Reply to Seeing Married Men in Your Circle

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Seeing Married Men in Your Circle"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister slept with her son's married soccer coach for about 5 months after her separation. Then it was just over. No blow up, no hard feelings, literally nothing was found out at all.

This was in Old Town (I mention it because it's incredibly gossipy) about 4 years ago. If she could do that there, anyone can.[/quote]

Sure you can do it op....just at your own profound risk. And don't be surprised if you are discovered. The denial thing cheaters have, the belief that no one will find out, is extremely prevalent and a common fault line in affairs. People have a way of finding out. That's the  reality. [b]It's very hard to not reveal unconsciously in your body language, voice, gestures, etc a strong sexual connection with another person in the room. People sense it.. Especially among a large group where at least one person will be particularly intuitive and observant, but the odds are even more than one will sense it. A few probably already have sensed what you are doing. The unconscious is a powerful thing.[/b] [/quote]

True. And OP, do you know who else will figure it out, much better than you think they will? Your kids. You say they are 10 and 13. Wow. Perfect ages to be thoroughly screwed up when they even suspect mom is having sex with their friends' dad. If you want to alienate and disgust your children, create drama for which they won't forgive you, and make them eager for the day they head away from you to college -- screwing around with married men in your family's "circle" is a perfect way to do that. If you think your kids won't know, are unobservant, won't care if they do know...you know nothing about kids that age.

OP, is this really "only" for sex you're considering this, or for "affection" or more likely some combination? Purely sexual gratification, you can take care of by yourself, to be blunt; if you want affection and affirmation -- that's why you need to cool your jets, learn to wait, and get therapy before you start any form of new relationship, even casual hookups, because neediness like that is NOT fixed by...casual hookups. [/quote]

I’m not OP. I am however someone who has “neediness like that,” and I don’t think it’s pathological. Isn’t it normal to crave the feeling of loving and being loved? [/quote]

The need is normal. The choice to try to fulfill that need by hurting others' marriages and families may be "normal" to some on this forum but it is not right.

And when one is so needy that one is blind to all potential consequences of reaching out to a married person for an affair, even if it's "just" sex, then one needs to step back, recognize that not all needs should get met immediately, and get therapy or somehow reassess why they'd consider the morally bankrupt choice of helping someone else cheat on a spouse. It'll be just sex for the men OP's talking about, but for her, it'll be a very fleeting way to meet her need for affection, and she'll only end up needier, not fulfilled. [/quote]

Not OP. I am just wondering how you people who have not been involved in one seem to know and understand so much about affairs and outcomes for the APs? I can see how someone would stumble into this not realizing how it would affect them socially or emotionally when it’s over, but how do you all who have never participated know so much?[/quote]

Do you really think that people outside affairs are blind, deaf and dumb, or that people IN affairs never come to us to vent, cry, complain, tell us they didn't think it would turn out like it did?

Do you really believe people are so very capable of keeping their feelings about their APs (and the APs spouses) to themselves, or between themselves and the AP?

Do you really think we can't figure out for ourselves what a $#itstorm is going on with people around us? [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics