immediately above yours. OP did not originally say that her children were also on the phone.

[Anonymous]

How long has SIL lived in what city abroad??