MIL wants to take kids out of the country without us

[Anonymous]

During a Facetime call, my SIL tells DH that their mom would like to bring the kids to visit SIL who lives overseas in Europe over the summer. MIL was also on the call. My kids will be 8 and 10 during the summer. My MIL is 75 and divorced. My SIL (not married, no kids) has been recovering from a long term injury and uses crutches and has some mobility issues. My DH responded that they should talk to me about the kids schedule. I said no, the kids would not be going out of the country without us. They got quiet and changed the subject but I know the discussion is not over. They will try to talk to DH at a time when I am not present and beg him to try to persuade me to change my mind. If this persists, I want to respectfully say no and not create animosity.

First off, I am not comfortable having anyone take my kids out of the country. It has nothing to do with how much I trust my MIL. I wouldn't let anyone in my family take them either. My MIL is 75 and I would not risk a situation where she has a medical emergency and my kids are in another country with no one to bring them home. I don't want to risk a situation where one of the kids has a medical emergency and is in a hospital in another country and we are that far away from them.

I also think it is completely unreasonable to request to travel with young grandkids that far. SIL will be able to travel by summer. She can come to us to see the kids. There is no reason for MIL to take them to SIL. This is just something they want to do for the experience of it.

Putting aside any issues about who is paying for it, am I being unreasonable to say no?

[Anonymous]

My answer would be no.

[Anonymous]

I would say no, my kid is 10.

[Anonymous]

No. Why did your DH throw you under the bus though? Or is he okay with it?

[Anonymous]

uh that's a HARD NO!

[Anonymous]

I would also not allow it and my husband would be on the same page. That's what you need to happen. He answers any and all attempts to make it happen with "we aren't comfortable with that."

[Anonymous]

The answer is no. Your DH needs to step up.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't do it. There's a lot that could go sideways. It's been decades since MIL has had kids that age and she may underestimate the work that it involves/what kids are interested in/they are going to hate waiting in line at customs etc.

What I would consider is traveling with them to the foreign country, leaving the kids with SIL and MIL for a few days or a week, and going around by myself or with DH either in that country or region. I would make sure that my kids had a way to contact me (phone with service) and also that my phone had service overseas. Essentially I would want to be close enough and able to direct in an emergency.

[Anonymous]

I would say no, my kids will be 11 by the summer. I think I’d be fine with HS aged kids, but not younger than that.

[Anonymous]

I would say no unless she was willing to also provide a younger, healthy, trustworthy traveling companion to accompany them. Maybe.

[Anonymous]

International families sometimes send their kids to their home countries for part of the summer, where they can live with relatives, speak the language, absorb the culture, etc.

However that’s when families can be trusted!!!

I don’t trust mine *that much*, and have never done that.

I completely support your refusal to do this, OP. You are the mother, you decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn't do it. There's a lot that could go sideways. It's been decades since MIL has had kids that age and she may underestimate the work that it involves/what kids are interested in/they are going to hate waiting in line at customs etc.

What I would consider is traveling with them to the foreign country, leaving the kids with SIL and MIL for a few days or a week, and going around by myself or with DH either in that country or region. I would make sure that my kids had a way to contact me (phone with service) and also that my phone had service overseas. Essentially I would want to be close enough and able to direct in an emergency.

+1

[Anonymous]

My MIL also lives in Europe, my kids are older than yours, and they’ve been over there with me and my husband several times. My answer would still be a firm no. Hell no, absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During a Facetime call, my SIL tells DH that their mom would like to bring the kids to visit SIL who lives overseas in Europe over the summer. MIL was also on the call. My kids will be 8 and 10 during the summer. My MIL is 75 and divorced. My SIL (not married, no kids) has been recovering from a long term injury and uses crutches and has some mobility issues. My DH responded that they should talk to me about the kids schedule. I said no, the kids would not be going out of the country without us. They got quiet and changed the subject but I know the discussion is not over. They will try to talk to DH at a time when I am not present and beg him to try to persuade me to change my mind. If this persists, I want to respectfully say no and not create animosity.

First off, I am not comfortable having anyone take my kids out of the country. It has nothing to do with how much I trust my MIL. I wouldn't let anyone in my family take them either. My MIL is 75 and I would not risk a situation where she has a medical emergency and my kids are in another country with no one to bring them home. I don't want to risk a situation where one of the kids has a medical emergency and is in a hospital in another country and we are that far away from them.

I also think it is completely unreasonable to request to travel with young grandkids that far. SIL will be able to travel by summer. She can come to us to see the kids. There is no reason for MIL to take them to SIL. This is just something they want to do for the experience of it.

Putting aside any issues about who is paying for it, am I being unreasonable to say no?

Ask DH why he wimped out and said you had to decide. Because he knew you'd say no and be the bad guy? You are not unreasonable to say no. Your DH needs to handle this topic with his mother and sister going forward.

[Anonymous]

Hard no.